o o o o o o o o o o o o o o - - - - - - - - - - o\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\/o - - - - - - - - - - o//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//o - - - - - - - - - - o\//\/ Guide 2 Boogie //\//o - - - - - - - - - - o//\//\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/o - - - - - - - - - - o\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\//\/o - - - - - - - - - - o o o o o o o o o o o o o o The Ultimate Electric Boogaloo Dance Guide By Jody 'Gotchuck' Smith /\ _ +\ /\ He can Boogie. \/_/ \\/ / /\ She can Boogie. _/\ ]]\/' /\ /] / _ \/ __/ _ [ | \ _ \// <--/ \/[[\ <----/ /| /\ /\ |\ +\/\ \ \, / _/ \_ _/ /_ \ \/\ /\ \__ _/ / } _/ /_ \-- And those two? --/ _\ They can most definitely Boogie. *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* Welcome to the Ultimate Electric Boogaloo Guide to all things funky. Here we shall explore the exploits and the attributes of the little large ones who go by the name of the Dancin' Boogaloo Funksters (tm). Dancin' Boogaloo Funksters were the result of a freak experiment, when / I was studying computer programming at college /\ /\/ years ago. \/ , /\ \ /\\/ <--\ \ \/ Using proper drawn art in programmes was fine, \ } \/ but was a ultimately '/\ long-winded task to _/ \_ perform and for the small programs we were writing at the time, ASCII stuff was, oooooooooh, ______ finer than a thing that is //---\| very fine | \____ indeed. \---\ \ |\\___// \----/ O, Dancin' Boogaloo Funksters, WERE BORN........... *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* Well, I say , but that's a little bit harsh, i s n't I mean, they didn't it? exactly grow like tiny sperms, __ or evolve from apes \ / \ \ / /--> \__/ /\~\ / or \/ \_ \/ \ <--\/ \/\_ /[[]]\/ anything \/\ / [] ~\/ _/\/\_ sinister like that. _ And they were never tiny babies, \\_||/.\ either. \ ((____'/ \ __ I just kind of got \/\/\/\ /| some \_____/ of these---> /// A few of these---> \\\. The odd one or two of these---> ||, lots of them---> }} and {{, a few more of stuff like---> .. and ,, and '' and __, as well as the odd *. Well, I put them all together and made this!--------\_ \_ And, |// \ erm, __/\*[ <--_ | then decided that a bit of organisation }/\ \_/ was in order...... ][\ \*{ *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* And so, I got all the bits and pieces together again, organised them into a heap---\ and set to work \ at creating something \ | that looked --- /\ /' more And after I created \// like \\/' the first and had seen /\ <-----\ this!--\ '\|/\\ that it was good, I then \ | \---------/ / \ * }/. set about creating once, '/ \ twice and then thrice times _\ \_ the number of men, who had with them something of their own. Something of a movement. Something of a . A rythm that danced along the sounds of time, a rythm that moved, that echoed, with the beating in their hearts and the heaving of their souls. Before long it was no longer just a rythm. Before long the beat had began to BOOGIE. /\ = /\ /\ /' _ /\ _ \/_\ _ /\ \/_/' /\ \// /\ , \_\/ \// ' \\/ /| , \/ , /\ \/_/ /\_ \/\ /\/~ _/ }/\_ \/\\/ ,/ | /\ _ | ' / } /\| / / / \/, ,/ \ \_ /\/, \ { \ \ /\ \ ' / _\ /' /_ { \/ /_ { < / And once they had started, they could stop. \ | | | Some would boogie Some would Boogie | | on their hands. on their heads. | | _ | | \' |\ | | / \ | | ,\// =\/T | | \/\ Some would even run, | | | /\/ naked, across the //\\ | | _\\_ streets and cities. _/ \//_ | |__________________________ __________________________| | ., ., | | \ /\ / | | \\// | | } | | / | | '\/\ | | \_ | |______________| ----------------------------------- | Which would sadly upsett old folk | =================================== But Boogie they would and Boogie they did, HERE, NOW and FOREVER THERE AFTER. until one day they stopped. *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* The music played. |\_ | The beatbox still boomed. |\_| /\| ______ | | \/ _{______}_ =chonk= But the Dancin' Boogaloo /\|/\| |/\ **** /\| Funksters just stood still. \/ \/ |\/ ++++ \/| =buzz= ---------- /\ /\ some of th =boom= \/ __ \/ e /|\ ||\/|\ . m \ \\, |/, //\ ?*?*?*?*?*?*?*?*?* ' /\ / \ ]_ \\/ e ? Or even _/ /_ _\ /_ ]__\_/\_,. v So what was * worse than that, __ e wrong with this ? turned to drink __/| /---> laid down. n once peaceful, * \___/ \-------------------/ ? harmonious ? * society, who * ? not long ago ? An answer was needed to be found. * were contented * And so a search was set. . . . . . . . ? with jigs, ? . * gyrations and * . ? little hell else? ? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . * * . ?*?*?*?*?*?*?*?*?*?*?*? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . that eventually led to the high priest of Boogie. ] The high priest was often regarded as a strange, /\ \ obscure and somewhat eccentric man. (@@)| \// Many would put this down to his size as he was, /\ indeed, and for no apparent reason other than a / \ mark of authority, considerably larger than the \ | other Boogaloo'ers. [ / \ / \ When asked, the high priest scratched his head \ / in confusion to the prospect of The Land Of Funk __@ @__ being totally booged out. Or de-funked, if you will. He scratched and scratched until his head ] became very sore. He scratched his head /\ / so much, in fact, that he had to then resort /\(@@)/ to scratching elsewhere about his person to [ \\// state his confusion. And then, and only then, / did he put his finger on it. \ |/\ It seems that Boogie and Boogie alone does not / \ / a happy Boogaloo'er make, because they, like / @ all other red-blooded beings, had desires of \@ their own. _/ <:- - * - * - * - -:> You see, all the inhabitants in The Land Of Funk were, due to circumstances beyond control, male. And thankfully the thought of social pleasures with one another beyond dancing disgusted the little large ones, so the high priest had work to do, once again. <:- - * - * - * - -:> /\ So, the high priest gathered all the loose commas, (@@)/\| slashes, brackets and other such punctuation marks up and \// *-/\ set to work at creating something new. Something special. /\ []]\! Something with a (RYTHM>. | \/ *|+ \__ Something with a rythm that danced along the sounds of time. \ \ Something with a rythm that moved, / \ / that echoed, / @ with the beating in it's heart @__ and the heaving of it's soul. until one day it was finished. and, along with all such conventions, mass produced to suit all. /\ /\ *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* /\ \/ /\ \/ ____ ____ ____ /\ \/ \ \\ \/ /\ / \ / \ / \ \/ /\ // \\ \/ / \ / \ / \ \//|\ /|\ | | | | | | \ / \ |\ | | | | | | / \ / \/ | | | | | | / \ \ | | | | | | / |/\/\/\/\| |/\/\/\/\| |/\/\/\/\| The grand unveiling was an extravagant affair, with streamers, balloons and ice lollies for the little ones. But saying this, there was still a large amount of confusion among the Boogaloo'ers, with a spectating Pac-Man looking very worried indeed, until someone kindly explained to him that the objects on stage were merely tilting sheets. And then the big moment came And the Boogallo'ers were agast and jollified at what they saw . . . /\ . /\ __ /\ \/ . /\ \/ _//\\_ /\ \/ \ . \\ \/ /\ // . , /\ \\ \/ /\ // . \\ \/ \\ '\ /\ | \//\] /\ \ \//|\ . /|\ || \\// [\/[[ \/_/o \\ \ / . \ |\ \\ (( \/\ /)) | / \ . / \/ \\ \ / } _/ | / / . \ \ \ /\ \ _\\ // | / . _/ \_ { \\>//\ _//_ // . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . could it really be true? They found it hard to believe at first, but their chests gave it away. These were, indeed, Boogaloo Funksters. But being new, were these non-yolkels capable? Could these Booglers really BOOGIE? it jolly well seemed that they *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* could. , , //\\ Some had interests \\// in the arts, with +\ /\ Some showed pure )) beautiful \\/ groove and | interpret ballet ))\/' drum 'n' bass / \ stlyes, such as \ rythmn. \ / Swan Lake. /\ { } _/ /_ /\= =,\//\= While others were = \/))=' completely mental Junglists = =/= who shook and vibrated =/\= their bodies about soooooo =_/ =\_ FAST that you could hardly see 'em. *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* Of course, there were a few mistakes of creation that resulted in the production of \ \ scream! ugly, female Boogaloo'ers. \ \ /**\ But they were shot dead =splat= \ *OO* on sight. / \**/ So \_ / /((\ { everybody's ====/ / \\, /\ '\ / happy. |' ' /\ \/ . ,. /)_\__{ / \ _\ \_ ' ' \_, *\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*\/\*/\/* ||||||| || || = |||||| \ \ ==== || || \ \ = ||||||| \\\\ =, the ones that remained were perfectly perfect in the most perfect of ways possible and despite acting a little strangely compared to the male population, were accepted well into the community in The Land of Funk, where Nightclub entrance is free and all drinks are available for under a quid. O-O-O-O-O - - - - - - * - O - * - O - * - O - * - - - - - - O-O-O-O-O ' ' O /\ /' /\ /\ /' /\ O ' /\ ,/\\// _ /\ \/_/' /\ \// _/\\/ ' O \/_/' (( ' \\/ /)) \/ , /)) /\ ((\/' O ' // \ /\/~_/ //\ /\\/,/ \ /\\/ ,\ , ' O ,/ \ /\/, /\| / } ,/ \ / \/, ' |\/ \\/\ O | \\ \ { \ \ / \ \, \/\ \ | | /_\_ /' /_ { _/ /_ { |\/ } /' | |\ /| | \ / | | \_____________________________________________________________/ | \ | 24 Hour Boogaloo Disco/Club/Ravey-type-thing | / \ | that's always free and good and stuff | / \|_____________________________________________________________|/ So there you have it. As the sun slips jerkilly into the dashed line that is the horizon on the plain of The Land Of Funk and all the people there continue on there quest to adjust their stance to dance, prance and appear on the occasional text-file header with their new-found companions. Shame that they're always to be restricted to just dancing together, really..... Shame the high priest never thought to give any of them sexual organs..... o But hey people, hey, don't throw fruit ] / at the poor guy just for making a /\ \ / mistake, everyone makes mistakes [ (@@)/ \ /\ once in a while. Show respect \ \// \ o - - - - _\/ for your elders. \/\ \ / ((\/o \ \ /\ ' \ /\ Nah. On second thoughts. / \ \/_ \\/{ \/ .o Go ahead. / / \ /\ \, \ /((\/ Pelt the preacher. / \ \ \ \ { \,\ \@ \ ' /\/' /\ _/ __@ o, o _\ _/ /_ (c)'96 Jody Smith. The Dancin' Boogaloo Funksters (tm), The Land Of Funk and The High Priest, names, visual interpretation and illiteration are patented trademarks of Jody Smith and may not be re- created or shown in any form without the due permission of Jody Smith. Because if you do, God will come along and give you all a nasty Chinese burn. FIN. ]