ALARMING SCENES

The ferry on Friday 3rd June was the busiest ferry of the year to date, with the end of the Whit/May Bank Holiday seeing 128 souls ready to leave the island and 83 arriving on the ferry to replace them.

Just as the ferry docked however, the local Fire and Rescue Service (the Fire Brigade, as was) received a call-out to the newly-opened Hotel and the Fire Tender was soon seen whizzing down the hill past the shop. Just as the first cars coming off the ferry reached the bottom of the Hotel brae, the Fire Tender, in classic Keystone Kops fashion, came flying along, lights flashing and bells clanging, and swerved round the corner leaving the newly-arrived but suddenly halted visitors to wonder if they had just arrived on the set of a remake of "Towering Inferno".

Arriving at the Hotel, the Tender screeched to a halt and the firefighters leapt into the Hotel, unfortunately again blocking the path of the newly-arrived car-drivers, who, recovering from their part in the Keystone Kop moment, followed the Tender up the brae. At their head however was Ross Moodie, Senior Fireman, who had just come off the ferry from a Greek holiday, immediately swapping the Greece of Kos and Symi for the grease of the Colonsay Hotel kitchens (sorry, poetic licence there, Ross saw no grease in the kitchens...). What he did see though was the cause of the Hotel fire alarm going off, and thankfully it was no fire. Apparently the dish-washing machine got a little over-excited and the resultant belch of steam triggered the fire alarm.

The problem now was to turn off the fire alarm, and it was at this point that eveyone realised that no one present knew the code to disable it. Fireman Donald MacAllister quickly remembered two people who would know the code (no, not Margaret Darroch...), but these two people, his son wee Donald and Jim McLoughlin, had just boarded the ferry! Lightning-quick, Donald phoned the pier and the Piermaster contacted the ferry and a tannoy message was soon to be heard on the ship, requesting the two men's urgent assistance. This ultimately proved unnecessary however, as who should pass the Hotel at that very moment but the former owner, Christine, whose photographic memory provided the code and solved the problem.

Unfortunately your Editor missed all this alarming action, but fortunately was able to secure this exclusive photograph taken immediately after the crisis was over :

Our photograph shows a camera-shy George Leppard and an unabashed Lucy Johnstone getting their kit off in public. In the background, Donald MacAllister and Ross "Zorba" Moodie contemplate the scene. The Service's newest recruit Rob Pocklington, for whom this was his first call-out, is not to be seen. Perhaps he just stayed in the bar...

PARTY TIME!

There was a buzz about the island on Monday the 6th, in anticipation of festivities in the evening. Yes, it was the long-awaited Archie MacConnell Retirement Ceilidh in the Hall, the fourth such hootenanny in a series of events to mark the big man's retiral from the Roads Dept of Argyll and Bute Council. And a musical treat was in store too, as Archie had secured the services of the living legend Fergie MacDonald, complete with his band, to provide the music for the night.

The ferry duly docked at 7.20pm, and Fergie and his band were on board, as indeed were a number of other revellers, over specifically for the occasion. Let the fun begin!

Most of the time, Archie was to be found on the dance floor. Women virtually queued for the honour, and as the night wore on, so did a few men. On a night like this, the man was irrepressible, and it would seem, irresistable, as if, after all these years, he'd found the perfect combination of deodorant and after-shave. He certainly showed that he could still dance a bit :

 

Midway or so through the evening, there was a wee break for food, but it would have taken the entire employees of Argyll and Bute Council all night and most of the next day to get through the sheer quantity of food prepared by Audrey and friends. There was a riff of chicken drumsticks, chicken pieces, ham, various flavours of quiche, cocktail sausages, sausages wrapped in bacon, samosas, oysters and virtual mountains of sumptious sandwiches. And that's not even starting on the desserts...It is believed that a structural engineer will visit the island soon to assess the degree of damage to the Hall floor caused by the weight of the food.

And so the music, mirth and dancing resumed, and despite it being a work day for many in the morning, the party continued into the wee sma' hours. Finally, a human circle was thrown round Archie and the hall resounded to "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow", before the same circle brought the evening to a close with "Auld Lang Syne" :

There was alarm a few moments later when Archie appeared on the stage and we all thought that he was going to sing - but fortunately he only wanted a photograph with Fergie and the band :

So there we have it then; four parties for the one retirement. And don't think for one moment that Archie has ruled out a fifth...

ISLAND BLOGGING

For those Readers who access these pages through the internet rather than through a printed copy, there is the opportunity to "Island Blog", with Colonsay perhaps your "home" island.

Through BBC Scotland Interactive's Island Blogging project, islanders from round North Argyll, including Colonsay, have for the last 18 months or so formed an online community by posting blogs (web-logs) at www.bbc.co.uk/islandblogging. Now the project is being extended to include all the islands of Scotland and as part of this extension, Mike Small of BBC Scotland will be visiting the islands to introduce and explain the concept.

Mike has advised that the take-up on Colonsay has been poor and therefore hopes to make a visit to Colonsay and give a presentation in the island Hall. In the meantime, Mike has provided some details of exactly what blogging entails (It's free and easy to do and requires no computer knowledge or expertise. All you need is to have something to say!) :

WHAT IS BLOGGING
Blogging is creating your own 'web log'. A web log or 'blog' is a website where you write short entries, and anyone can view your writing and add comments.
Blogging has become a huge phenomenon in the last couple of years. At the beginning of 1999 only 23 blogs were listed, now there are over a million and a half.

HOW DO I TAKE PART
You can set start your own blog at any time. Simply go to the website at http://www.bbc.co.uk/islandblogging and register by emailing the BBC your address details. You'll be sent a set of guidelines. After you've agreed to the 'House Rules' and registered which island you are based on, you can go ahead and set up your own blog.
You can choose from one of six design templates how your blog will be laid out.
That's it. It's free and very straightforward. All you need to think about now is what you are going to write about.

What makes a good blog?
There are no hard and fast rules on this, you'll find your own way. Short regular updates seem to work better than long-winded and infrequent ones.
Be yourself. Write about what interests you and that will come over in your writing. Take care. Like any sort of writing, if your blog is riddled with typos and spelling errors it will turn people away. It doesn't need to be a work of art but a little care and attention goes a long way.
Some people treat their blogs as a diary, some have specific themes, some have loads of links to other sites, while others have none.

Are there any rules? Yes. There's a set of House Rules you're asked to obey. Basically you're asked to keep your contributions civil and tasteful. You're not allowed to swear, link to another website that might be considered offensive, and you've got to be based on one of the listed islands. You can only have one blog (sorry). Money-making isn't allowed. We don't want people to use Island Blogging for advertising, commercial activities or fund-raising. Once you've signed up you've agreed to abide by these rules and it's assumed you've read them.
Other than that, it's pretty much up to you.

So dear Reader, you can start today, or if you would like a little more information first, visit www.bbc.co.uk/islandblogging

All are welcome!

AN INTERESTING BLOG

Whilst researching the above article, your Editor came across a blog on the Colonsay pages which certainly throws a fresh slant on our recent musings on the matters of Colonsay emigration, the McDuffie DNA Surname Project etc.

The blog was posted by Jacqueline Waldon from Atlanta, Georgia, USA. From her blog, it is evident that the colour of her skin does not preclude an interest in Colonsay. She writes :

"I've inquired, through Google, for the root ancestor of the McAfee.
My Great, Great grandmother was a slave of John McAfee, who resided in Canton or Woodstock, Georgia. It is my assumption that he travelled to Georgia from the Carolinas, north or south, I don't know which, and ended up in Woodstock, Ga. where he owned slaves, African/native Indian slaves.

During this time. if you were a person of colour you were somebody's slave. It is said that part of his possessions was one female slave named Nancy, which is my great, great grandmother's name. That is all I have. I can name the children she had and there were about four girls and four boys.

If anyone has any information along these lines please howl back. I've always loved the sea and the island life. Could it be that I have Colonsay blood in my veins?".

POETRY CORNER

Staying on the topic of blogging, our poetry offering for this Issue was also found on the Colonsay blog pages.

Despite the high-tech source, the poem transports us back in time some 120 years or so, as the lines in question were composed by "Phemie" sometime in the 1880s. The lines were collected by Frances Murray, who was of course the author of "Summer in the Hebrides" and the poem appeared for the first time in print in that very tome in 1887.

Phemie was apparently a servant in the Murray household and, through the family's visits to Colonsay and Oransay, came to be "heartily liked by every one on the island". Certainly the island and its people made a strong impression on Phemie :

Is this reminiscent of stepping off the CalMac ferry today? Answers on a postcard please...

And can any Reader throw any light on "Phemie", or indeed "Donald", for whom she obviously had an affection and held in such high regard? And, if any Reader has an ode to contribute, The Corncrake would be delighted to hear from you.

CALMAC

The prospect of significant fare increases face islanders and visitors alike, due to soaring fuel costs.

Publicly-owned CalMac, which carries more than five million passengers and one million cars each year, already operates some of the most expensive ferry crossings in the world. They are however set to become even more expensive because of the end of a three-year fixed price fuel deal.

CalMac are set to hold talks with the Scottish Executive over the price hike. The company, which already receives a subsidy of £27million a year, struck a deal over bulk-buying fuel for its 31 ferries. The deal, which ends in July, involved financial institutions guaranteeing fuel at a fixed price. While fuel prices remained low, investors made money - but with oil prices soaring no broker is prepared to offer a similar deal and CalMac will have to pay the commercial rate.

A CalMac spokesman would not reveal the scale of fare increases but admitted their fuel bill would go up by 'millions'. He added : 'Over the last three years we have had stability over fuel prices. It has been good planning by the company. But now nobody is offering a similar package and we will have to buy on the open market. We can absorb that for a few months but not beyond that.

So, on top of the ongoing uncertainty over the proposed tendering process, those who have chosen to live in the islands face even more concern and anxiety in connection with their "lifeline" ferry service.

NEW JOBS FOR THE BOYS?

News reaches Corncrake Towers that our man of many talents, Sid Bowman, may be about to turn his back on how he currently utilises his skills, to branch out, in Pythonesque fashion, to try his hand at "something completely different".

Even worse news is that if Sid does indeed decide on a change of employment,(what?? CalMac without Sid??), it may entail him saying "farewell", for a time at least if not permanently, to the island that has been his home for over 20 years. For it would appear that the job opportunity currently under Sid's consideration would involve him relocating somewhere away from Colonsay.

STOP PRESS : Further word has just reached the Editorial offices that Sid would in fact be swapping the shores of Colonsay for the waters of the city of Venice! In an effort to corroborate this information, your Editor went in search of the man himself. What he saw next renderred verbal corroboration from Sid unnecessary :

 

So it was true! Sid is off to become a gondolier! We hope by our next Issue to have tracked Sid down and found out more for our Readers about this somewhat surprising change of vocation.

Still reeling from this revelation, it is indeed fortuitous that the bar has recently re-opened, as your Editor was badly in need of a restorative tipple when the next piece of news filtered through. There is, it would seem, every likelihood that CalMac could be about to lose yet another member of staff! Kevin has apparently never lost that childhood lure of the "Big Top" and the trenchant aroma of greasepaint and elephant dung. Thus he has recently signed up for a crash course in high-wire and trapeze artistry (not an appropriate adjective for such a course, I would have thought...).

Thus the world famous trapeze artists "The Amazing Wynduppi Brothers" made a recent sojourn to Colonsay, and our photograph shows them setting up their kit whilst Kevin ponders just what heights he could reach in the Circus, and just how was he going to manage to get his trusty bike up there?

It would perhaps appear that there is some confusion in Corncrake Towers between the words "scoop" and "spoof"...

NOW WHERE COULD THAT BE?

Well, the ink was barely dry on our last Issue when we received two responses (see Letters section), both from recent visitors, and, coincidently, both from Lancashire, concerning the location of the building featured in our first "Now Where Could That Be?" photograph.

Stephen Halliwell and Hugh and Linda Barton correctly identified the old sawmill building, and both parties for good measure provided the map reference of 967 398.

Hugh and Linda went the extra mile and even provided their own recently taken photograph of the building, which is located some 100 yards or so from Avenue Cottage on the path to where Andrew Abrahams has some of his bee-hives :

This new feature for The Corncrake would appear to be a potentially popular one, judging by the feedback received to date. So, with no expense spared, your Editor scoured the length and breadth of the island for a further photograph in the series. At the end of an exhausting day, a photograph was eventually taken, and without further ado, here it is :

So, eagle-eyed Readers, just where on Colonsay or Oransay would you be if you came upon this scene? And, for an extra brownie point (no materialist prizes here!), what is the object and what purpose does it and did it serve? :

Entries as usual to : editorcorncrake@yahoo.co.uk ; by telephone : 01951 200336 ; or by post to : The Editorial Suite, The Corncrake, Corncrake Towers, Scalasaig, Isle of Colonsay, Argyll, PA61 7YW, Scotland. No timewasters please.

LOOK BACK IN ALBUM

In our last Issue, Readers were presented with not one, but two, old photographs to peruse, courtesy of John Clark. The photographs were taken at the celebrations on the opening of the last Colonsay petrol pump but one. And the year? Well, there remains some dubiety, but most people put the year at 1983. Can anyone confirm?

As to the identities of those attending the celebrations that day, we hope that the following proves correct :

Along the back : Andrew Hall-Gardiner in the shades, Kevin Byrne, Charlie McKinnon, Donald and Annie "Gartcosh", with the back of someone's head head as he talks to them. It has been suggested that this may be Alec Lawson, but again some dubiety remains.
Along the front : Christa and Geasper Byrne, Nigel Grant, the back of Ron Crawford's head, Donald John MacArthur, Graham Campbell, Jessie "Machrins", Frank Nicholson, Catriona McFadyen and finally, Paula and Annie Lawson. And in the car? Well, no one has yet been able to identify the driver or his car. Can you?

Moving on to the second photograph :

Omitting a number of people partially obscured, the revellers are, Lto R : Angus Clark, Donald "Gartcosh", Karen Brown, Katy "Bheag" Brown, Annie Lawson, Laura Rose, Jean Cook, Geasper Byrne, Christa Byrne, Kevin Byrne, Donald John MacArthur, Sandy Cook, Ina Williams, Johnnie Williams, Nigel Grant and finally, Mary Ann.

As ever, your Editor would be pleased to hear from anyone who thinks differently.

And so, we at last arrive at our new old photograph for this Issue. We are again indebted in this regard to Fran Patrick, who, on a recent visit, brought The Corncrake a collection of old photographs, including the specimen below :

So, time to dust down the grey matter and again start regretting that you didn't go for that memory transplant after all...

SNIPPETS

Islanders were stunned to hear on Wednesday the 1st that Eleanor had suffered a stroke early that morning and that the left hand side of her body was paralysed. She was however still able to talk and think in both the Gaelic and English, but poor weather conditions dictated that she could not be flown off to hospital until the following morning.

This of course created an anxious time for all, the first 24 hours following a stroke often being critical. Eleanor herself was anxious not to fall asleep and talked the whole night through, leaving Rhona, who stayed with her through the night, more than just a little bit tired. The Air Ambulance did however eventually arrive, and Seumas went with his mother in the plane (which on take-off, narrowly missed plunging into the sea, leaving Seumas glad he was wearing his brown trousers).

At time of writing, Eleanor remains in the Cruachan unit of Oban Hospital, surrounded by flowers sent and handed in by a myriad of wellwishers. Rhona had her out in a wheelchair for some fresh air the other day, and she is receiving physiotherapy whilst her condition continues to be closely monitored.

Our thoughts are all with her at this time and we look forward to the day she returns home to Colonsay, although this may yet be a few weeks away.

Duncan McDougall was complaining just the other day that The Corncrake rarely featured items covering that little gem of an island just to the South, Oransay. So here's a wee tale of a typical day on that island :

Painting a window one day recently, Duncan McDougall (well, the odds were in favour of Duncan featuring in a story set on Oransay, weren't they...), when a couple dressed in yachting gear approached him and asked to see round the Garden. Without even taking his eye off the task in hand, Duncan advised them that this was not possible as the owner of the island was in residence. At this the chap expressed an interest in meeting the owner. "A couple of chancers here", thought Duncan before advising them that he did not know of Mrs Colburn's whereabouts. With that last rebuff they sauntered off in the direction of the Priory.

An hour or so later, taking his eye off the task in hand for a moment, Duncan noticed Mrs Colburn in long conversation with the couple, who then set off to return to their yacht. Mrs Colburn then came over to Duncan and said, rather excitedly, "Guess who I've just been talking to!", before adding that it was Princess Anne and her husband. "Och, and I'm just after refusing them access to the Garden!", bemoaned Duncan. At this Mrs Colburn said "Oh! They did hint at that desire, but I got sidetracked!"

So there we have it. Just another day on Oransay; a Royal couple come all the way to see the Garden but can't get entry, and Duncan's chances of that knighthood recede even further...

When the hotel closed its doors some six months ago, it naturally had a significant effect on island life. For those who enjoy a regular tipple the effect was naturally greater than for those who frequented the bar only occasionally, for an odd quaff, a bite to eat, or just for the gossip and the Craic.

Perhaps the effect was most profound however on a man who only ventured through its doors once a week. I refer to the island's oldest citizen, our man Dugie McGilivray, who, in his 97th year, visited the Shop every Saturday and would then retire to the Hotel for his weekly ration of gin and orange, Bombay gin being his preference. This weekly routine being Dugie's only regular outing from home, the closure of the Hotel was a serious blow, not only to himself but to fans of Catalinas everywhere.

It was therefore heart-warming to visit the Hotel on the first Saturday after it re-opened to find the following scene :

Yes, there was the reassuring sight of Dugie sitting on his favourite bar stool, sipping a gin and orange and waxing lyrically about the Catalinas that he has known and loved. A sight indeed to warm the cockles of your heart. Fàilte air ais Dugie!

Calling Emma Potter!!

Last month The Corncrake received a call from an Emma Potter concerning a matter dear to her heart. Your Editor promised to research the issue and then get back to her. Alas and alack!! When we came to call Emma back, it transpired that some (unnamed) member of the Corncrake Towers staff had written her number down wrongly. 'Se amadan a th' ann!

So, Emma, please forgive us all and call The Corncrake again. It will be worth it - we do have good news for you!!

Despite a plea in our last Corncrake, no piper has yet made his or her services available for the Arandora Star memorial dedication service to be held at Leam a'Bhriar on Saturday 2nd July. Can any Reader help?

The unkempt state of the island's graveyard has increasingly been a topic of concern and conversation on the island of late. Indeed, The Corncrake received a letter from Frank Nicholson ( see Letters section) which echoed most islanders' thoughts on the subject.

A solution is at hand however; on a visit from Islay on Wednesday 15th June, The Council representatives asked Archie to come out of retirement and bring the graveyard back to an acceptable condition. (Does this mean another million-dollar bash as Archie celebrates his re-retirement??)

This is only a short term solution however, as it was simultaneously announced that George Leppard has been appointed as Archie's successor, and George takes up his new duties on Monday 20th June.

Congratulations then to George, but who now is going to save the islanders from death by Rhodie strangulation? Help!

So, what is the latest news on Netta's new shed/taigh beag/time-machine, I hear regular Readers impatiently ask.

Well, funny you should ask, but just the other day, your Editor emerged from some bushes to an astonishing sight. That veteran joiner, Don Macleod, had obviously been hard at work :

This was obviously a Corncrake camera moment, and just as the shutter closed on the above sight, Netta herself appeared and mighty chuffed she looked too. "That's it finished!" she exclaimed excitedly, adding "Now I'm going to stay in it!".

Your Editor was thunderstruck with the news that she was actually going to stay in it, and a thousand possible scenarios ran amok through his brain. Was Netta being evicted? Had she fallen behind with the rent? Was she being cleared, making way for sheep? Had she fallen out with Tara (her dog)? Or was it REALLY a time-machine, and this was her veiled hint that she was going in to the shed and would not be coming back?

Your Editor, for once, was speechless and could not find the words to ask Netta WHY? In a daze, he wandered off to contemplate this stunning news and to try to arrive at a reasonable scenario as to why Netta would want to give up the house to stay in the shed, pretty though it was.

Hours passed, but still in a state of puzzlement and with a hurting head, he determined that in the interests of retaining the little sanity he has left, he would just go and ask Netta straight out.

As he approached Creagoran, he saw Netta outside at her shed, which was now sporting a darker hue, and she appeared to be holding a can of stai... And then the penny dropped! Work it out for yourselves :

No doubt the end of this long-running "story" will have a negative effect on Corncrake circulation figures, but we can at least be pleased for Netta. The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away...

CAPTION COMPETITION

Could your Editor take this opportunity to remind Readers that entries to the competition close a few days before the publication of the next Issue, mainly to allow the winner time to get a photograph to us for the following Issue's competition. In the last two days we have received six excellent entries, all too late to be entered in the competition this time round - a pity to waste all that fine humour!

Moving on to the competition in question, an honorary mention must go to Mark Hemmings, who has ended up as Runner-Up for the fifth time! However, Mark's humour has found him in the Winner's Enclosure on at least a couple of occasions, so all we can say is "keep trying"!

And on to the Winner this time round, Gordon Morrison of Scottish Water Solutions, who claimed victory with the following :

Unfortunately, Gordon was unable to get a suitable photograph to us in time for this Issue's competition, but, never fear, Readers are always keen to provide The Corncrake with suitable material...
In this instance, we are grateful to the photographic skills of Andrew McGregor for this little gem :

Entries as usual to : editorcorncrake@yahoo.co.uk ; by telephone : 01951 200336 ; or by post to : A.N.Other, The Corncrake Caption Competition (Issue 117), c/o The Editorial Suite, The Corncrake, Corncrake Towers, Scalasaig, Isle of Colonsay, Argyll, PA61 7YW, Scotland. Calls will of course be charged at premium rates.

WHAT'S ON IN COLONSAY

Please note that there is also a Notice Board on the Homepage; anyone wishing to publicise any event or attraction is invited to send details to the Editor.

TOPICAL LETTERS

Instructions are supplied, but two hints may help:
1. When using phrases, enclose them in quotation marks. For example, [lifting stone] will get you every instance of [lifting] or [stone] but ["lifting stone"] will get you what you want.
2. When you see the results, they may seem unlikely. This is because many documents (e.g. each issue of The Corncrake) are in reality just one single "page", covering many unrelated topics. No problem! Open the page, then go to the "Find (on this page)" option at the top of your screen, on a drop-down menu presented by the second button from the left. Type in the word you seek and hey-presto, it is highlighted for you. Note that you must give the page time to load (an issue of The Corncrake takes up to a minute), also that there may be more than one example on the page, so use the "Find (on this page)" function again to check that you have not missed anything.