BLIADHNA MHATH ÙR!

And a Guid, if belated, New Year to you, dear Reader.

As we reach the 17th of the month, the island is again approaching some degree of normality. The 'New Year' has been brought in, and for devotees of the pre-Gregorian calendar, the 'Auld New Year' has also provided the opportunity for a 'double' celebration.

The passing of the 'auld year' into the 'new' is of course traditionally a time for introspection and reflection . The traumatic events of the 28th December on the island did however accentuate this annual process of self-examination and have ultimately, we believe, left the island in a stronger and more robust frame of mind.

Certainly the year was still young when news arrived from Edinburgh to provide some cheer; for Kevin and Christa's daughter Sophie gave birth to a bonny baby daughter on the 6th (Epiphany). The baby, who weighed in at a very healthy 7lbs 10oz, has already been named and will be known by the names Madeleine Grace.

And what about a picture of the baby, we hear you ask. And we go one better, for here is one of Madeleine with her parents Nico and Sophie, together with her elder sister, Phoebe :

And then the following day the whole island was invited to a party to help celebrate Mary MacLeod reaching the ripe old age of 40! And help they did, a grand night being had by all. And here's a shot of Mary showing us that, despite her advancing years, she still has some puff left :

PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SORROW...

And so we come to that time of the year when your Editor will be forcibly removed from his labour of love in Corncrake Towers and, suitably restrained, bundled aboard a ferry for onward transportation to the colonies.

Much kicking and screaming will ensue as his beloved isle recedes into the distance, but this will hopefully subdue with the realisation that this enforced temporary exile may eventually return him with renewed vigour and sanity (well there's an insane thought if there ever was one...), ready for another year at the cutting edge of journalism (and that makes two...).

A distressing time for your Editor then, and only the (poor) consolation of a little warm sunshine and the occasional pina colada or three. And a distressing time too for our Readership, shorn of their regular Corncrake fix; indeed, if you feel at all distressed by this news, it is perhaps time that you too took a little holiday on the funny farm.

So when will the distinctive cry of the Corncrake be heard again? Well, allowing for a fair wind and a fair drying-out period, there may be a small Issue mid-February, otherwise, we will see you all again on the 1st of March.

Tioraidh!

NO MAGIC FERRY

Travellers to and from Colonsay are frequently reminded that the island does not feature high on CalMac's list of priorities. Sometimes however it becomes difficult to establish whether it is CalMac's incompetence or its indifference that causes the greater degree of anger and frustation for its Colonsay-bound customers.

On Monday 9th January, with the MV Isle of Mull in dry dock with a rudder problem, Calmac decided to send the MV Isle of Arran on the Colonsay run. Predictably, given that the vessel in question was not built for these waters, she turned back in heavy, but hardly stormy, seas. Given the £25 million subsidy the company receives from the Scottish Executive, surely it is not too much to ask that Calmac is always able to send a suitable vessel on the Colonsay run?

That was Calmac's incompetence; the company's indifference became more apparent the following morning when, in calm conditions, no effort at all was made to send a relief vessel to the island, despite the fact that high winds were being forecast for the remainder of the week, and here they were being presented with the perfect window of opportunity to at least make some amends for their incompetence of the previous day (or was there an element of indifference there too?).

The question of incompetence or indifference aside, CalMac's actions left many with two days less in their working week, whilst our secondary schoolchildren were denied two days of their education.

That was however not the end of the story. On the Friday, Calmac again made no effort at all to provide the scheduled service to Colonsay, but instead promised a boat late on the Saturday. Come Saturday afternoon, almost as if to rub it in, Calmac did not send just one boat to Colonsay, it sent two! And here is the photographic evidence of this strange event :

The 'Isle of Mull', on route back from dry dock, called to pick up our Oban-bound traffic, but had to 'sit off' while the 'Lord of the Isles' disgorged the Colonsay traffic from Oban, before 'Loti' carried on to Tiree. As one local wag put it : " It's just like waiting for a bus; you wait all day and then two come at once!".

Well at least we still have our sense of humour...

TENDERLY DOES IT

Staying for the moment on the subject of CalMac, there have been two pieces of news since Issue 129 concerning the company. Firstly, it has emerged that on the tendering front, of 17 initial expressions of interest in the routes, the competition has been narrowed down to three contenders - CalMac, Western Ferries and V Ships. The companies are competing for the right to run the parcel of 25 services from 2007.

Western Ferries currently competes with CalMac on the Gourock to Dunoon crossing. V Ships is one of the world's biggest ship management companies, servicing a fleet of more than 600 vessels. It has about 22,500 sea staff and employs a further 1,100 people in offices in 26 countries.

Meanwhile, it has been confirmed that CalMac is to transfer its ship crewing operations to Guernsey, a move that is estimated to save the company more than £1m a year in National Insurance contributions. CalMac says it needs to cut costs if it is to successfully tender for the Clyde and Hebrides ferry routes. The new offshore crewing company, which will be known as CalMac Crewing (Guernsey) Ltd, is expected to come into being in February and will have all sea-going employees - estimated to be about 650 staff, transferred to it.

All employees in the human resources, fleet operations and payroll departments will be transferred to another new company, Caledonian MacBrayne HR (UK) Ltd, which would be based at CalMac's Gourock office.

Lawrie Sinclair, managing director of CalMac, has written to all staff informing them of the decision and a 90-day formal consultation on the plan has begun. His letter states: "CalMac has identified a management company based in Guernsey which can provide the corporate and administrative structures and services required to proceed with the proposed change to an off shore employment company for all of CalMac's sea-going staff. The contract that would be entered into would be between Caledonian MacBrayne Ltd and Clyde Marine Offshore Ltd, which is part of the Glasgow-based Clyde Group." Mr Sinclair added: "The arrangement detailed here enables Caledonian MacBrayne to offer an appropriate company and contractual structure, recognising the fact that these proposals are currently being progressed under the consultation process which is due to continue until the end of January 2006."

The decision has been condemned by SNP transport spokesman Fergus Ewing who stated that "It speaks volumes about ministers' handling of this whole affair that, in order to justify the subsidy paid to CalMac to serve our remote and island communities, a publicly-owned company is going to have to dodge paying national insurance to the Treasury which in turn pays a block grant to the Scottish Executive to fund such things as subsidies to CalMac."

Well, yes, we think that we know what he means, but it's a bit early in the year yet to try to understand it fully...

I KNOW WHERE I'M GOING...

Do we know where we are going with this? Just when we thought that we might manage a whole issue of The Corncrake without reference to THAT film, our attention was drawn to a recent article in the travel pages of 'The Independent' by Ian Irvine.

In the article, entitled " Best For Getting Away From It All: Colonsay", Ian Irvine focuses on the relative remoteness of Colonsay : "Even today the island is pretty remote - a good two and a half hours by ferry from the major West Highland port of Oban - but in 1944 it was even more so. In his evocative memoir, 'A Life in Movies', the film director Michael Powell recounts his four-day journey there from Glasgow, by way of Greenock, Tarbert, Crinan and Jura. Powell was already a passionate aficionado of islands: he had made 'The Edge of the World' in 1938 about the forbiddingly isolated island of Foula in Shetland. But Colonsay was something else:

"The island had no jetty, and sent a boat out to meet the steamer. There was a comfortable little hotel, and we soon scrambled to a high point of the island, which was only 300 feet above sea level. From here the whole glorious panorama from Iona to Kintyre lay before us, and I shouted out that this wonderful land and seascape could be the only setting for our story. If I could only get a film unit up here, and somehow feed and lodge them, I knew that we would bring back a wonderful film. It wasn't just the scenery, it was the feel of the place.""

Alas, as we are all aware, Powell and Pressburger's romance eventually had to be shot on Mull for practical reasons. Ach but it's still just got to be one of our favourite films, hasn't it?

UISGE GU LEOR!

At last! We can now exclusively reveal that the new 'Isle of Colonsay' malt whisky has arrived on the island and better still, that it is available for purchase! :

Indeed, the whisky arrived just in time for the festive season, it of course not being distilled on Colonsay (there being no licit stills on the island...), but distilled for us on our closest neighbour Islay, which has more distilleries per head of population than anywhere else on the planet.

Researchers were chosen completely at random from within the Corncrake team to 'taste' the whisky on behalf of our Readership, and your Editor is doubly pleased to be able to report that it is indeed a mighty fine malt. It has a heathery nose, a smooth and firm body, a dry palate with a suggestion of peat and a long, long finish with a range of subtle flavours (sometimes we think that we should chuck this Corncrake business and concentrate solely on the whisky tasting...).

All this should come as no surprise, for the 'Isle of Colonsay' malt is a limited independent bottling of a 1994 Bruichladdich aged in bourbon and sherry casks. Beware of the bite though, the malt has an alc/vol of 46%.

Should you wish to taste this little (or 'mighty' may be the more appropriate appellation) gem, stroll in to Colonsay General Stores and hand over a mere £30 and a bottle of the amber nectar will be yours. A brisk walk indeed might be recommended over the stroll, given that stock is moving like snow off a dyke.

If however you are not on the island and do not make a special trip to purchase (such a trip is highly recommended), the good news is that a postal delivery service is available to anywhere in the world. Just e.mail Mike at : shop.colonsay@virgin.net and your enquiry/order will be responded to with details of postage costs to your neck of the bottle..sorry, woods. Very soon thereafter you will be enjoying one of life's greatest pleasures. Enjoy!

Oh! Watch out in a forthcoming 'Poetry Corner' for an ode in honour of this special bottling!

PROBLEMS FOR THE ELECTRONIC CROFTER

On the broadband front, islanders are going through a frustrating and confusing time at present, due to problems with the Zetnet ISP and with the changing status of the Exchange. In light of this, The Corncrake asked Angela Skrimshire, who has been researching this complicated issue, to prepare a summary of the current situation so that islanders and their electronic correspondents might better understand what our broadband future is likely to hold. Here is Angela's report :

"Colonsay got broadband in August 2004, as a pilot Exchange Activate (EA) project set up through the HIE. Under an EA scheme, the exchange is converted to supply a limited form of broadband to a very small community. It allows for 30 connections at 512kb speed, and a single ISP is given the "lead" contract for three years, with discretion to allocate capacity to a further 4 ISPs if it agrees. From a short list of small Scottish companies, we chose Zetnet Services Limited. Some of us remained very happy with this provision for over a year, especially with Zetnet's cheap and helpful phone support service. However a few have throughout suffered persistent problems that they attribute to the ISP.

We were very lucky to get broadband so soon, as shortly afterwards BT set "triggers" for EA conversion for many of the small exchanges targeted by HIE, thus ruling out not-for-profit public schemes like HIE's. Later, the Scottish Executive set up a scheme for broadband provision throughout the Highlands and Islands, for which BT won the contract. That scheme has gradually gone ahead, but it was not until last month that all small communities like ours (eg Lismore) had become EA areas. We have had the benefit of broadband for 17 months already, thanks to HIE.

BT has taken the position of lead ISP in all the 147 new EA areas in the ScotExec scheme. The terms of contracts to supply EAs seems to make them unattractive to many large ISPs who might be competitive with BT. While other ISPs' websites may show that they can supply to an EA exchange, in practice only BT and a few others are actually available. So far hardly anyone in an EA area has succeeded in signing up for broadband with any other ISP other than BT. Any who do can expect to find their service cut off without notice.

It appears that many of these EA areas are in fact technically equipped for full conversion, in that they could be supplied by any ISP and at higher speeds, but BT is said to be claiming not to be able to designate them as such within the budget afforded them by the Executive.

A further problem is that BT continues to install "DACS boxes" by which a phone line is physically shared between two customers. It is not possible to receive broadband via a shared line, and the speed of even an ordinary dial-up connection is drastically reduced. Initially BT were usually prepared to remove the DACs box from a customer signing up for broadband - but they do not guarantee to do so, and some new applicants are now coming up against this obstacle. And when a DACS box is removed from one line, it is straightway liable to be installed on another ("juggling the DACS boxes").

One family on Colonsay did not quickly reactivate their broadband connection after transferring their phone line on moving house. BT then "DACS'd" their line to share it with another new house. They were unaware of the implications of this, and failed to object, until a few months later they signed up again for broadband. Only after BT had issued them with a new modem and billed them for it, were they informed that they could not receive broadband on their shared line! Their situation is still not resolved.

The position on Colonsay is further complicated because Zetnet began to get into financial difficulties, and in August 2005 for technical reasons had to relinquish to BT its contract as sole supplier to our EA exchange. We have only just discovered this. Meanwhile Zetnet Services has gone into administration and re-emerged as a different company with a similar name (Zetnet Ltd) and two of the original staff as directors working heroically to maintain the service. There have been some outages and other problems and those of us who are still signed up with Zetnet are anxious about our future situation. It seems that, although work has been done to allow for a greater number of broadband connections through our exchange, it will for the foreseeable future remain officially an EA exchange. It is unlikely to become possible for us to sign up with alternative ISPs of our own choice - other than with BT or a narrow selection that might eventually include Scotnet and AOL.

This is an ongoing situation, and islanders are taking it up with relevant channels, so that we will have to see how things will turn out. Meanwhile a good source of information on the situation more generally, especially in the North Argyll Islands Digital Community area, is on the community website http://www.2000friends.co.uk/index2.html and its related Forum (eg see http://p101.ezboard.com/f2000friendsfrm21.showMessage?topicID=40.topic ) to whose dedicated webmaster and contributors I owe much of the above information (including a link to BT Wholesale's page on EA at http://tinyurl.com/dqmw6), though any factual mistakes and mere opinions are likely to be my own!"

Angela Skrimshire,
14.01.06

Our grateful thanks go to Angela for simplifying and clarifying this complex issue for us. Meanwhile, it's fingers-crossed time for we electronic crofters and for the publication of this and further issues of The Corncrake...

MY COLONSAY PAINTING

Away back in Issue 129 (doesn't time fly when you're having fun?), we began what we hoped would become established as an occasional column in The Corncrake; a column featuring paintings by various artists, both professional and amateur, of different parts of the island.

Mary Frame was first up and kindly forwarded a pastel that she did of the Strand from Oransay, and this kick-started the column back in Issue 129. Mary has been kind enough to forward another pastel which she completed only a couple of weeks ago. This time her location is Port Mór and she has given the pastel the apt title of 'The Lone Fisherman' :

Stunning, isn't it? Just how many shades of grey are there anyway?

So, many thanks again to Mary. And now, dear Reader, would anyone else care to share their art with us?

THE HUMOURS OF KILORAN

Your Editor paid a visit to The Colonsay recently when he was approached by a man of smallish stature but substantial girth who said "I've got a joke for you that doesn't even mention George Bush". And right enough, it didn't. It featured instead a talking centipede. So here it is :

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. "I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring, normal pet. No cats or dogs or budgies for me. I want something different." The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede. "Really?", says the man, "How much?" The owner informs him that the talking centipede is £50. Happy with the unusual offering, the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.

On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says "Hello Mr Centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says nothing. Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.

An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello Mr Centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede again says nothing. Starting to get suspicious, the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.

An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello Mr Centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?" The centipede says "I heard you the first time! Give me a chance to get my shoes on!"

Boom! Boom!

MY COLONSAY PHOTOGRAPH

Our 'Colonsay Photograph' for this Issue comes from the camera of Alastair Morton, a regular visitor to the island, and, it transpires, a man with Colonsay ancestors. For Alastair has two great-grandparents (on his mother's side) who were both born on the island. For those of you who like genealogical puzzles, Alastair's mother's great-aunt was Alastair Scouller's great-grandmother. If you work it out, you could perhaps let us know...

Anyway, back to the point. The photograph of Alastair's that we have chosen is one of a very common scene on Colonsay, yet his photograph is a powerfully evocative one :

As Alastair himself says, this photograph "...needs no explanation. It captured for me the focus which the ferry inevitably has for the island with the usual bustle going on down at the pier, which is so peaceful when the ship has departed."

And who is that rolling down the road in search of yet another scoop? Yes, you guessed correctly!

Finally, we were also in receipt of an excellent photograph from Chris Ewing which is worthy of a wider audience as it features a thistle in the sky. Yes, you read it correctly, a thistle! :

And Alex Salmond wasn't even on the island at the time!

NATURE NOTES

Ever in search of a scoop, the Corncrake team have come up with a fiendishly clever plan - jump into one of the trusty Corncrake fleet and follow Walter 'The Owl' Williams around the island. For, as regular and observant Readers will be only too well aware, there is not much goes on on Colonsay that doesn't seem to involve Wattie!

And the plan is already reaping dividends, for on Friday the 13th (lucky for some!) Wattie was just passing Ben Oran when what should dash across the road in front of him but a young otter. Jamming on his brakes, Wattie managed to avoid the frightened animal, and it dived into the Doc's cattle grid to hide. Whether it was the sight of the advancing Corncrake camera or just the sight of Wattie's face we do not know, but the young otter jumped out and headed up the Doc's garden, where we were able to take this snap :

Unfortunately it is not the best photograph ever taken, but Readers who know their otters may be able to tell the age and condition of the poor beast. Otters have a lifespan of only about five years in the wild and young otters stay with their mothers for over a year. This one looked less than a year old, but the fact that it seemed unduly thin perhaps made it look younger than it actually was. Any information gratefully received.

Staying on the Nature front, we wonder if any Reader can help us identify the creature responsible for these, for want of a better term, 'molehills' :

But they are of course not molehills, there being no moles on the island. The mounds appear every year around the onset of Winter and seem to be most prevalent on hilly ground. Careful examination of the mounds also reveals that they always seem to be made where the soil is particularly sandy. Just what kind of beast can be responsible? We rely on you, dear Reader, to help solve this mysterious phenomenon.

POETRY CORNER

John Forsyth of Prestwick visited Colonsay for four days over the New Year period during which time he paid a visit to the graveyard at Kilchattan.

Observing the graves of the sailors lost during the war prompted him to write, as he describes it, "a wee poem". A wee poem it may be, but it is made all the more powerful by its simplicity. John has very kindly forwarded the poem so that it may be shared with Corncrake Readers :


The War Graves Of Colonsay

While walking through your sacred ground
The wind and sea was the only sound
I stopped beside two rows of graves
Of sailors, whose lives could not be saved.

Those brave young men drowned in the sea
For a cause now forgotten by you and me
And when at last their war was o'er
Were cast upon your island shore.

Now here they lie so far away from home
Beside the sea where once they did roam
No loved ones beside them, just them all alone
The only reminder being a name on a stone.

John Forsyth
09/01/06

Our grateful thanks go to John.

NOW WHERE COULD THAT BE?

It seems an age since we first printed the photograph which is our current focus for location-spotting, and indeed a swift check reveals that it first appeared in our Issue of 1st December. With no Reader correctly identifying the spot, the photograph was then held over, and in case you cannot remember the snap in question, here it is again :

One Reader to try his luck was Chris Wilson, who also suggested that this photograph may indeed have been the inspiration for Kevin Keegan's famous hairstyle...

Moving swiftly on, the identity of the two people pictured was not a problem (Kate and Pedie MacNeill not having changed THAT much), but the precise location did cause Readers some problems. And then the floodgates opened; Angela was first, swiftly followed by the Wise family of deepest Englandshire and then just about everyone correctly identified the location as Loch Breac, not that far from Kate and Pedie's home at that time.

And so, we move onward to another location to be identified. This time, we are indebted to Alastair Morton (who also provided the 'My Colonsay Photograph' for this Issue) who has set the following little poser for his fellow Readers :

So, just where on Colonsay or Oransay would you see the above?

Entries as usual to : editorcorncrake@yahoo.co.uk ; by telephone : 01951 200336 ; or by post to : The Editorial Suite, The Corncrake, Corncrake Towers, Scalasaig, Isle of Colonsay, Argyll, PA61 7YW, Scotland. Entrants are encouraged to obtain all their essentials, including disposable razors, from Colonsay Stores.

LOOK BACK IN ALBUM

Now that we are firmly on the treadmill that the reading of an issue of The Corncrake has become of late, we inexorably arrive at our regular opportunity to look at a snapshot taken at some past time, and thence to identify those captured at that time by the camera's unforgiving lens.

Our 'Look Back' photograph from Issue 129 came to us courtesy of Netta who was also able to tell us that the photograph was taken during a school trip to Oban, somewhere around the year 1987 :

Given the recent vintage of the photograph, or perhaps because most of those pictured were to be found on the island over the festive period, their identities proved to be of little difficulty to veterans of this column. For those of you perhaps still wondering about one or two faces however, relief is at hand.

Left to right, we find : Ross Griffiths; Neil Titterton; Glen Campbell; Fiona (Grant) Hannah; Maghnus Byrne; Iain MacAllister and, last but by no means least, David Smith.

And so, having made short work of those 'weel kent' faces, here are three more 'weel kent' faces, but this time of a slightly older vintage :

So, just who are these three worthies sheltering in the lee of a dyke, just what are they up to and, for a bonus point, what was the name of the dog? Enjoy!

SNIPPETS

Well the Christmas season is past, but that unsung hero of the Colonsay Christmas, Keith Rutherford, has, as we write, just returned from a well-earned break. The emphasis here is on the term "well-earned", for statistics just released to The Corncrake reveal that Keith has just had his busiest Christmas on record.

It transpires that the number of items of mail received for Colonsay delivery during the four weeks ending 30th December was 7,552. This is the highest since records began in 1993, and is 7.7% higher than last year's total of 7,015. The average over the last 13 years is 6580, making Christmas past some 15% higher than the average and emphasising the increased workload that Keith has borne at Christmas in a relatively short period.

So we do hope that Keith enjoyed his wee break, and that he came back to a Post Office working like a well-oiled machine; certainly we know that Keith's minions give it their all in his absence...

We hear, on good authority, that local Painter and Decorator Donald MacAllister has stumbled upon an innovative method of ensuring that his tins of paint receive that all-important good stirring before application.

Unfortunately, initial trials have revealed an unsuspected side effect in that the operator of the 'stirrer' has a simultaneous tendency to fall asleep. Fear not however, for the enterprising Donald has assured us that clinical trials continue and that one day he hopes to lose the undesired side-effects while retaining the quality of the stir. If all else fails however, he tells us that he intends to 'ditch' the entire process...

Regular reader Roger Butler has been in touch to see if the Corncrake can solve a puzzle that he recently came upon on a visit to Aberdeen. Roger advises that he was was at a reception in the historic timber-panelled council chamber in the Aberdeen Town House and was dumbfounded to find the Strathcona and Mount Royal crest mounted on the ceiling. He wonders if The Corncrake can get to the bottom of this little mystery and explain how and/or why this came to be.

Given The Corncrake's spectacular failure to solve the 'Colonsay House' in Liverpool puzzle and similarly failed to find out why the 'Kiloran Bar' in Glasgow is so called, we can but admire Roger's optimism in this matter. Perhaps some Reader can help?

Your Editor has recently been in touch with artist Julian Meredith, creator of the spectacular stone whale above Port Sgibinis (see Issue 126), with a view to a future article on same.

During this correspondence, we became aware that the whale was not Julian's only artistic endeavour during his time on Colonsay. For Julian also demonstrated just what can be achieved with a rake on Kiloran Bay :

Whilst these rake drawings were by nature rather temporary (the small matter of a twice-daily incoming tide ensuring otherwise...), Julian advises that they "combine ideas about scale with ideas about larger works in snow, ice and sand that may be visible from satellites."

For further words on Julian's artistic exploits on Colonsay, just make sure that you keep on tuning in to these pages...

NEW COLONSAY VEHICLES - PART 3.

This increasingly prevalent occasional column was designed to help avoid those awkward social faux-pas on the part of visitors as they pull in to a passing-place to have a bit craic with the driver of the on-coming vehicle, only to discover that the vehicle in question has a new owner since their last visit to the island.

In Part 3 however, rather than reveal a new Colonsay vehicle or the new owner of an existing Colonsay vehicle, we thought it might be fun to show visitors just what vehicles they are NOT going to meet on their next visit. And so, camera in hand, it was off to that 'car-heaven-in-the-sky', otherwise known as Bonaveh :

Ah, the memories, the memories! So how many cars do YOU recognise? Pleased to see at least that Donald's 'stirring' machine is not there yet, so experiments must still be continuing...

CAPTION COMPETITION

Our last caption photograph came from that man with the unique record of having won the competition each time that he has entered it, namely Iain MacAllister. And before we start to hear cries of "foul", we should perhaps point out that Iain has only entered the competition on two occasions. And, we suspect, he will now be very anxious about entering a third time and in so doing risk losing his impeccable record...

Anyway, the photograph that Iain submitted showed the figure of a man, prostrate on the ground (perhaps Iain himself?), and elicited this winning entry from another man hailing from Glassard way, namely Frank Nicholson :

So, well done Frank, but I wouldn't think of rushing home anytime soon... That said, we think that the lady in question will undoubtedly have her riposte ready, whenever you do indeed return to these shores. Revenge, as Pierre Ambroise Francois Choderios de LaClos said (isn't Google a wonderful thing?), is a dish best served cold...

Unfortunately, The Corncrake has been unable to make contact with Frank to tell him of his success, and therefore, we have not, at time of going to press, been able to secure from Frank a photograph for this Issue's competition. Fear not however. For a number of enterprising local residents have very kindly, and with no malice aforethought whatsoever, suggested that the following photograph of one of the island's residents would yield an interesting caption or three. So here it is. Do your worst. Please.

Entries as usual to : editorcorncrake@yahoo.co.uk ; by telephone : 01951 200336 ; or by post to : A.N.Other, The Corncrake Caption Competition (Issue 131), c/o The Editorial Suite, The Corncrake, Corncrake Towers, Scalasaig, Isle of Colonsay, Argyll, PA61 7YW, Scotland. Calls may be monitored for quality control purposes.

WHAT'S ON IN COLONSAY

Please note that there is also a Notice Board on the Homepage; anyone wishing to publicise any event or attraction is invited to send details to the Editor.

TOPICAL LETTERS

Instructions are supplied, but two hints may help:
1. When using phrases, enclose them in quotation marks. For example, [lifting stone] will get you every instance of [lifting] or [stone] but ["lifting stone"] will get you what you want.
2. When you see the results, they may seem unlikely. This is because many documents (e.g. each issue of The Corncrake) are in reality just one single "page", covering many unrelated topics. No problem! Open the page, then go to the "Find (on this page)" option at the top of your screen, on a drop-down menu presented by the second button from the left. Type in the word you seek and hey-presto, it is highlighted for you. Note that you must give the page time to load (an issue of The Corncrake takes up to a minute), also that there may be more than one example on the page, so use the "Find (on this page)" function again to check that you have not missed anything.

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