Reaping just what he sows, it is he whos legend burnt out long before his life ever will, come on Barbie, lets go party, it's.... ., ., /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ /\ \// \\// \\/ , \/ _\//\,/\ /\ {{ \\/ /\\__.,/ }}/_\/ ,/ \ \ \ /\ ,./ \ __/ ))\/; /\ // _\\ \/_/ /\ \ \ / ___\ \ \\ ] / /)) _\ \_ /'/_ /\ /_* \ '\ [[ '] ,/ \ <<'KKSKKDJJFN@ \ \ __> >Ib k8 ., _ /\ |' |\{((FJJDSMMSNN/ /''\ \___/ {J} /0j/\ /\ /\ ,. , '\ /\ \// //_ S@ Qp Q9 !h / \ {{ / ' /\/\ DD\ /S ZQP OI: OX 3P d; /\ /\/\ \ , ]\/\ \ KSS$%^/ DDA $pL SO 8D =? \ \ \ /\/\ /_ [ \XXJ>' IEDOWL? HEANDS G+ /''\ / _\ T H E E N D O F T H E Y E A R S H O W It was just the other day when someone pointed out to me that the closer to the millenium we get, the duller the whole concept is. The millenium: huge celebrations, huge fashions, huge amounts of money spent on some marquee set out on a man-made island somewhere and it's all just two years away. I remember watching Strange Days at the cinema a few years ago and reveling in the visual feast at the film's climax in New York square, January 1st 1999. The streamers, confetti, futuristic billboard displays, Skunk Anansie playing on top of a car and all that excitement and fusion is to happen in just another New Year's time. If that is to be taken into account, then even brain- projecting head squids of the film's plot seem a damn sight more likely to be happening in a couple of years. Memories of time periods are weird at the best of times. People talk of 'the 60's', 'the 70's' or 'the 80's' as if decades set as solid chunks of one fashion, one music and one political viewpoint, only changing to the next the minute the new decade rolled along. The 60's were only ever known to be fun, wild and carefree because those running the media at the minute were young back then and therefore claim that to be the best decade for living, while the recent seventies revival shows just how the children of the sixties are finally retiring to let the seventies kids have a go at running things. By the time the millenium really does kick into action, we will all be far to busy wearing eighties fashions on their second time around to care about futuristic Bacofoil outfits. _________________________ Anyway, returning to a more frivilous / MY OWN PERSONAL OPINION \ point of view and yes, I know for well | AND NO ONE ELSES IN NO | that by the time this gets into homes it | PARTICULAR ORDER OF THE | will probably be close to March, but I | TOP 10 BEST SONGS OF 1997| have to waffle about something and if | | it's to be anything of worth, it might as |1. Crush, Garbage. | well be 1997 - most definitely the weird- |2. Song 2, Blur. | est, most influential and historical year |3. Hello Darlin', | in my life, anyway - and quite a bizarre, | Fuzz Townshend. | media-run time for the rest of you, too. |4. Their Kind of Fame, | | The Pastels. | Two things dominated 1997. One was |5. Lazy, Suede. | the rather sickly publicised death of |6. Spice Up Your Life, | Diana, Princess of Wales, hearts and | Spice Girls. | even spades too now, and while I respect | (seriously, it's great!)| that we have lost a great figure in the |7. No Surprises, Radiohead| view of giving charity a strong and |8. Smack My Bitch Up, | classy public image, I still cannot stop | Prodigy. | myself from being bitter at the fact that |9. Help The Aged, Pulp. | while everyone had something to say about |10.Teletubbies Say Eh-Oh, | the Di and Dodi Die of Death oh Dear Did | (okay, I'm | Di and Dodi Die tradgedy, poor old Mother | taking the piss now). | Teresa passed away at the same time with- \________________________/ out anyone even giving a shit. Okay, so the woman was ugly, but Teresa did more for the dying than Diana ever did and didn't live the constant high quality life that Diana lived. And how hard it must have been for Di too, being hounded by the press while she flirted round the world, living more luxuriously than any film or pop star that springs to mind. Quickly putting a rose tinted glaze on my point, before anyone gets offended and starts emailing, I do respect Diana, though those who drink and speed, die more deservedly than those who are involved in fatal accidents at no fault of their own. Thank you. FLAMINGO, LAMBADA, BUT HIP-HOP IS HARDER, WE MOONWALK THE FOX TROT AND POKA THE SALSA The second big media-spun sensation that dominated 1997 was the marketing cattle herd that is the Spice Girls, with every single product manufacturer, designer and food stuff retailer cutting off a slice of that sacred beef to slap their product against it in what was probably the most over-exposed marketing venture ever witnessed. 1997 was the year that The Spice Girls sold everything, including Pepsi cola, Walkers Crisps, Chuppa Chupps lollipops, Polaroid cameras and Impulse body spray, as well as the wealth of official and unofficial merchandise that accompany them, such as mugs, make-up, transfers, stationary, picture cubes, posters, calendars, diarys, cats, dogs, vicars, bananas, cucumbers, phallic objects and old wives tales. In fact, the Spices sold everything bar their Mummas. Hang, on. They sold them too, didn't they? When I wrote for ST+ diskmag, I held a Spice Girl voting poll, where local Atari veterans could pitch their views on who the most favourable pop monster was of the five in question. It was all done for the sake of variety and whimsicality and eventually culminated among my final editorial at ST+, sometime during last summer. So, as a once off only and as 1997 has been The Year of The Spice Girl (computer game out on PlayStation soon, folks) here is that very section, faithfully reproduced from the original article, August '97 time, to adore and enjoy, as I felt it appropriate... \/\/\ ST+ 20? \/\ snip! /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ Oh lordies! (What a time to start saying that phrase). It's The Spice Girls Vote-O-Rama! _______________________________________ |-------------| SPICE GIRLS VOTE-O-RAMA - ThE FINALE! |--------------| | --------------------------------------- | | Oooh, and I feel special again. Yes, it's the last ever | | edition of the editorial flagship that IS The Spice Girls Vote-O- | | Rama. | | And who can forget the trials and tribulations of the past | | few months? Ed Cleveland's repeated hatings of the lot of them, | | Chris Holland and his lustings for the dark one who shouts a lot | | and magazine for him, FHM, appraising Ginger 'Tit's Out Spice' for | | said reason. | | Well, here it is, the last ever time for the nation's views | | to be aired and now that the votes have been counted (not a hard | | thing, considering numbers) it's time to see who gets acclaimed | | and who gets a severe beating with the blunt end of a French | | Stick. Yeah, you know, the underside that's all bobbly and | | stuff. Sorted. | | ___________________ | | | We will blast you.| Okay, here we go. | | | We will blow your | Accumulating not one | | | heads off. | solitary vote were Shell | | .. , , /"/\"\ ----------------, / Suit Spice, Mel C, and | |//\\/ \/ _\ \ cute little Baby Snap | | \// ; : ,' ,, ,,<___/ Yer Leg Spice, Emma. | | /\ ' ' , ' ' ___/==/ oo Even in Martin | ||, \';' '\/))\ ~ ~ ---\==\ /_- ,, Wilson's inexperienced | | \\ /__ \, /\ /\ oo eyes, saying "I'm no | | /_\_ }\| /_ /--\/--\ -_\ great expert on The | | Spice Girls, I'm ashamed | | Sporty and Baby NO VOTES I don't even know their | | proper names," Martin | | saw the blatant plain-ness of the two, rating them the bottom of | | his order of preference top six, about those lovable pop-monsters, | | The Spice Girls. | | /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\| | Martin also took time out from / MARTIN WILSON'S /| | impressing my guests here tonight with \ FAVE-O-SPICES \| | his wild and cheeky party tricks, by / /| | saying: "Also on the subject of The \ 1. Scary Spice \| | Spice Girls, I'd just like to say that / 2. Baby Spice /| | 'Mother' song made me want to throw up, \ 3. Posh Spice \| | although I liked their other songs, so / 4. Old Spice or Lesbian /| | far." \ Spice or whatever. \| | Your secret's out, Martin, though / 5. Sporty/Ugly/Shoe- /| | I know what you mean. And those Birds \ Horned into The \| | of a Feather-esque film clips of kids / Videos Spice. /| | in the video really brought puke to my \ 6. Mrs T (the original \| | nose. Go now Martin, go impress the / Spice Girl!). /| | girlies with your spoon playing prowess.\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/ | | | | ________ Joint second place goes to | | | Yikes! | Geri and Victoria, or Ginger | _____________ ------, | and Posh if you're thick. | |We will catch|, __ // ,;;, Dave recognised Posh as his | |you, | \|/\|/' ' ;;/\;; fave, though he was too busy | |We will pinch| \\// ';\/;' guzling Tesco's lager to say | |your bums. | )) [\/}}\ why, exactly. | -, ,-------- \ ,, [ , / / This means that, instead of | | / /_ ,, ,, _[ \\ oo/ /\/\ ] being maliciously massacred | | \___> Oo oo/ / \ \ / like the last two, The Mice | | -_\ -_\ '\ /' _- '\ From Bagpuss have resorted to | | a lesser form of elitist | | Posh and Ginger 1 VOTE EACH torture, by pinching their | | bums a bit. | | | | On the subject of Victoria Spice Girl though, has anyone | | noticed how very cold she appears to be in the recent Walkers | | Crisps advertisment on the TV around about now? Yeah, she looks | | very COLD, very COLD indeed. Have you noticed how COLD she looks? | | Look HARD and you'll notice how very COLD she is. | | | | So that then brings us to our winner, | | withour as much as a climatic build up in #### ] | | sight. Oh yes, our very own favourite, ##/\#/# | | champion of champion Spice Girls, is the ####\//## | | wonderful stud-in-the-tongue babe from Leeds, [\/[[ ## | | Mel 'Scary but not that Scary' B! / | | Oooh, the tension! I love her, C.i.H. /\ | | loves her and now Martin loves her too, \ \ | | pumping (yes, pumping) her number of votes ,, ,, /'/',, ,, | | up to an enigmatic three! Hurrah! oo oo oo oo Oo | | And so The Mice From Bagpuss carry Mel /_- /_- /_- /_- /_- | | B amongst the chanting ASCII funksters in The | | Land of Funk, to place her upon the throne of Mel B: 3 VOTES | | Edam that is the seat of the Boogie-Dom ruler. | | Hoorah for Mel B! Hoorah, I say, as she now gets to govern all the| | night-clubs, drinking taverns and open air raves that The Land of | | Funk has to offer. | | ] | | /\ \ But what's this? What will The High Priest Of | | (@@)| Boogie, who is - and for no other apparent reason other | | \// than a mark of authority - considerably larger than the | | /\ other Boogaloo-ers, think of all this? Ah, we shall | | / \ never know, as he doesn't talk, does he? | | \ | | | [ / \ Anyway, as the sun jerks absently below the dotted| | / \ line that is the horizon of The Land of Funk, we may let| | \ / the Spice Girl Vote-O-Rama rest easy in the thought that| | __@ @__ after months of wittling on about nothing much at all, | | the fallen did fall and the powerful have risen above it| | all, so until the next time, bye bye everybody, bye bye.| | | |--------------------------------------------------------------------| \/\/\/\/\/\/\/\ !pins /\/ ?02 +TS /\/\/ And on the subject of media-spun 1997 dominators, lets not forget the Teletubbies. Oh, on second thoughts, lets... NUNNA NUNUN NUNUN NUNUN NA NA NOW, GIVE IT UP, GIVE IT UP, BABY GIVE IT UP I'm not predicting 1998 to be too much of an exciting year for me. Especially when I'm spending the first few months of it mourning the death of my teenage years, when I hit, smack and thump to the ground of my 20th birthday, on February 5th. I have become one of those older, nightclub types that I used to poke fun at when I was a young, chirpy 'look-I've-just-got-into-a- pub-and-bought-a-lager' 14 year old. Still, mustn't quarm. At least I'm at university, having loads of fun, spending loads of money and meeting many impressionable young ladies and engaging in deep and frantic conversation with them, into the early hours of the next day. It seems like quite a childish boast, but I am really pleased to say that since being at uni, I can _________________________ quite honestly say that I haven't been / TOP 5 BESTEST GAMES \ to bed before half two in the morning. | OF 1997 | That's the problem you get when | | all social hours are used socialably |1. Mario 64, N64. | and most sleeping hours are spent doing |2. Shadows of The Empire, | the work you've got to hand in the next | N64. | morning. |3. Diddykong Racing, N64. | |4. Streetfighter Vs X Men, | Taking a step back now, I find | whatever. | it strange how the Atari scene has sunk |5. Bomberman, Saturn. | to the depths of only entusiasts keeping \_________________________/ it alive, now that there is no proper literature being produced for the machines, with nothing ST-specific and no console mags daring to mention the Jag. I would have thought that with no proper coverage and no Atari left to look over it's once governed terrain, even the enthusiasts would have died off to join the PC brigade. But no, we're still writing for the diskmags that people still send off for and now that a proper HTML thing is happening for Maggie on the .net, things can only go forward as far as enthusiasts go. Bizarre, eh? I never understood why the Atari scene was such a strong one compared to that of other formats. I have never heard anyone mention a 'PC Scene', other than the small groups of pre-teens from around the country, swapping nude lady pictures about and now that Commodore not so much bit the bullet, more gasped as the bullet ricoceted through the back of it's head, I don't see much of an Amiga scene holding the few fanatics together. If Mike Goodman's Atari Shows stay the well attended events they are, I can't really see things changing among us Atarians and if the Spring Atari Show does go ahead, as pre-planned from previous _______________________ years, then I doubt things will wane at / TOP 5 BESTEST FILMS \ all. | OF 1997 | I think that a new years resolution, | | this year, is for me to actually attend |1. Romeo and Juliet. | the bloody things, as my much promised |2. Mars Attacks! | desire to be at the October show suddenly |3. Face Off. | fizzled out when it coincided with twenty |4. A Life Less Ordinary. | thousand other things I was doing at the |5. The Full Monty. | time. \_______________________/ Anyway, illness leads the mind to turn into a vast, foggy cabbage of quite unaccessable proportions and after dodging poor health for the past three months of being around people who are sick, sick, sick, the little germ-like ones have caught up with me. So, my words of wibbling wonder shall be saved for another day, as now I am off to watch plentiful television and sip warm Ribena by the electric fireplace. See you soon. Jody 'JUST A PERFECT DAY, SLAY ANIMALS IN A ZOO, SKIN KOALAS AND MAKE A STEW AND THEN HOME' Smith and finally.... A SCENE SOMEWHERE IN CENTRAL LONDON, AUTUMN 1997 ____________________ _____________ | Change my picture, | | Oh look, | | Smack my bitch up. | | I'm a lass. | '---------, ,-------' '------, ,---' _____ \ \__ __ / /_ / \ >< \___> ee \___> /\ | /\ | /\\/ \/ \/ | \/ | ' /\ /|\/|> /))\__, |__/((\ | / /, / \ | _____=/__\__ | __/__\| /\ ' /\ /,,,,,,,,,,\ \/ \/_/____/ _/ /_ _\ \_ || || /_ ' || || d