.
                       #       .###.      ###.      .      .
                     ###.     ##.   '  .##' '#    #      #
                   ##   #      ##.    ##        #      #
                 ##.   ##        .#   #        #      #
                ##########        ##  #,      .#     .#
               ####     ##   ## .###   ##. ##  ##     ##
              #####     ####  ####      ####   ###.   ###.

         .
        ##.     ##                .                      .
       #  ##   .#     .####.     #       .              ##      #
      ##     # #     #   ##     ####.   #    ###.      #  #.   #
    ###       ##    #    ##    ##     .#    #   #    ##     # #
   ####       ##   # .  ##.   ###     ##   #.   #   ###      ##
  #####       ###   #######  ####.    ###.  ####'  ####      ##   #  #

 
     (Cue music! Orchestra play dammit! - Da da da DAH DAH! etc)

 .       .     .         Many years ago                 .      .
      .      .   .     in a distant galaxy         .              .   .
   .     .           far away, a long way away,        .    .
 .           .    we are talking about a lot further              .
       .        than the journey to the corner shop, or    .   .
   .         even the distance to go to Gdansk! In fact, we     .
       .   are talking billions and squillions of light years        .
  .      away, that a princess lived in her peaceful planet home
     of Boogaloo. Her people were happy and contented, but elsewhere
  many disturbing things were afoot! Oh yes, I suppose I've got to get
 some mention of a big scary Death-Star type of thing in here, but that 
comes a bit later in the story.  For now,  we get to meet our principal
characters, just to simmer the excitement levels down a bit.....
   

      .
    \{:}/    Another lovely day with my        'No there aren't any
   sSSSSSs  / happy Boogaloo people, I          Ma'am, we're all happy.'
  SS{@ @}SS    wonder if there are any
 S;(  v  );S   landmine victim orphans       '\ /\ /'    /\
 ss \<_>/ ss   for me to comfort?              \\//    , \/ ,
 _  .'-'.                                        \     \//\/
|  `\.../`\                                      /       \
| |        \         (Snurf!)                   /\       /\
\ \  )  ):\ \        ,,                       _/  \_    _\ \_
 \ \     | \_\      aa _                /------------------------------\
  \_\::::: /\\\     /_-                 |$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$|
  /|||   :                              \------------------------------/
  (   .  |                                O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O
   |  :  |                                
On the Planet Boogaloo, home of the lovely Princess Oranjeboom, 
everything seems hunky-dory...
------------------------------------------------------------------
img piccy of Adolf Hitler with caption 'She iz the ASCII Princess of ALL
our Hearts! Anyone who says she isn't, vill die!'
-------------------------------------------------------------------
                                                              @
                                                                  @
                                                                     @
 'Wassup       \\\\||/              'Appen, there's Harry          @
  Dirk, my     |.   .|               Ramsden's, and I'm           __
  old ship-    :@   @:                    STARVED!'    ___________||__
  -mate?'      {  V  }          \\\\////              /_____________/_\
     .          [\_/]           (a)  (a)             |Dodgy __Chippy| |
    _^_       __\___/__         (  V   )    ..        ||  ||  ||  | | |
   /___\     /  \   /  |        { <__> }   _/\_       ||__||  ||__| | |
__/_____\__  | | \ / | | ______  '....' __/    \/\____|____|  |_____|_|_
             | |  |  | |        /\----/\______/_           ##
             | |  |  | |       |        ______|=          ###
             |_| --- |_|       | |     |                       
             /\\\    |||\      | |     |

In the nearby Meredith System, on the planet Grobelaar, Ace smuggling 
pilot, and heroic git Ham YumYum, and his sidekick, Dirk, celebrate the 
tail-end of another dodgy deal.                                  

   *    .    .       .           .  :^^: .     \   /     .     .  .
.    .    .     .          .        \__/   .    | |    .    .
  .    .   .       .     _     _     ||       /\\ //\   Greebo, will
   _/\  /\  ./\  .    .   \   /   .  ||      /  \ /  \  you give that
 _/   \/  \/   \           | |       ||  .   \ a/ \a /  Galactic-Wide
/      \__/     \ Hurf!  /\| |/\     ||       \/   \/   Web porno thing
_________________ YUM!  /  \ /  \  __||______  \\ //    a rest. It's not
                Ha haar \ !/ \ !/             //\ /\\   as if you've met
                Oh Yes!  \/   \/             / | " | \  a real humanoid
                          \\ //              | |   | |  woman before!
                         //\ /\\            /  \\_// \
                        / | V | \               | | 
            *bleep*  ___|_|___|__|___           | | 
                    /               /\         /   \
      taptaptappitytap!            /  \
                  /               /    \

Meanwhile, another of our soon-to-be-met characters, Greebo, an alien 
from the Planet Salenger, is knee-deep in what he enjoys best!

   _________________________________________________________________
 // Corridor of Evil! Level 1 - Rectal Prolapse Room ---->
 \\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~        
 // /     _      _   Tell you what,                  Regret I can't..
 \\/     //\ __ /\\  When you go off      ()_()      I have no problem
 //   /  \ /-\/-\ /  duty, how about      / -----(o) with the concept
 \\  /    | a  a |   we crack open a     (_____)     of pornography,
 // /      \    /    jar of android      |O|O|O|     but my voice
 \\/       _\../_    ale, and watch      -------     synthesiser is
 //     / /  --  \   a pornographic      O     O---C  not programmed
 \\    / || oOoO ||  holovid or two     /| X13 |      to make sounds
 //   /  ||      ||  down the old      X |||||||      of crudely
 \\  /   ||      ||  mess hall..        /_______\     appreciative
 // /    XX      XX                       U   U       laughter...
 \\/       |  | |
Even in the corridors of evil, things were on a relaxed footing, with 
thoughts of evildoing as far away as was possible in such an 
environment!


But all that was to change, very very shortly, as the second chapter of 
this little tale will reveal!

                      '\ /\ /'    /\     Bo-o-o-galooooo, 
                        \\//    , \/ ,    Bo-o-o-galaaaaa!!
   OI YOU TWO!            \     \//\/       Bo-o-o-g-erm...
                          /       \
   STOP DANCING          /\       /\
   ON THAT COLUMN,     _/  \_    _\ \_
   THIS IS A      /------------------------\
   NATIONAL       |$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$|
   EMERGENCY      \------------------------/
   COMING UP!       O o O o O o O o O o O
                    | : | : | : | : | : |
                    |   |   |   |   |   |
                    | : | : | : | : | : |
                    |   |   |   |   |   |
                    | : | : | : | : | : |
                    |   |   |   |  _|   |
                    |   |   |   | /  \  |
                    |  /\   | __|/    \ |
                    | /  \__|/         \|
                    |/              '
                       '    '       '   '
                         '       '  '
                ()                              ()
                 ()    C h a p t e r  E n d    ()
                    ()                      ()

    p