Berlin, Wisconsin, USA (population 5,304)
Earth D
(commonly known as the "DC Universe")
6:01 AM, a Monday

Dawn has not yet come to the sleepy Wisconsin town of Berlin, but like every week day morning at 6 AM, Myron's Pharmacy is open for business. The lights come on, the day's papers put in the racks, the pill sorters turned on, the cash drawer put in. A typical day in a typical place...

With a fiery yellow blast, the front windows of Myron's Pharmacy crash in, the whole front of the store decimated by shock waves and force, a fiery blast ripping its way then, past the cash registers and blowing another hole out of the back of the store, leaving Myron's not so much a box-shaped box as like one of those little Chinese finger toys ... what were those called? Finger Cuffs?

Small fires start, and then are put out by residual waves of wind and force from the disastrous attack's source ...

THE LANCE OF THE ABYSS! ...yes, that's right, seeker, the LANCE of the ABYSS! You've heard the rumors, you've read the shabby paperback fantasies of deranged 4th Reich masterminds using its otherworldly nastiness to wreak havoc and disaster the world over, bringing a new Age to the WORLD! That's right, the Lance of the Abyss is That Old Nazi Doomsday Weapon That Might Actually Work. (often abbreviated as TONDWTMAW for half a second, and then people realize that's too long... then they just call it the "Lance of the Abyss")...

The Lance smoked, it purred, it glowed with its power as swirling eddies of hate whirled about its tip, whisking and skating about its hilt, going up, up, to that point where it MELDS with the flesh of the upper arm of its bearer...

DER BLITZKRIEGER!

Yes, that's right. Der Blitzkrieger, the notoriously ambiguous WWII Warrior of the Third Reich. You've heard the stories about him too, how he served Der Fuhrer as the Reich's foremost spearhead of Nazi destruction on American soil... almost, if not for the times that he was foiled by that... American... that... NIGHT-MOPE.

Defeat burned the heart of Der Blitzkrieger strongly, a hate that burns the stomach and clenches the breath. Der Blitzkrieger is a noble maniac, somewhere beneath the hate and diatribe, and that made his defeats at the hands of this "Night-Mope" all the much worse. He might have been able to handle it with a little more dignity if he had been defeated, by oh say, Green Lantern, or Dr. Fate or the Flash, but NIGHT-MOPE? He didn't even get recognized by comic-book companies enough to get published in their comics?! To be defeated by this American Schweinhund, that hurt.

...and then WWII was over, and Der Blitzkrieger was never seen again...

Der Blitzkrieger spent that time in a bunker deep beneath German soil, trapped in a state of semi-suspended suspension. Der Blitzkrieger did age, but slowly, and as slowly as his bodied aged, his mind spent that time even slower, going insane with memories of TWO things: the Death of the Night-Mope, and the defeat of the world at the hands of the German Reich. But Der Blitzkrieger as he was, as he was in WW II was just a man. Oh sure, he was the result of a genetic cocktail made up of Hitler's favorite blonde-and-blue-eyed SS poolboys, the epitome of German genetics, equipped with a spear and sword of the finest German steel, but still, just a man.

Oh wait, he did have a hypnotic stare, not unlike a snake about to swallow a rat, but still a man...

Oh, and although he was still just a man, his exquisite taste in black leather and red and white Swastika patterns should not be understated... only a man, yes, but impeccable fascist taste.

Then one day, a Lord from another world, maybe a 4th one? came to that deep dank trap in which Der Blitzkrieger lay... He freed Der Blitzkrieger, and helped him descend further into the bunker, where there lay the Lance of the Abyss. At that point Darkseid vanished, and Der Blitzkrieger began his plans for revenge and world dictatorship...

THAT year was 1979. It's been 18 years since, and has led to this moment. 18 years to gain resources and plot and scheme and to then lash out at the Night-Mope, and squash him like...

... a box of JuJu Fruits squishes under Der Blitzkrieger's leathery polished boot.

"YAH, YOU DERE, YAH, YOU! SHOW ME this MYRON! Where LIES his shattered SKULL?"

A second passes, and then the scared clerk pops out meekly from behind the pharmacist's desk. "Myron? Uh.... OH MY GOD! You're here for Myron? There's no Myron here!" Spotting Der Blitzkrieger's gaze, the clerk straightens up into an eerie puppet-form of his normal self.

Der Blitzkrieger: "Now dere mein puppet dere, you vill tell me again vhat you know..."

Hypnotized Clerk: Yes, mein lord... Myron O'Peigh sold this store last month... the new owner has not yet come to take over... I am just a temp..."

Der Blitzkrieger stopped, considered. "Gunter! Friedrich! Schweinfraulein!" With this, three very tall Germanic figures, draped in the typical black leather accouterments of that fascist breed appeared, stepping in over the ruins of Myron O'Peigh's old drug store, looking not unlike the bad guys from Superman II, except Schweinfraulein is the real big big one except female (barely), and the other two are twins, both dead-ringers for Rutger Hauer.

Der Blitzkrieger: Ve vill interrogate dere peoples of thiss town. Ve VILL find this MYRON O'PEIGH!

Der Blitzkrieger raised the Lance of the Abyss to his eye, taking in its swirling majesty of doom, "AND THEN, THIS WORLD WILL BE MINE!"

Later the next day...

Washington DC, K Street.

Myron O'Peigh, the former Night-Mope, walked down the street one more time. He knew it was around here, SOMEWHERE...

In his hand, he carried that most valued possession of any superhero... the Bag of Immense Capacity, in which he kept the seeds of the stock of his new store...

So, Myron O'Peigh has decided that he is going to surprise his niece Mickey (better known as Captain Pantheon) and come to J Street to set up his super-hero supply and training shop, Hero Heaven (where exactly do you think superheroes get new costumes and gear from? :), with the hope that Mickey might eventually move in with him so she can be back under the protection of family eyes.

Myron: "There it is..." and Myron then made his way down that certain side-street of K Street that may lead some people to J Street if the time is right, if the footing is right, and, oh yeah, if they go in the direction of the "J STREET THIS WAY -->" sign.

Myron passed through the first of the footings that would lead him to J Street, the shading of the street changing subtly... he stopped a second, almost looked behind him and then continued.

A lovely flower shop caught Myron's eye. At that second, he stopped, and then bent over to smell the flower as...

SHHHERRRRACKKK!

A blast from the Lance of the Abyss tore down J Street, narrowly missing several of its residents.

Der Blitzkrieger, with Gunter, Friedrich, and Schweinfraulein in tow, stood mightily on the far end of J Street, the lance boiling with energy, now fully aimed at the former Golden Age hero. His three accomplices each welded powerful looking medieval weapons as well (Gunter: a Morning-Star, Friedrich: a big Trident, Schweinfraulein: a big-a$$ 7-foot sledge hammer, wielded on her shoulder like so a toy shovel)

Night-Mope, already in his costume (he has one of those little costume-rings like Barry Flash did) stood fearlessly by Olga's stand, looking for all the world like the year was WWII and all was fresh in his life. And there, down the street, was his one greatest foe...

Der Blitzkrieger: Yah dere! You KNOW me yah NO? I AM DER BLITZKRIEGER, and now is your TIME TO DIE, OLD MAN!

Two crowds of forms gathered quickly, coming from the skies and shadows, one group each on each side of Der Blitzkrieger. On one side (just behind Night-Mope) appeared Captain Pantheon, redRicky, TSDragon, Wet Willie, Buried Alien, and Impulse. On the OTHER end of J Street, just behind Der Blitzkrieger there appeared:

A minty-blue figure, swathed in electricity... SUPERMAN.

The Dark Knight, BATMAN.

The Princess of Power, WONDER WOMAN.

... and Green Lantern, Flash, Aztek, Green Arrow, Aquaman, and J'onn J'onzz.

Two great forces of good.

Four powerful villains.

One multi-dimensional street of mystery...

and

One mastermind behind it all...

This is a time...

This chapter written by Mope! (schmitz@gate.net)

Meanwhile, elsewhere on J Street,

in a little joint called

Grendel's Pond
Bar and Grill

The wagon rolled up outside the bar, and the man dressed in a fringed leather jacket, a large hat, boots, jeans and chaps, leapt to the ground, beating the dust from his clothes.

He walked into the bar, swaggering some.

Concrete Blonde's "Ghost of a Texas Ladies' Man" was playing on the jukebox.

"Hank! Go unload the cart!"

The Mighty Hank stared.

"Joe? You look ... normal. What happened to your burns?"

Grendel tipped his hat back on his head with his thumb.

"Spent two months on Earth G, vacationing in the 22nd century. They have great hospitals. And it only took two days worth of J Street time."

The Human Lava Lamp set down a pitcher of beer and a plate of jerk wings at a corner booth.

"OzBat's just having the new employee sign the papers, Mr. Grendel."

"Don't call me that; you're old enough to be my dad. You help Hank out, too."

Merlin and Cowman, sitting at the bar, playing NTN trivia - "Bloody goog! How am I supposed to know anything about the Hardy Boys?" - turned toward Grendel.

"Thanks for hiring Daisy," Merlin said, smiling. "I really appreciate you giving her a chance to start fresh."

"Yeah, no sweat." Grendel, taking off his hat, looked over his shoulder. "Look about our deal ..."

TMH! and HLL staggered in, carrying dressed carcasses in their arms.

"MooooOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOO?!"

"What the goog is this? We had a deal! You weren't to be serving beef in here!"

Grendel held up his hands, stepping between the Minutemen and his employees.

"It's not EXACTLY beef. And the meat was just going to waste."

"MooooOOoOO?"

Grendel looked at Cowman.

"Uh ... I picked this up in the United States, around 1870. The buffalo skinners out west were just leaving carcasses all over the plains, as far as the eye could, see, just taking the skins."

Merlin, holding his stomach, dropped to a stool.

"This is why I'm a vegetarian."

"MooOOOoo."

"Hey, the buffalo were already dead, and I just rode in as soon as the skinners were done with them. They're still fresh, they're REALLY free-range and they have lower fat content. So, everyone's happy."

Merlin, his forehead in his hands, watched as TMH! and HLL carried the buffalo back to the back room and the walk-in freezer there.

"I bet Daisy won't be ..."

Grendel held his hat in his hands, frowning.

"Oh, yeah ... Daisy ..."

~What about me?~ said a feminine voice in Grendel's head.

Daisy, the psychic telekinetic cow, trotted into the bar, with OzBat floating beside her holding a handful of papers and a pen. Cowman got up off his stool and walked over to daisy, entering into a conversation that was lost on the rest of the occupants in the bar. Grendel leant closer to Merlin.

"Quick, cast a spell or something to hide the buffalo." he whispered.

"I don't want any part in this." said Merlin, his head still in his hands.

"Look Sparky, I'm doing Cowman a favor by hiring her in the first place."

Merlin sighed. Cowman had met Daisy on Earth Moo during their Scatterday experience *, and it soon became obvious that the two had feelings for each other. Two days ago they had received word from Earth Moo of political unrest, and a letter from Daisy asking to take Cowman up on his offer of visiting J Street. She'd also asked for somewhere to work, to provide a little cover in case anyone from Earth Moo came looking for her.

"All right then." said Merlin, waving his hand in the air and muttering a few words. "I've made them temporarily invusible, but I wouldn't like to be you when she finds out."

"Don't worry," replied Grendel, taking the papers from OzBat. "She's under contract now- hey! You haven't signed this!"

~We're going to have to negotiate this contract, I'm not happy about some of the small print~ sent Daisy as she trotted up to the bar.

"Small Print?" said Grendel, feigning confusion, "What small print?"

~Well, the clause hidden in a micro-dot on the 'i' of 'sign here', needs to be removed for starters.~

"How did you - ahem - I have no idea what you're talking about. It must be a"

~Printing Error? Yes, that's what I thought. I suppose you'll have to draw up another.~ finished Daisy, as she levitated a dish clothes into the air and started to wipe down the bar's surface.

"Now hold on just one minute Sparky, If you think you can come into my bar and start ordering me about like some-"

Grendel never finished his sentence, as he was cut off by an explosion from the street, that shattered the bar windows and sent shards of glass flying into the room. When he opened his eyes, he saw that all the glass had stopped in mid air and was hanging a few inches in front of him. While Merlin and Cowman ran out onto the street to see what was going on, he turned back towards Daisy.

~Good job you hired me, 'boss'. That glass could have hurt.~

Grendel picked up his sword from beneath the bar. Without saying anything, he walked out onto the street. He was in a bad mood and someone had just blown up his window. (Again). Someone was going to pay.

*see The Unlikely Adventures of Merlin & Cowman Issue #2 for the full story

"What are you doing with these guys?" yelled redRicky.

"What are we? How about you?" yelled GL.

Well, that was enough to start some problems between the two groups. And even though J'onn was a member of both teams, it didn't matter.

Then, the two groups threw themselves at Der Blitzkrieger, Gunter, Friedrich, and Schweinfraulein. The first battle had begun.

GL fired a plasma blast at Der Blitzkrieger, but it just bounced right off.

Jason came out of Grendel's, and tried to encase the villains in an orb.

"I thought I was the only Lantern!" yelled Kyle.

"Nope."

The three super-speedsters in the battle (The Flash, Buried Alien, and Impulse) synchronized their motions and caused Friedrich to fall over.

"Yes! That's the way, Gramps!" said Impulse.

"Ach! You think you can stop our rise! I can turn your own powers against you, using my trident." said Friedrich.

With that, he turned their energies against the two groups, knocking them over.

"Hah, I still have my old power!"

"Come, my team." said Der Blitzkrieger. They were all soon teleported out, by some mysterious force.

"Huh." said Batman.

The two groups stood there, with smoke in the air, wondering what just happened.

Captain Pantheon extended a hand to the JLA.

"Welcome to J Street."

"So, explain again how this place exists, Jason." said GL.

"When the guy who designed Washington DC designed it, he supposedly left out J Street, but L'Enfant was actually a transdimensional wizard who made J Street a Access point for all the multiverse." said Jason.

"Right." said GL.

By now the JLA was in Grendel's and was explaining that they were going to stay on J Street, at least for awhile.

"Uh, just a suggestion, guys. Don't go into ICBS or Minuteman. You might get quite a shock." said Grendel.

"Indeed. For thou art heroes throughout the Mul-" and Hank!'s mouth was cupped by Buried.

"They don't know about the Crisis and the multiverse." said Buried.

"Aye." said Hank.

"So, what do we do now?" said Green Arrow.

"J'onn, you said you've been here before?" said Batman.

"Yes, I stay here quite often." said J'onn.

"Hey, I got a back room, if you want to stay there." said Empath.

"Great!" and the JLA (except J'onn) was brought to Empath's coffee house.

"Pitiful fools," said a figure in the dark. "They think that they can stop us from taking J Street."

Captain Pantheon extended a hand to the JLA.

"Welcome to J Street."

Grendel wandered out onto the street, sword in hand.

"What the GOOG is going on out here?"

The Flash and Superman looked at each other.

"Is that who I think it is?" Wally asked, cracking his knuckles.

"Yes, it is," the Man of formerly-Steel-but-now-sort-of-bluish-not-really-Energy-except-maybe-in-the-loosest-sense. "I think two-on-one will fix him."

Grendel's eyes widened in the half-second it took for the Flash and Superman-Blue to race down to him.

"Hey! Wait an - ACK!"

"This was a trick!" Impulse shrieked, his hands crackling with electricity. "GET THEM!"

"Grandson?" Buried Alien said, hesitating.

Then the bolt exploded above Wonder Woman, who responded by lashing out with her lasso like a whip, catching Impulse around the throat, yanking him to the ground. Buried Alien frowned, and raced toward her.

Wonder Woman swung Impulse over her head, then jerked the lasso once, sending him flying at the elder speedster, knocking them both unconscious.

"Uh, Batman?" redRicky looked at the Dark Knight with a sheepish look. "You're gonna figure this is a mind-control or Crime Syndicate typed of situation, aren't you?"

redRicky was, insofar as Batman considered anyone as such, a friend.

Batman knocked redRicky out with one punch.

"Yes." Still, better safe than sorry.

Wet Willie jumped Aquaman, snarling as best he could. He really had wanted to compare notes.

"Hey, nice hook! I used to have a - OUCH!"

Night-Mope dodged frantically as Green Arrow peppered the area with arrows.

"This ... is ... all ... a ... misunderstanding!"

Green Lantern looked around at the carnage, glanced over at Captain Pantheon, and dropped a giant green safe on her ... his ... whatever ... head.

The Scarlet Dragon and Aztek stared at one another.

"I really don't want to fight," TSD said after a moment.

"Good thought," Aztek replied, looking at the carnage, especially at a frantic Grendel, being slapped-around none-too-gently by Superman and Flash, yelling "FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT NEMESIS! I JUST LOOK LIKE HIM! THE MULTIVERSE, HELLO?"

J'onn leaned his head against the wall, sighing.

*WOULD YOU ALL HOLD ON A MOMENT?*

The Pantheon (well, the conscious ones) and JLA all held their foreheads in pain.

"God, J'onn," Kyle gasped. "You don't have to yell ..."

"Since we have had the obligatory heroes vs. heroes thing..." J'onn began saying. Captain Pantheon was nursing a bump in the head. Green Lantern (Kyle) was feeling a bit ashamed. "crud! Seems that no matter how much time I spend with the League, I always screw up by punching a good guy." "We can now proceed with the business at hand."

"Morons!" Grendel murmured under his breath. "Like I'm Nemesis ... I'll get you, you idiots! I'll ask TT to make Ron Marz and Rob Liefeld your creative team!"

Superman looked at Grendel, warily.

"What I'd give for ten seconds of super-hearing."

Grendel considered giving him a one-fingered salute, but thought about it better. Instead, he questioned Night Mope.

"Well, spill your beans pronto! What's the deal between you and the four stooges? And what are you doing in J Street?"

"I came here to open a super-hero supply store. Where do you think costumed heroes get their gear, huh? The Shopping Network?"

"OK, we get the idea. So?"

"Then, Der Blitzkrieger tried to whack me out of existence with Gunter, Friedrich, and Schweinfraulein.."

"Who?"

"Man, this is going to be harder than I thought. It all began almost 50 years ago..."

A lone, beaten up figure walks toward the bar. His memory is hazy and his steps uncertain.

"I feel...something...someone...calling me..."

"Now what in Sam Hill is going on here?" Night Mope stopped in mid-sentence as everybody looked at the stranger standing at the door.

As Wonder Woman readied her lasso to tie the intruder, Impulse spoke.

"Hold it! He's police chief MacTyson. He's on our side."

"I've just seen your handiwork," MacTyson said. "There are a lot of damaged buildings, not to mention scared civilians. Every time you heroes meet, something gets destroyed. You fight each other before anyone can say a word!"

The Flash and Superman bowed, sheepishly.

We're sorry, officer. But we were misled..." said Flash.

"You see, your friend here looks just like and old foe of us."

"And now, the golden Age hero Night Mope was telling us about Der Blitzkrieger and his goons!"

"Yes. They have come to J Street to kill me. Der Blitzkrieger (Blitzy, for short) has some Old Nazi Doomsday Weapon Than May Actually Work."

"Isn't it called The Lance of the Abyss now?" asked Wet Willie.

"Old habits die hard."

"No one comes to my turf and tries to kill Golden Age legends. I'll look into this personally."

"You? Of all people." Grendel interjected sarcastically. "Come on, what are you going to do against him?

"Use your paltry Magnum .44? That will punch his clock for sure! Man, we could have used you against Moira! One look at you and the Moebius Effect would have stopped instantly."

MacTyson glared at Grendel.

"I don't like your tone, mister."

J'onn placed himself between Grendel and MacTyson.

"Calm down...there's no need for this."

"Yes. You sound just like tkm and mt," added The Scarlet Dragon.

Grendel and MacTyson powered down the hate in their stares.

"I'm the duly deputized officer of the law here. I was with Merlin and Cowman dealing with the Scrumpet invasion while I missed the softball game."

"By the way who won?" asked OzBat to Buried Alien.

"The..."

"Besides, I am not useless," MacTyson said, as he undid his coat button and took an artifact that hanged from his belt. He flickered it on. A beam of green light, seeming like a blade extruded to full length, three feet long, and began to hum with power. It gave off a green gleam.

"And my gun is not my only weapon."

"It's a lightsaber! Boy, will George Lucas's lawyers will have a field day with this!" commented Jason Borelli.

"I've been meaning to pierce that secret from C'baoth, the dark Jedi Master, for ages! How did you manage to make a lightsaber?" asked Grendel.

"I just sent a coupon I found in the pages of the Tribune from Skywalker's Mail To Order Jedi Academy and received the kit C.O.D."

"Damn! OzBat! Get me that issue!"

MacTyson smiled.

"Too late. That story was retconned a couple of weeks ago."

"We need to deal with the threat of Der Blitzkrieger and his goons. You know that he's as powerful as Despero, Capt. Nazi, Baron Blitzkrieg and Überman rolled into one," Night-Mope said.

"I suggest that we split into teams to hunt them down," Green Lantern (Kyle) said.

"Aztek, Flash and I can cover the west side," said Jason.

"And Buried, Batman, Wonder Woman and I can take care of the south side," said Impulse. "We'll be Team Alpha!"

Under his cowl, Batman rolled up his eyes.

"I'll go to kevrhon's tower and see what we'll setup a surveillance post there," said Amazon. "Willie, MacTyson and J'onn can help me."

"And the rest of us will take the streets. We'll stay in touch with the Lantern's ring-made communicators," said Superman.

"Good. Let's go," said Grendel, glad that those yahoos got out of his bar.

The stranger entered the bar as the heroes left. He surveyed the place carefully. There was nobody around. OzBat had gone to the back room to get some more beer.

The stranger walked toward the far side of the bar.

"I sense that whatever is calling me gets closer every second." He took a couple steps more. "It's close...closer..." he looked up. He felt a coldness grip his heart and stomach. "There it is!" he said as he looked at a full sized armor inside a glass-like trophy case. "My armor!"

He tried to open the door of the trophy case, but he couldn't find the lock nor the knob.

"What is my armor doing here?" He took a chair from a nearby table and smashed it against the "glass." To his surprise, it held. "What manner of trickery is this? I need my armor!"

OzBat bamfed inside the bar.

"What are you trying to do?"

"I ..." the man was confused to see a pint-sized man dressed with a Batman suit with an Oz-tray-lian map printed on the chest. "There's something that belongs to me inside this case."

"Anything that's inside Grendel's Bar belongs to my boss, Joe Grendel."

The stranger looked sideways at the armor.

"Not everything."

He then began to remember something about him. Something he could do before he was sent to fight a demon on a barren planet. A complicated thought began to manifest inside his head..

"Delmon...tronae...pneima..." He said. OzBat flinched "Are you making fun of me?"

The stranger paid no attention as he continued "Delmon...tronae...pneima..." he pointed his closed fists at the case "scapeo relampage tronare!"

OzBat bamfed away as two lightning bolts were shot from the stranger's fist and shattered the trophy case.

Then, as if on cue, the pearly white armor that was displayed inside the trophy case broke itself from it's human-like position and the pieces flew to the body of the stranger. And with a blinding light, they assemble themselves on his body.

OzBat peeked from behind the bar as the light dimmed.

"Holy goog! The boss's gonna be p.o.ed."

"Finally!" the stranger opened and closed his hands as he took a few tentative steps. "I have recovered my armor."

OzBat approached.

"J'oss?"

The man in the armor looked at him, puzzled.

"..."

"J'oss, is that you? What happened ? You died before my very eyes!"

"I don't understand you. I have not died. I was cursed. I had to fight the demon Sullup for all eternity.

"So you're not J'oss? Your name is not J'oss K'yroson?"

"No. I have never heard that name before."

Ozbat remembered the time when he and Grendel had taken a peek inside the White Knight's life. (See Knightsbirth #1 and #2.)

"So, you're La'kk? The one that fought the demon S'ullp?"

"Yes I am "

"Then you're the original White Knight."

Planet Clarrd.
Former site of Anduin Keep.
N'har's throne room.

N'har was upset. He paced up and down his chambers as he felt a disturbance within the mystical planes. Suddenly, he felt as if he had been physically hit.

"What is going on? I feel that the curse I placed on the Clarrdian armor was been broken!"

Moira entered N'har's chambers.

"Moira, what is this? Who has the power to nullify my sorcery?" She only stared at him without saying a word.

"The new armor wielder is not K'yroson."

"Then who is it?"

"Someone from the past." N'har waited to see if Moira would comment anything else, but she kept silent. Then, he asked a question that gnawed his insides.

"Do I still have my place in the Council?"

Moira smiled. "Yes. You earned your place in my council. This new knight is another player entirely."

"We have to get beads on him so we can act properly when the time comes."

"He's a contingency, nothing more." Moira looked annoyed. "When the time comes we will deal with him in a more permanent way."

"Yes. We will do it as you say."

Red sat in the bar, minding her own business, when this incredible phenomenon took place. All the other patrons of the bar didn't seem to notice.

"Hey, you're White Knight, my old friend that I traded quips with!" she said upon recognizing the man in the armor.

"Yes I am, Miss Monster," replied White Knight.

"Say, Red, since you seem to know our esteemed guest so well, why don't you come with us to help Grendel and the rest of Pantheon and the JLA?" asked OzBat! with a devious expression.

"Hey, man, I'm through with battles for the time being! Every time I get involved it seems I disappear right away and anything I do doesn't accomplish anything and sometimes it's even counterproductive! I'm retiring from skirmishes with Pantheon enemies." Red said firmly.

"No, really, Red, I think you could do well here." White Knight reassured her.

"Yeah, Red, let's go for a ride..." began OzBat!

"Hey, little man, don't mess with me! You may be able to bamf, but I don't think you could carry anything heavier than you with you, and I would apply in that category. No shrimp in a Batman costume can tell me where to go! I was just reading the paper when I saw my old friend pop up." Red insisted.

"No, really, Red, it'll be a great experience. You should come along." said White Knight, leading her out of the bar by the wrist.

"Oh, all right. The things I do. At least nothing I do ever has catastrophic consequences."

"Do you always mumble such complex self-effacing sentences, Red?" asked OzBat!

"Hey, Batmite, I'm bigger than you, don't make me do something you'll regret!"

"Do you see anything, Willie?" asked Grendel.

"Not a thing, Joe," answered Wet Willie.

"J'onn?"

"Sorry, nothing."

"MacTyson?"

"Actually, I see your little friend OzBat!, a man in white armor, and a girl looking like she'd rather be somewhere else," answered Michael MacTyson.

"Ah, yes, you don't know her, but that's Red Monster. She lives with her family on Greenhill Road, about a block up from my bar. But I'm surprised she came alone." said Grendel.

"Red's here without the Troupe? Not even Fluffy? Weird. Hey, maybe this time she'll actually be able to get something accomplished." said Willie.

"Grendel! They're going inside!" exclaimed J'onn.

"Oh, I think it's okay. Unless that man in the white armor has mind-controlling powers, they're on our side." said Grendel, seeing OzBat!, White Knight, and Red Monster disappear into the base of the tower.

"Grendel! This here is the original White Knight! Oh yeah, and we brought Red with us too." said OzBat! to Joe Grendel when they got to the top.

"Batmite, how many time have I told you not to let anyone into the trophy case!"

"Man, you're not very trusting, are you, man?" asked White Knight.

"Oh, he's just protective of his bar." Red Monster said.

"Well, quit bantering and try helping our friends down there!" Willie spoke up.

"Where are they?" asked White Knight.

"Ha ha! Last one to the battlefield is a rotten egg!" said OzBat!, bamfing away without his tow travel companions.

"I have a rough idea. Come on, White Knight, I'll show you the way." Red said, leading him back down the tower steps.

"Yeah, follow her, she tends to be a real weirdo-magnet, she'll find them." Willie yelled down after them.

"I have a better idea. Let's go to my planet instead! You'll love it there, Red, it's even got cactuses shaped like rabbits!" said White Knight, leading her towards a portal that suddenly opened up.

"OKay, I've gone on every other path that's always gotten me nowhere, why not travel off to some other planet? Geez, I've never even been outside the US before, except to one really bad trip to the North Pole."

"Oh my God! It's you again! What business have you here!" shouted Moira, seeing White Knight (and Red) burst into the room through the portal.

"I have returned to take my place on the council!" shouted White Knight at her.

"How did you get in here?" asked N'har angrily.

"I went through the portal. Only I didn't open it up. Red, did you open up that portal?" asked White Knight, rather confused. He had known where the portal was going to lead to, but he wasn't the one who opened it.

"Sure I did. But don't tell the others, they don't know about it yet! All that stuff about going to another planet was just my Greenhill Troupe-deficient mumblings. I do that when they're not with me to give me a hard time, so I give myself a hard time instead."

"Just who are you anyway?" asked Moira.

"I am the original White Knight, and I have broken the spell! Any questions?"

A tall, athletic blonde, whose bobbed hair and shiny blue-black skintight costume and boots (bare legs, natch!) made her look rather like Madonna (but without the turkey neck) stomped into the bar. Behind her followed a petite Asian female clad in blinding yellow; a tall, beautiful black woman with henna-red braids ("Hi, I'm Mari McCabe, and I'm a former model! Thank you!"); an extremely buxom blonde with huge... biceps; and a brunette wearing a top hat and tail coat, white shirt, vest, short-shorts, fishnet stockings and high heels. The brunette's pupils were amazingly dilated, even given the relative darkness of the bar.

The Madonna-clone led the way to the bar, kicked over a stool and planted one heavy boot on the bar rail with a thud.

"All right, ladies! It's time to start kicking butt and taking names!"

The brunette in the top hat sidled up more slowly. "Dinah, you really need to mellow out. Wanna go in the ladies' and fire up a doobie?"

The black woman snorted derisively, doing that neck thing with her hands on her hips. "Girl, you have got to get your sorry self out from under that player Constantine and straighten yourself out! It's like we don't even know you anymore!"

"Me?" Zee responded defensively. "What about Dinah here? One minute she's freaking out like Stallone on steroids, then she's giggling about men's butts with her Internet pals. I don't know her anymore!"

"Yeah, well, you're not wearing a ponytail or a lobster hat anymore, either!" Dinah snapped back. "People change! Some of us grow and move forward! I used to have a desperate need for attention," she continued, arching her back and thrusting her chest out, breasts straining against shiny spandex and muscles tensing in her naked thighs, "...but now I'm past that! These days, a well-placed boot gets me all the attention I need!"

Zee didn't respond. She was staring intently at the Human Lava Lamp.

"Wow..." she muttered. "He's really wild..."

Dinah looked disgusted, but merely bowed her head and began speaking into her breasts (actually, into the bird-shaped transmitter on the zipper at her neck).

"Oracle, are you there?"

"Just a minute," an electronically-distorted voice responded from her earrings. "I was talking to Mark. Did you know he's online now?"

"Yeah, yeah - here's a quarter, post it to somebody who gives a ****! Listen, have you or any of your get-a-life buddies pinpointed the Sexist Society yet?"

"Ask her if she knows where I can find the redRicky," the pneumatically gifted blonde interjected, speaking at last. "I have a lot of things I want to discuss with him!"

"Sorry, Dinah!" the electronic voice continued. "I'd like to help you, but I don't want to jeopardize my relationship with Batman by giving away too much information." The earrings abruptly ceased transmission.

"D*** it!" Dinah swore. "Even after all these years, when he says 'Jump,' she says, 'How high?' When is she gonna get a spine? Ooops... sorry... I wasn't thinking!"

*Welcome, ladies,* said a voice in their heads, as Daisy approached from the kitchen.

"Ohmigod!" Zee was startled out of her contemplation. "This is too freaky! Did anyone else hear that cow talk?"

"(Someone get make her take a nap or something!)" Dinah muttered. "Greetings, bovine sister! Still laboring for the Euro-caucaso-humanocentric patriarchy, I see?"

*For now,* said Daisy. *But I'm working on it... May I get you all anything?*

"Information!" Dinah answered tersely.

"Actually, I'd like a diet soft drink," the chesty blonde piped up.

"Me, too," the Asian woman added timidly.

"No f****** way am I letting either of you near artificial sweeteners!" Dinah ordered. "The last thing we need here is some loud, arrogant b**** throwing her weight around!"

Mari just folded her arms and rolled her eyes theatrically.

"I saw that, McCabe!"

Dinah turned again to Daisy.

"Bovine sister, we're looking for the JLA - well, that's what they're calling themselves - I don't seem to recall the founding members voting on it, but that's what we're going to iron out!"

"And I'm looking for the redRicky," the Anna Nicole Smith type added. "I need to tell him about... my son..."

*You missed them,* Daisy explained. *They all went to kevrhon's tower.*

At the mention of the Pantheon's Lord of Order, Zee began giggling uncontrollably. Dinah glared at her.

"What the h*** is kevrhon's tower and where is it?" she asked Daisy. Daisy responded by telepathically planting directions in their minds. About kevrhon she remained tactfully silent.

"All right, let's move!" Dinah commanded, heading for the door. "Zee, are you with us?"

"Are you kidding? You, Kara, and kevrhon? I wouldn't miss this for the world! Aremacoediv, raeppa!"

Moira, N'har, Red Monster and Moira looked at each other.

White Knight, confused for what was happening, spoke. "Wait a minute. My memory's hazy...I'm getting images from the armor..." Before his very eyes, the armor flashed all sorts of images from the recent past. La'kk saw K'yroson wear the armor for the first time; he saw him defeat N'har; he saw him fighting to keep Clarrd whole and failing. He then saw him crossing space and sharing some adventures with several beings with colorful names...Hank the Hat, The Mighty Hail, Kwilson...then he saw K'yroson arrive to J Street. He saw K'yroson and a man named Grendel trapped in Hell, inside a bubble while another demon spoke. Then, he received a flood of images and voices...Grendel punching K'yroson "Never trust a Grendel" Huge battles with demons and mysterious secret elders. "kingdom come, thy will be done" then some happy gatherings at the bar and the House of Mystery. More battles. Then an election, then a wish, and finally, a coward attack and tragic death at the hands of N'har.

White Knight felt dizzy and disoriented. Red Monster rushed to his side and kept him on his feet.

N'har took a step forward while he created an energy ball with his fists and pointed to White Knight's head. Moira placed her hand on his shoulder and stopped him.

"Patience."

More images flooded his brain. He saw the armor being stolen by a dark force. His stomach felt bitter with rage when he saw the armor being used by a criminal to slay heroes. And he felt relieved when the armor was taken away from that force, which looked strangely similar to the man named Grendel. White Knight breathed deeply.

White Knight, my friend. Are you all right?" asked Red Monster.

"Yes, I'm fine. But why do you call me your friend? I have never seen you before in my life."

"Yes you have. We traded quips a long time ago."

That particular image popped in White Knight's mind. "Oh, yeah. Now I see. Look, There was a man who wore this armor before me....well, after me, but before me...no, that's not right. Look, I wore this armor, then I went away. J'oss, the one you knew, wore this armor. Then, he died. I returned and reclaimed my armor."

"My head hurts. Usually Fluffy is the one that gets all of these retconned references."

N'har was losing his patience.

"Moira, we have to heroes in here. Why are we sitting on our spells?"

"Now is not the time. We will have more time later to deal with them and the whole Pantheon. And they have to deal with other threats too.

"And how come you talked to me as if you recognized me? And you saying that you wanted to take your place in the Council?"

"The armor fed me images and I assumed they were mine. And the Council bit, I guess it was part of Shadow Knight's thoughts. In truth, I was remembering what K'yroson and Shadow Knight knew. I'm sorry. "

"Nah, that's OK. This gave me the chance to get things straight.

"Now, "said Moira, "you will return to J Street and proceed with whatever petty things you were concerned. We shall meet, not in this storyline, mind you., but later. Much, much later." And with a wave of her hand, Red Monster and White Knight returned to J Street.

J Street, outside The Scarlet Dragon's Apartment.

Merlin fumbled with the set of keys that TSR had given him, looking for the right one to fit the front door.

"How many 'ruddy keys has TSR got, anyway?!" he said in annoyance as he tried yet another in the lock.

"MoooOoo Moooooo MoooOoo moOooo." said Cowman, trying to placate him.

"Yeah, yeah, I know it was nice of him to let us stay here on short notice, but I'm still annoyed with Empath for chucking us out in the first place. Just because some famous blokes from Earth D show up needing a place to stay, suddenly we're out on feet-"

"Mooo."

"(-or hooves), with nowhere to live until they finish rebuilding minuteman.... Hey! I got the right one! Need a hand with those cases?"

"MoooOoo moOoo MoOoo."

"O.K, lets have a look at this place"

*CLICK*

"..."

"..."

"I..."

"Moo..."

"..."

"..."

"Well... it's definitely..."

"Mooo ..."

"Very..."

"Moo?"

"Very... er... scarlet?"

To be precise, the entire apartment was completely scarlet. Scarlet wallpaper, scarlet furniture, red light-bulbs. The only things in the room that broke up the color scheme were the occasional black-brown burn marks (although even these seemed to fit in some strange way) and a small white lace object in the corner. After a few moments pause, Merlin and Cowman wandered in, dropping their cases on the floor.

"MoooOo mooOoOo mOooOoooOoo mOoo."

"Smell? What smell?"

"Mooo moOooo MOoo."

"(Sniff.) Hmm... you're right, It smells like chamomile. I think its coming from this lace thing over here." Merlin lifted up the lace to look at the picture underneath. "Is that?"

"Mooo?" said Cowman looking at the picture, "mooo mOoo mOooooO?"

"No... no, it couldn't be." Merlin dropped the lace cover back down. "Lets just pretend we didn't see that."

The pair stood quietly in the room feeling, for some reason, strangely threatened.

"Ya know, I could use a drink round about now." said Merlin eventually.

"Moooo, Moo MooOoo."

"Grendel's then?"

"Moo."

"O.K then lets go and perhaps if we're lucky some of those Nazi's will come back." said Merlin as the pair hurried out of the apartment. "I could really go for a good bit of mindless violence right about now."

"And Buried, Batman, Wonder Woman and I can take care of the south side." Said Impulse. "We'll be Team Alpha!"

Under his cowl, Batman rolled up his eyes.

Buried and Impulse both decided to scout ahead.

"I'll race ya'," said the young speedster. "first one around the planet wins."

" But who will take care of these Leaguers?"

"Relax," said Batman. " We can handle ourselves. Were not exactly new at this you know."

"I know but-"

"C'monIwannarunIbetIcanbeatyoufastestpostaliveornot!" sputtered the pre-teen turbine.

"Oh all right ... Be right back ... "

Wonder Woman turned to Batman. "At least he didn't say 'be back in a flash'"

Batman just rolled his eyes

Suddenly a strangely garbed man approached them.

"Look Batman! Is that a villain?"

"Don't look at ME, I don't want to be here. I'm a loner by nature and ... yadayadayadablahblahblah"

"WhatEVER," muttered Diana, as she stalked off to face the apparent threat.

"Wow, said DC Know It All, "you're Wonder Woman."

"I know that, who are you?"

"This is so cool, I'm talking to THE Wonder Woman!"

"Your point young man? I have a master villain to find and this chapter is getting us no-where."

DC KIA looks down at Wonder Woman's ... Lasso.

"That's the Lasso of Truth."

"Yes, it is." Diana said, a bit annoyed.

"You REALLY tie bad guys up with that?"

Ah, thought Wonder Woman, a fellow hero looking for advice on how to capture a felon without harming him.

"Yes, Yes I do"

"Wow, " said the fanboy. "How much would I have to steal?"

POW!

A few hours later and a great distance away, DC KIA awakes from being hit by the avenging amazon and re-entering orbit.

" I think I'm in LOVE."

He then faints again.

White Knight and Red Monster ended up sitting on the grass in front of a small yellow house.

"Red, do you know this place?" asked White Knight.

"Unfortunately, I do. It's my house, we're on Greenhill Road. Are you OK? Are you still getting your memories back?" asked Red.

"Yes. But at least I remember you. Say, do your multiple personalities live here?"

"Sorry to say they do. Let's move before they come out and start dragging us down! Oh, and BTW, they're called the Greenhill Troupe."

Moira was comforted by the disappearance of the two upstarts. Although, she was somewhat unsettled by thinking about how they got in at all. Could they get in again? Well, at least they were gone for the moment so she could catch her breath. Punks who just teleported in and demanded a place on the council are always a bad omen. But if they hadn't come back already, either they couldn't come back or they were unconscious, or they were dead. Either way, they probably wouldn't be back for at least a few hours. This made her feel better. Of course, she still didn't know how they got in.

"OK, we're back! You can all let your blood pressure climb now!" shouted Red as she and White Knight climbed up with Grendel, MacTyson, Willie, and all the rest who had since joined the crowd at Kevrhon's Tower. Kevrhon must be a pretty decent guy to let all these weird people come up to his tower and do odd things, like right now.

"Join the crowd, guys. Tell you what, since we already have enough folks up here to scout anyone out who might be a threat, or spot our allies, you two can jump on them or do something equally rude if we see a threat. Cool?" suggested Grendel.

"All right. We'll be your frontal assault team. Though I'm not jumping out of any towers in my armor, that would be a bad thing." said White Knight.

"Cool. You can blast the troublemakers from above. I'll jump on them." said Red.

"Oh Red, what did you forget when you left the house?" came a voice from the tower steps.

"Red, tell me that's not Loudmouth I'm hearing!" said Willie.

"Oh God, Fluffy must have helped her sniff me out! I'm doomed! If you think I'm weird, wait till you see what kind of damage Fluffy and Loudmouth can do!

J Street, Abdul Aziz's Antique Emporium:

Der Blitzkrieger sat eyeing his kameraden warily from behind his handful of playing cards. Warily, Gunter, Friedrich, and Liesl, uh, I mean Schweinfraulein, eyed him back.

With a dramatic flourish, DB slapped his cards down on the table.

"HAH!" he cried out in triumph. "Old Maid! Read dem und veep!"

Gunter, Friedrich, and Brigitta, uh, Schweinfraulein grumbled and tossed their cards aside.

"Gum?" asked Gunter, extending a packet of Chewels to his comrades.

"Nein, danke," Friedrich replied, then held out his three-pronged weapon. "Trident?"

"Nein, nein," Gunter answered, then blew a big pink bubble.

Schweinfraulein popped it with a cobra-like jab, then smashed her fist on the table. "Dis vaiting is driving me mad! Ven are ve going to make our move on der Night-Mope?"

"Patience, patience, mein liebchen!" Der Blitzkrieger counseled, in a soothing, yet power-hungry voice. "Dese heroes today are different from dose I vunce knew. Den, dey would spring into action like a vell-oiled machine, striking like blitzen mit impeccable teamwork.

"Now, dey vill likely stand around and argue for a good long vhile before any forward movement occurs. Characterization, dey call it. Schtupid, I say. DIS J STRASSE UND ALL DIE WELTEN TO VHICH IT LEADS SHALL BE OURS! OURS, I SAY!

"WLWLWLWLWLWLWLWLWLLLLLLLLLLLLL!"

Abdul Aziz looked up suddenly from the chair to which he had been tied. His eyebrows shot up. "That strange, unearthly laugh!" he gasped. "Where have I heard it before?"

"mmmmmm-HMMM! Sorry, I had something in my throat!" Der Blitzkrieger continued.

"For pity's sake, sir, how much longer do you and your cohort plan to hold me hostile in my own establishment?"

"As long as it takes," DB answered coolly. "Schweinfraulein, look out der vindow. Vhat do you see?"

"A very unkempt man in black iss entering der bar, mit a cow-man. Now somevone iss leaving... Five costumed frauleins. Der Aryan type in der short-short lederhosen und shiny black boots looks especially... fetching. ah-HUNH! ah-HUNH! ah-HUNH! ah-HUNH!"

"Contain yourself, liebchen! Ve must not allow ourselves to become distracted! Very soon now, ve shall strike!"

Across the street, Dinah opened the door of the cab, almost wrenching it off the hinges.

"Get in the cab, Zee! Now!"

"I just wanna talk to that nice young man... he sounded British... and I smelled booze on his breath..."

"Girl, you are going straight to Oprah when we finish up here. Get in!" Mari shoved Zee into the back seat, then scooted in next to her. Poor Kimiyo had to sit on the hump in the middle, but she just nodded and smiled whenever anyone caught her eye. Kara sat next to her, trying to find some way to fit her knees and her breasts into the same tight space. Dinah squeezed in last and slammed the door.

The driver turned around and smiled at the five super-women.

"Cap'n Crush at your service, ladies. Where to?"

"kevrhon's tower," Dinah said brusquely.

"Uh... the Washington Monument?" asked Crush.

"What? No, kevrhon's tower!"

"Right... the Washington Monument!"

"kevrhon's tower!"

"Ummm... the Washington Monument?"

Kara saw that vein start to bulge in Dinah's forehead. She wished she had a Fresca.

speaking of kevrhon's tower:

The assembled heroes of the JLA and the Pantheon lay scattered around the floor of the tower's main room, many of them grunting or moaning and trying to regain control of their motor facilities.

Batman stood in the center of the room with his arms folded and calmly surveyed the group.

"That's how I'd do it, you see. Of course, I'd probably have to kill you all, just in case, rather than merely incapacitating you momentarily."

"All right, Bruce, you made your point, for Zeus's sake!" Wonder Woman snapped, staggering to her feet and reaching out to give Amazon a hand.

Tilting his head back, Joe Grendel held a handkerchief to his bleeding nose and whispered to himself.

"One of these days you're going to turn your back on me, you psycho, and then... blam! Three little Wayne headstones, all in a row!"

"I heard that!" Batman called, glaring in Joe's direction.

"D'oh! How the f*** does he do that?"

"I have to use the bathroom," Jason Borelli whimpered, using a power-ringed grappling hoOK to drag himself toward the door while clutching his belt.

"Me too," said Kyle Rayner, following after Jason with his legs tightly crossed.

"Amateurs!" Batman spat out, "The whole pathetic lot of you are a bunch of untrained, undisciplined, whiny little babies!"

The room erupted into a cacophony of shrieking, sniveling, grumbling, complaining, and yes, whining.

"You're mean!" Red Monster accused. "There's no need to go proving your superiority to everyone like that. After all, we all have our own unusual talents and abilities!"

"She's right!" added Buried Alien. "Even people like tkm and mt have something useful to contribute in their own uniquely interesting way!"

"Oh, for God's sake!" Batman shouted, then pinched a nerve in his own shoulder and fell unconscious to the floor.

"Great Scott!" said Superman.

"You... you people have defeated the Batman!" Aquaman sputtered. "I didn't think it was possible.

"Wow!" said the Flash.

"Well," J'onn said, glancing around the room. "The Pantheon is a pretty... special group of heroes!"

Wet Willie smiled and started clapping in Buried Alien and Red Monster's direction. Most of the others followed suit.

"If I may interrupt the little mutual admiration society," Lt. MacTyson began in a somewhat annoyed tone (being taken down so quickly by Batman had done nothing for his mood), "Shouldn't we be continuing our search for the villains?"

"Well," said Aztek. "Splitting up into teams didn't work... maybe if we head out individually we can cover more ground?"

"I really don't see the point," said the Scarlet Dragon. "If they're smart, they'll just lie low until the JLA gives up and goes home. What are they going to do, go out and knock off a bank while the street is swarming with super-heroes?"

"J Street is always swarming with super-heroes," the redRicky pointed out.

"Well, but, competent ones."

"Oh."

"Perhaps J'onn could scan for them telepathically," Night-Mope suggested.

"Yeahthat'sagreatideaJ'onn," Impulse encouraged. "JustlistenforreallyfakeGermanaccents!"

J'onn furrowed his brow (a not-inconsiderable and lengthy undertaking) and cast a web of psychic feelers out into J Street.

"Good Lord!" he exclaimed, spitting out a fine spray of Oreos.

"J'onn!" said Wonder Woman and Amazon simultaneously. "What is it?"

The mystical doorless, windowless tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss
(very handy for keeping away travelling salescritters)

J'onn removed his hand from his brow.

"I can't get anything with the interference of all you guys here!"

Wonder Woman tilted her head.

"Really? How is that possible?"

J'onn rubbed his chin.

"It's probably the result of the Pantheon being predominantly from Earth C, which has a slightly different subatomic structure than our world. Normally it isn't a problem, but surrounded by so many people from Earth D, it's causing a sort of psychic 'white noise,' effectively blocking my powers."

Impulse's face fell.

"We ... we have to split up?"

Buried Alien placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Well, splitting into smaller groups would be wise."

"Works for me!" Grendel stood up, dabbing at his nose, seeing the bleeding had almost stopped. "I'm going back to the bar."

As the door slammed and Grendel headed down to street level, Aztek nodded in his direction.

"J'onn, is he going to be safe with Blitzkrieger running around?"

"Sure." The Martian nodded as the teams prepared to head their separate ways and wait for the call. "Grendel's pretty J Streetwise."

Power Girl's spin kick knocked him to the wall, where he was promptly blinded by a brilliant flash from Doctor Light.

Black Canary's series of crosses to the chin banged his head against the newstand wall, causing his words to vibrate out as though he'd swallowed an outboard motor.

"I-I-I-I-I-I p-p-p-p-p-r-r-r-r-r-o-o-o-o-m-m-m-m-m-i-i-i-i-s-s-s-e I-I-I-I'm-m-m-m-m n-n-n-n-n-o-o-o-o-t-t-t-t-t N-N-N-N-N-N-e-e-e-e-m-m-m-m-e-e-s-s-s-i-i-i-s-s-s-s-s-s!"

He slumped back against the wall, blood coming from his mouth, nose, and some nasty abrasions at the back of his head.

Zatanna leaned close, breathing marijuana fumes on him.

"You're NOT? Say, you're kind of cute ..."

Grendel closed his eyes, whimpering in pain.

Why me, Dark Lord? I just want to run my stupid bar ...

The heroes gathered at The mystical doorless, windowless tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss chatted in a friendly way while J'onn tried again to pierce the "white noise" that those very heroes caused.

Batman stirred and rose from his self-inflicted slumber.

The room suddenly grew silent.

"If we can't spread into little teams and we can't use J'onn's telepathy, then what can we do?" asked redRicky.

"Maybe we can call Starr's detective agency and ask hi if he can handle the case" suggested Red Monster.

Batman and MacTyson spoke at the same time "A private detective? You've got to be kidding me! What do you think I'm here for?"

MacTyson and Batman turned their faces at each other, equally surprised to have uttered the same phrase.

Where's the Batsignal when I need it? Joker, why don't you strike? Batman sulked and covered himself with his cloak, striking a mighty pose.

"I'm picking up something," said J'onn.

"What is it?" asked Superman.

"It's something awful...four...maybe five humans are...beating up somebody."

Impulse, Buried Alien, Wet Willie, Amazon, Jason Borelli, redRicky and almost every hero inside the tower sprang to their feet, ready to help.

"Justtelluswhere,J'onn.We'llbethereinajiffy" said Impulse

"A few blocks from here...wait a minute! I'm getting a clearer picture...the victim is...Joe Grendel."

The Pantheon heroes looked at each other for a brief instant.

"So...did Hal Jordan really re-create life in Coast City?" asked Buried Alien while he toOK a seat. The Pantheon followed suit. "No he did not..."

"Two-Face, rob a bank! Clayface, hit a cosmetics store! anyone...just get me out of here!" Batman kneaded his forehead.

Superman approached the Flash and Wonder Woman "I don't know what have we gotten ourselves into, but I think this place rates one notch below "Superhero Loony Bin"

"Wally!"

"It's true! Just look at them! I don't know why Batman didn't punch their clocks harder."

"That kind of talk is unbecoming of a Justice League super hero" Superman reprimanded him. "Just as Batman whuppin' our asses"

"Speaking of grim'n'gritty...where is Bats?"

"Seems he took off a while ago. Commissioner Gordon once told me that it's one of his most annoying habits."

"sure, I'm in the Justice League but they don't include me in their secret powwows! Buncha over-the-hill heroes!" Aztek rambled on.

"OK, OK, hear me out!" Jason Borelli spoke through a ring-generated megaphone.

"We can hear you just fine, Jason." Night-Mope said.

"Sorry. We're just wastin' our time here while those bad guys are running free."

"But what are we going to do? We all know where the splittin' into teams' chapter lead us."

"All right, but..."

"And the soon to be written 'let's all patrol the streets' chapter will have the same results" Scarlet Dragon pointed out.

"Yeah, but..."

"And every Pantheonite knows that the juicy stuff doesn't happen until the last five chapters." reflected Amazon.

"OK, you're all telling the truth. But we need to get to those chapters! I, for one, don't want to have 20 more chapters starting with The mystical doorless, windowless tower of kevrhon and Marital Bliss

"So what is it that you propose?" Superman spoke.

"Easy. Name some possible targets of a would-be crook?"

Several Pantheonites raised their voices.

"Grendel's Pond."

"Abdul's Emporium."

"The mayor's office."

"Happy Platypii's Savings and Loans"

The room grew silent as everyone looked at Wet Willie. "What? They have killer interest rates!"

"OK then. Let's split into teams..."

"Not again!"

"...and discreetly, check out those places. If everything's OK in there, well, then I'm open for suggestions.."

"we could drink ourselves silly in the bar until this story ends."

"I heard that Willie!"

"Hey! That way J'onn's telepathy will be uncluttered and he can scan the streets until he finds those German ratzis!" redRicky said.

"Excellent idea, Ricky!" they all clapped and raised Ricky to their shoulders, carrying him out of the tower, among cheers.

Jason walked out after them.

"Hey! But It was my idea first! It was my idea...

Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill

Merlin sat at the bar slurping from an elaborate cocktail and chatting to the Human Lava Lamp. As they were talking a stranger walked up to the bar and ordered a drink, then went to sit in the corner.

"Hey, did you dig that cat's crazy accent?" said the Human Lava Lamp.

"Yeah," replied Merlin, "Sounded sort of German. Say, you got any more peanuts?"

"Sure," said HLL, reaching beneath the bar, "S'funny, there's been a load of people in here with that accent, today."

"Really?" said Merlin, as something clicking in his head. "Did you see where they went after they left?"

"They haven't left yet, they're all still sitting around that table in the corn- ...hey where'd they go?"

"Ve are everyvere!" said a voice, as Merlin felt a gun being poked into his back.

The Pair found themselves surrounded by six apparent tourists, all now holding pistols and wearing little swastika badges.

"Ve are agents of Der Blitzkrieger and you are our prisoners!" said another of the men.

"Holly-Fake-German-Accent Merlin! They're Nazis!"

"Really? You don't say." said Merlin, silently preparing a spell.

"Do not attempt to -Urk-" said the agent with a gun in Merlin's back.

"Urk? What's an Urk when its at home?" said a confused Merlin.

"-Urk-" said another of the agents, grabbing his throat and falling to the floor.

The other Nazis now looked increasingly worried.

"Stop it! Vot are you doing!" said a worried agent, as three more of his comrades dropped to the floor with small knives sticking out of their backs.

"I'm not doing anything! Honest!" said Merlin, truthfully.

"Who ever is doing this, stop now, or I shoot the Vizard!" shouted the now terrified remaining Nazi.

There was total silence in the bar.

"Show you're self now, or I shoot him. I am varning you, I am not bluffi- ARRGH!" he screamed as a tiny blow dart hit him in the eye and his lifeless body dropped to the floor.

"Wow, thanks baby!" said the Human Lava Lamp, looking over Merlin's shoulder at the red-haired woman wearing a futuristic jump-suit, who was standing in the center of the bar.

"Don't mention it." she said, putting the blow-pipe away as Merlin swiveled round on his stool.

"Karyn!" he shouted, jumping up, instantly forgetting the dead bodies all around him.

"Hi Merl!" said the woman , hugging him tightly. "You miss me little brother?"

"Of course I've missed you! How've you been?"

"Oh, you know, keeping busy. How are you? Still hanging out with-"

"Moooo!" said Cowman, walking out from the kitchen where he'd been talking to daisy.

"CM!" shouted Karyn, running up to Cowman and giving him a big hug, "How's my favorite mutant cow?"

"MooOoo moOoo mOOo MooooOo."

"Hope you're looking after my brother O.K."

"MooOoo MoooOo MoooOoOo."

~ Whose this Cowman? ~ sent Daisy, walking into the room, ~ Old girlfriend? ~

Merlin laughed to himself.

"Daisy, HLL, this is my sister Karyn."

"Hello," said Karyn

Karyn, this is Daisy and The Human Lava Lamp, they work at the bar."

"Hey Baby!" said The Human Lava Lamp.

~ Charmed, I'm sure. ~ sent Daisy, still unhappy with the way Karyn had hugged Cowman ~ I assume that I have you to thank for the dead bodies littering the bar floor? ~

"They were going to hurt Merlin," replied Karyn simply

At this point Merlin seemed to notice the bodies as if for the first time.

"Er... not that I don't appreciate it, but did you have to kill all these people?"

"Yes."

"Couldn't you have just knocked them out? Or, I don't know, maimed them or something?"

"Merlin!" Karyn looked shocked, "When I kill someone, I do it with precision and grace. If word got out that some of my targets were being injured, I'd never live it down."

"Injured? Karyn, they're all dead."

"Well yes, obviously, but aside from the odd knife wound or ruptured internal organ they'd be in perfect health. For gods sake Merl, you're acting as if I'd killed a real person."

Merlin shook his head. By 'real person', Karyn meant another Trader like herself or Merlin. This was a subject that she and Merlin had never seen eye to eye on as, like many (but by no means all) of their people, Karyn considered other races as being second class citizens in the multiverse.

"Where's that sort of attitude going to get you?" he said, preparing for their usual argument.

"A promotion."

"Really?" he replied

"Yep, you're looking at the new head of the Earth F Assassins' Guild."

"Hey, congratulations!" the two hugged again, forgetting their differences. "What happened to you old boss, Smithers?"

"He met with an *ahem* unfortunate accident"

Merlin sighed, but smiled despite himself.

You really haven't changed, have you?"

Not one bit, little brother. Now, have you got somewhere I can stay for a few days?"

"Yeah sure, I- ...ah... actually, Its kind of awkward at the moment, the place I was staying at got a little blown up so I'm staying at a friend's. I've got some other friends that I could ask though, I'm sure they wouldn't mind putting you up for a bit. Why are you here on J Street anyway?"

"Well, I was on a contract, but that has sort of fallen through now. Thought I might just relax for a bit, recharge the old batteries, perhaps the odd bit of charity work." she said, the expression 'charity work' meaning when she killed what were generally considered to be 'the bad guys' for free.

"Just make sure you don't go after anyone in Minuteman or the Pantheon."

"Who?"

"Its a long story, why don't I explain over a drink?"

"Sure. Then you can tell me why this place is crawling with Nazis."

The J-Street Arms Hotel

The phone in Room 917 was ringing off the hook the entire afternoon. Because Jasper currently went to attend yet another sales meeting (For some odd reason their main customer rep hadn't reported for days, but then again, knowing him this was not at all uncommon) so Dom was left alone to man the phone. Most the calls were angry ones. Late shipments, short orders, and of course long waits on hold. Heck even a retailer in Earth CNS went as far as yelling that, Heroes World had better service. Saying that Minutemen Comics was worse than Heroes World, now that made her stomach turn. Anyway, things had finally let up and she definitely needed to step out from the cell that was her hotel room. But before she headed towards the elevator, Dom stopped over across the hall to the room her two sisters shared.

*knock*knock*

"Come in the door's open!" Del said from the inside.

Dom walked in and saw her little sister sitting on her bed fiddling with a mouse attached to a lap top. Around her blueprints scattered in every which way. She looked up and smiled, "Hi Dom! I was just putting some finishing touches on the CAD drawings for the new building! Come here! Tell me what you think!"

As Dom leaned over the bed to see the screen of the computer, Del guided her through the electronic blue print, "You see that is where I extended Jaspers studio to a length I though she might find suitable. At first I thought I wasn't going to be able to do it, but then..." Picking up a note pad and a pen Del began to scribble down measurements and computations, "I made up for space, shorting dimensions of the west wall..."

Laughing Dom responded, "Hey, Imoto slow down... You're going way to fast for your ole'Onesan! Listen, I'm going out, can I get anything?"

"Ohhhh.... How about some Chocolate!?"

As Dom headed for the door she said, "Chocolate it is!"

Like always it took very little to bring Dom's spirits up. Seeing how excited Del was about helping with the designs of the new building made Dom grateful. Del had been in a horrible mood since the Minuteman Comics blew up and with it, most of Del's (as well as everyone else's) possessions. Moreover, as demonstrated by this afternoon running a business out of a hotel was not exactly easy nor cheap. Either way, she pushed her problems aside and hoped that picking up something at Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill would take the edge off. As she entered the establishment, she saw sitting at his favorite table Merlin. With him of course was the ever loyal Cowman, Daisy and a Red Head whom Dom had never seen but yet could not help but notice a resemblance to her mage teammate.

"Dom!" Merl waved, obviously he too was in a good mood. "Come 'ere I have some one I'd like you to meet." As Dom walked over to the table, Merlin introduced the two women, Dom this is my Sister Karyn, Karyn, this is my very good friend Dom."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Karyn." Dom said cheerfully as she shook Karyn's hand.

Karyn responded eyeing Dom , "Excuse me, have we met?"

"Ummm..." Dom said curiously, "I don't think that's possible."

"That's odd, you look familiar to me..." Karyn continued, "Where do you come from?"

"Megami." Dom said, "That is why I don't believe we have met before, the Megami are..."

Karyn interrupted, "I know... Isolationists. That's a real shame, you girls could really put those powers of yours to good use y'know." Once again, carefully looking Dom over she continued, "So your Megami huh? Full goddess?"

Insulted at the question of her breeding Dom responded, "Of course!"

"That's funny." Karyn said casually, "I thought Megami were all supposed to 'ave straight hair."

This time Dom was speechless. Merl was just watching from his seat, he noticed how uncomfortable Dom started to look and he knew how his sister could really careless. But now he himself was curious why would a simple question of hair style would effect Dom in such a fashion. True, Dom's hair was not straight, it was wavy (although not as wavy as Silver Fox's) but why would that matter. Finally, angrily Dom responded, "I believe you are mistaken."

Lightly Karyn responded, "Yeah, maybe I am."

Merl finally interrupted by saying, "Dom, would you like to sit down and 'ave a drink with us?"

Dom looked at Merlin, and calmly said, "No, but thank you very much for asking, I should go." With an obviously difficulty Dom turned to Karyn and said, "It was nice meeting you."

"Same here Megami" Karyn said raising her glass to Dom.

Dom was still visibly upset as she entered the Hotel lobby, and from behind her she head a voice say, "Hey, you look like you got your shitagi in a bunch. So, dear Sis, what happened?"

It was Silver Fox, Dom softly sighed to herself. The last thing she needed was to put up with her Older Sister and snapping Dom responded, "Nothing."

Instead of being offended, Fox was intrigued, "Ohhh... Care to tell me what the 'nothing' was?"

Dom sighed, knowing there was no way out of this, "Oh it was just Merlin's sister, she kept on asking questions and questions of me and I was overwhelmed. You know the odd thing is that despite the family resemblance, she so different from Merl. I believe she was wearing the uniform of the assassin's guild and lemme tell you there was a pile a dead bodies not to far way from the table. Anyway, you'll probably meet her, her name is Karyn."

The moment Dom said Karyn's name Fox's head snapped up, looking straight at her sister she asked, "Does Karyn have red hair?"

"Yeah, she does. Why?" Dom responded

"Oh no reason." Fox brushed it off, "I just imagined Merl's sister would have Red Hair... that's all..."

Dom was about to question her sister once again when all of a sudden it hit her. "Oh blast it, I promised Del I would bring her back some Chocolate! I completely forgot!"

And just as Dom was heading towards the exit once more, Foxy managed to get a hold of her sister and quickly responded, "Now you go back to your room, take a nap or something. You don't wanna go out there, something weird is going on. There's all these guys with buzz cuts and their wearing the symbol of the Hindi Destruction Goddess, Kali backwards! (so you know that can't be good) Plus I saw this weird guys dressed in all black with a pointy hood mumbling something about a Joker. Anyway, I'll bring back Del some chocolate."

And as Silver Fox left the building, she yelled back, "Don't worry."

"Blood and destruction shall be so in use
And dreadful objects so familiar
That mothers shall but smile when they behold
Their infants quarter 'd with the hands of war;
All pity choked with custom of fell deeds"

Kevrhon's Tower ...

"OK then. Let's split into teams..."

"Not again!"

"...and discreetly, check out those places. If everything's OK in there, well, then I'm open for suggestions.."

"We could drink ourselves silly in the bar until this story ends."

"I heard that Willie!"

"Hey! That way J'onn's telepathy will be uncluttered and he can scan the streets until he finds those German ratzis!" redRicky said.

"Excellent idea, Ricky!" they all clapped and raised Ricky to their shoulders, carrying him out of the tower, among cheers.

Jason walked out after them "Hey! But It was my idea first! It was my idea..."

"WAIT!"shouted Superman

"Now what?" frowned redRicky.

"You are actually serious!"

"Huh?"

"You mean to tell me ... four villains are out there, and you guys are going drinking?" inquired The Man of Steel.

"Well ... yeah!"

"Sure!"

"Why not?"

"Your point being?"

Superman took a deep breath.

"No wonder Batman left."

"What was that?"

"It is our duty as ..."

"Yadda yadda yadda" interrupted Wet Willie, "Hey Aquaman!, you coming or not?"

Orin was halfway through the door when he heard Superman cough. Like a deer caught in someone's headlights, Aquaman stopped dead on his tracks. After looking back and forth, several times, he slouched and replied "... heh, heh, ouch! Would you believe I've been out of the water for 24 hours?"

"Both you and I know that excuse doesn't hold any ..."

"You say it, and I swear, I'll be outta here faster than a speeding bullet!"

"So what's your answer?"

"OK. Ahem, guys! Come back, guys! We are staying put, like good Super-people!"

"Maaaaaaaaaaan! This BLOWS!" whined redRicky.

"Tell me about it!" murmured kevrhon.

"I know, for a moment, I thought we were home free" whispered Wet Willie.

"Someone better drag Buried Alien back!" noticed J'onn, "... he's probably on his fifth beer by now!"

Aquaman, Wet Willie, redRicky, The Scarlet Dragon, kevrhon, Amazon, Night-Mope and Jason stared back into the Martian's Eyes.

In unison, they all replied "I'll do it!"

Grendel's Pond Bar & Grill ...

"What are these Nazis doing on my floor?" shouted an extremely pi$$ed off Joe Grendel.

"Sorry Grendel" replied Merlin, "It wasn't our fault ..."

"Who did this?"

"Well actually, I would like you to meet my sister Karyn."

"Fine nice to meet, and all that, where's Oz? Never mind, Lava Lamp!, I need you to set my VIP table. I'll be dinning in the company of four beautiful ladies!"

Black Canary, Power Girl and Dr. Light strolled in, right behind Joe, followed by Zatanna.

"Ladies, how are you, welcome to my place!"

"We are fine," coldly replied Dr. Light.

"I thought we already checked this place," added Power Girl.

"That's right," said Grendel, and with a devilish smile he added "But we never had a chance to talk."

"And you say, that you can help us find redRicky."

At that moment, Merlin was about to say "Isn't redRicky one of ... " when Grendel placed his hand on Merlin's mouth and said

"Lava! Give Merlin a beer! And bring me the good stuff!"

"Are you sure he's not Nemesis?" whispered Black Canary.

"Where was I?" interrupted Grendel, "Oh yes, I've never heard of this redRicky you seek, but I'm sure I can help you find him ... once this headache of mine, stops."

"Poor Joey!" cried Zatanna "Did Power Girl, hurt your lip?"

"Just a little bit." And with a smile he added, "Maybe you should kissed it ... you know ... to make it better."

Abdul Aziz's Pan-Dimensional Emporium ...

Der Blitzkrieger, Gunter, Friedrich and Schweinfraulein continued playing cards when suddenly ...

BOOM

A golden cylinder emerged from nothingness. Inside this interdimensional portal of energy and sound, a cowled figure became visible. Mere seconds later, the tube disappeared, leaving instead...

The God known as Desaad.

"YES! Darkseid will not be pleased once I relay your progress report"

"Vite me!"

"What?"

"I have eleven, a zaid 'Vite Me'. "

"Nein, you are zuppossed to zay 'Hit me'. "

"I ain't falling for that one AGAIN!"

Deesad advanced towards the feuding Nazis. He gently grabbed Gunter's pinkie. He tried to twist it, but gave up promptly.

"Where is Night-Mope?" demanded Desaad.

"Ve don know"

"Why are you not searching? You could've killed him by now"

"Nein. Thee Ztreet iz crowded with Zuperheroez!"

"Yah!"

"There iz tha Juztice League!"

"And zee Pantheon, yah!"

"We Zink iz better to Vait for now. Az zoon az JLA goez, ...we kick azz!"

"Darkseid believes Mr. O'Peigh, to be the sole possessor of the fabled ANTI-LIFE EQUATION. I'm here to retrieve it from Night-Mope's lifeless carcass! It is extremely important, you kill him soon!"

"Zee Anti-Life Equation iz a Myth!"

"Yah! How do you zay, An old folkzzz tale"

"Nevertheless, The Lord of Apokolips awaits!"

Throughout the mindless drivel, Der Blitzkrieger's patience forsook him.

Full of ardor he proclaimed ...

"Tell this Monarch you call Darkseid, my spirit rages for revenge. I'll cry 'Havoc' assured, he'll slip the ChiWoWows of War!

For, when this day is long gone,

J Street will remain, a more gruesome sight,

than NIFLHEIM !"

"As you wish." asserted Desaad.

Kevrhon's Tower ...

Inside, the heroes continued their uneventful meeting.

Aquaman and Wet Willie argued about suing each other for copyright infringements. Jason and Kyle were thumb-wrestling with two immense green thumbs they managed to concoct through their power rings.

Wonder Woman and Amazon chatted the night away. They managed to discuss all important issues related to fashion, guys, and cars. From across the room, kevrhon wished he could listen in on their conversation.

Meanwhile, Impulse and Wally West tried to watch as many TV Programs as possible. The constant channel surfing helped only to aggravate J'onn's headache.

Nearby, redRicky joggled two of his famous Rickarangs. Patiently waiting for the Big Blue Smurf, known as Superman, to turn his back so that he could "deck him one."

"Do you remember me?" said Night-Mope.

"Nope, sorry" replied redRicky

"Maybe I met your predecessor"

"I seriously doubt it. I never had a Golden-Age counterpart"

"Then it was you! We went on a special mission during World War Two! Good old redRicky and I" and with a smile, he added "You should drop by on Sunday, we are going to have ribs!"

BOOM

"What was that?"

"Something exploded outside! Quick, to a window!"

"There are no windows here you ninny!"

"OK. To the exit then!"

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." exclaimed kevrhon.

Jenny Jenny, who can I turn to? You give me something I can hold onto

"I don't like this!" insisted kevrhon.

I know you think I'm like the others before Who saw your name and number on the wall

"Oh GOD! Make it stop!" screamed kevrhon.

Jenny I've got your number I need to make you mine

"NOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN!"

Jenny don't change your number

8 6 7 5 3 0 9

J Street ...

The Darkened skies seem to revel the coming of Parademon shock Troops.

From a Boom Tube, Thirteen Gigantic RC Cola Cans of Devastation emerged.

Followed by Thirteen Colossal ChiWoWows; Darkseid's own Hell-Hound, spawned and bred from the fire pits of Apokolips.

The annihilation of J Street had begun... again.

R.E.M. was playing on the jukebox. You know which tune.

The Human Lava Lamp stood in the doorway, his mouth agape.

"Giant puppies! Whoa ... holy acid flashback, baby!"

Power Girl leapt to her feet, spilling her diet soda (hey, no one told the Human Lava Lamp).

"It's a trick! I KNEW he was Nemesis!" She knocked out Grendel, who had been sitting in Zatanna's lap.

Amy felt a shooting pain behind her eyes; although part of her had secretly relished the sight (see Pantheon Team-Up #5: Amazon/Joe Grendel for why), that was one less hero, er, metahuman the Pantheon and JLA had to call on.

"And I have a feeling we're going to need all the help we can get."

Outside kevrhon's tower

Superman snapped his fingers and pointed at J'onn and Kyle.

"Quick, if we carry the ChiWowWows into space ..."

"Hey!" Wet Willie tapped Superman on the shoulder. "We ain't exactly chipped beef here! And we've got more experience fighting RC Cola cans ... well, some of us do. I'm not one of the O.P. - that's 'Original Pantheon' to you, son - not that I'm bitter or anything."

Kyle leaned over to Borelli.

"Is everyone here usually so angst-ridden?"

Borelli rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yeah. It gets really tiring."

Impulse's Comic book Shop

Chihuahua-Lad was wondering how to conceal his copy of "Bigguns" amongst his bag of comics when the skies darkened, and the RC Colas and the ChiWowWows of War appeared.

He dropped the bag to the sidewalk, his eyes going wide behind his paper-mache mask.

"Oh, YIKES!" His high-pitched whine shattered the glass of the front window.

"Chihuahua-Ladwhatareyouthinking? WestillareintheredaftertheJoeGrendelRevengeSquadblewupthestore... Say,what'sthatmagazine? OHMIGOD,BIGEVILDOGS!"

But Chihuahua-Lad didn't hear Impulse, his fearless leader. The Boy of Paper Mache backed against the wall, eyes on the Apokaliptan creatures, his fearful whine rising in pitch ...

The skies around J Street were angry, it was mid-day and it already was dark. As Silver Fox made it towards Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill she could have sworn, she heard dogs howling in the distance, still she needn't be bothered with he hungry cries of some mutts, nope she was about to come face to face with her past, and while part of her dreaded it, the other part, knew it was going to be just like old times. As she walked in to the Bar and Grill it was for the most part empty. But just like her sister knew, odds were that Merlin was going to be there. And there he was at his favorite table talking to Karyn. The Siblings were so enthralled in their conversations, they didn't notice Foxy come up to them until Fox spoke up,

"Oh Merl, here you are! I just bumped into Dom and she told me you're sister was in town, and I thought what kind of person would I be if I didn't stop by and say hello."

Suspiciously Merl responded, "That's nice of you Foxy... Anyway, This is my Sister Karyn, Karyn, this is Dom's sister, Silver Fox."

Karyn got up and shook Silver Fox's hand and smiled, "Ah, another Megami, Pleased to meet you Fox."

"Same here Karyn, tell me, have you taken a tour of J-Street."

"Actually" Merlin spoke up, "I was just planning to do that right now..."

"Both Women looked at Merlin, and Karyn stated, "Oh no dear brother, you have already been so hospitable, you stay here, Fox here will show me around."

Somehow the idea of his sister being alone with Silver Fox didn't sit well with Merlin, it was like sending a guy with an torch into a silo of dynamite, "No Karyn, I must insist, plus It'll give more of a chance to introduce you to s'more people."

"Really Merl, it's OK..." Fox started, but she knew Merlin was not going to budge so instead she looked around first (again the Bar was mostly dead, the employees all seemed preoccupied including Grendel who was surrounded by a group of heroines) straight at him and did what she did best. Sweetly she stated, "Oh Merl, but of go if and show your sister around J-street then you won't be able to enjoy all your cocktails. That is what you want right? More Cocktails...."

In a daze Merl said, "Yes, I would like that a lot."

Foxy then got the attention of The Human Lava Lamp and pointed at Merlin, "You see my friend there, make sure he gets everything he wants." She drops down a wad of Bills, "OK?"

"Human Lava Lamp With his eyes on the fat mass of bills just nods. As Silver Fox and Karyn walk out, laughing Karyn states,

"I guess something never change huh?"

"Well from the looks of you I would say that is very true."

The second both women exited the bar they gave each other warm embrace, Foxy happily stated," This is such pleasant surprise! I would have never guessed you were the Mage's sister!"

"Hell what about your Sis! She's a real piece a work! I mean talk about a serious case of denial!

Laughing Fox responded, "You don't know the half of it. Anyway, what brings you to J-Street?"

Oh I'm just taking sometime off," Then jokingly she continued, "Plus the guy who contracted me to kill you pulled out in the last minute."

Laughing Foxy responded, "Oh you should have tried anyway, who knows maybe this time you would have actually gotten me."

"Hey..." Karyn laughing, responded, "Last time you got lucky. Anyway, talk about surprises, what about you here, living among humans, I would have thought a big bad Han Hinshu like you wouldn't reduce herself to actually dealing with savages in a daily basis."

"Eh... slumming here ain't as half bad as you would believe." Fox said as the both women witnessed, a monstrous ChiWowWow swallow Unlikelytosurvive Woman whole.

"I've been waiting for some one to off that girl," Fox said flatly.

"You know, I think I'm going to like this place," Karyn stated.

"YIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIPYIP!"

Chihuahua Lad's shrill cry pierced the heavens. The ChiWowWows of War stopped dead in their tracks. Their oversized ears perked up. They turned, in spooky unison, towards Chihuahua Lad. The Great Licking of '97 began.

Elsewhere on J Street

The assembled heroes carefully walked/flew/floated/power-ringed/whatever down the street. Chihuahua Lad had neutralized most of the War Dogs. A few remained unaccounted for. And the RC Cola cans were still wreaking havoc.

J'onn spoke up. "I found them. They're about to attack a building ...they hear music, and don't like it. The musicians are in grave danger! We must get there now!"

Still elsewhere on J Street

The Soundproof Pants were jamming. Their frontman Joe Rice, DaDamerican, had rented a practice room at [Wet Grass and Hamburger]'s joint. They called him "John." They, like most humans, couldn't pronounce smells.

As the band rocked out to an old-school rockabilly-type number, Joe sang.

"...ain't no if's and's or but's,

this girl she really drives me nuts!

That's Molly!"

Suddenly, the wall crashed in, revealing three giant Chihuahuas. The band members looked at each other and cracked their knuckles. These giant small, hairless Mexican dogs hadn't anticipated a rock band full of superheroes. With the help of Bassmaster's bass guitar/bass fishin' rod's power, they were instantly in costume. DaDamerican, Kung Fu, Bassmaster, Girl Man, and the dilapidated Flotarr were ready to rock in a different way now.

Apokolips.
Neither a nice place to visit or live.

Desaad shrieked in horror as he stared into his monitor.

"A BOY? A BOY? My plans, the ChiWowWows, all defeated so easily? Well, let's see how the precious heroes deal with an onslaught of Parademons ..."

A gnarled hand slapped down on a big red button, the kind evil villains always have lying around although, frankly, no one else seems to.

Alarm bells echoed throughout the complex, and Desaad chortled to himself ...

J Street

"You're the Justice League?" Flotarr sneered, waving a hand dismissively. "In your dreams, Flasher!"

"That's 'Flash,' you moron ..." Wally leaned back toward Batman. "Please let me punch this guy out."

Batman shook his head.

"Barry would never have said something like that."

"D'Oh!"

The Scarlet Dragon flapped his way into the air, surveying the zombie-like giant ChiWowWows.

"Well, Joe, it looks like the whole situation is wrapped-up and ... hey, would you watch it with that bridle?"

"Sorry, man," Grendel waved his sword over his head in a Tolkeinesque manner. "It's a shame it took us so long to get you into this rig. I feel like a read bad googer up here."

Amazon and Wonder Woman, flying alongside, merely rolled their eyes at this.

Diana winked at Amy and mouthed "testosterone."

"Maybe we can get back to finding Der Blitzkrieger," she said aloud.

TSD snorted with frustration.

"Well, could we get this bridle off of me, then? I'm starting to chafe, and ..."

It was, unfortunately, at this moment that all the stress came to be too much for Chihuahua-Lad and he passed out.

This was immediately followed by one particularly surly giant ChiWowWow of War swallowing Night Mope, the Pantheon, the Justice League of Ashland and the Justice League of America in one gulp.

The other ChiWowWows went back to destroying the only recently rebuilt J Street.

"Uh oh," muttered Amy. "Anyone know if Vixen and the rest of the women are still in the bar? I think we might need them."

And at this moment the air was split open by a loud boom as an invading army of Parademons arrived ...

High over J Street

Grendel didn't even notice the Pantheon and both JLAs being swallowed alive below him, so busy was he showing off for Amy and Diana. Swinging the sword over his head in a completely useless maneuver that he was sure looked spectacular, he leaned back in the saddle and pulled the bit tighter in the Scarlet Dragon's mouth.

"Heavy Metal!" he yelled just as the Dragon gagged on the bit and coughed, flinging him from the makeshift saddle and out into open space.

"Oops," hacked Rob, rubbing his throat.

Grendel plunged toward the earth, where a horde of Parademons had just deployed from a boom tube and were busily invading J Street, slapping up cheesy adverts, crowding into all the cool shops and cafes, and buying out all the cool loft apartments in the artists' quarter.

"Oh goog," he muttered, wishing that he hadn't bothered with the stupid sword. Lot of good it would do him now.

Several of the Parademons were setting up a Portable Fire-Pit of Apokolips in preparation for the barbecue later that afternoon.

Grendel landed right in the middle of it, almost immediately burning every inch of his brand new, baby-pink skin to a crisp.

"Hey!" yelled one of the Parademons. "We're not supposed to start now! The coals aren't even hot yet!"

"Wasn't me, Black Aangus, honest!"

Diana and Amazon looked at each other.

"Uh, gee, I thought you were going to save him!" they both said in unison.

Inside an awfully big gullet...

Ever see a Giant ChiWowWow of War walking down the street and think to yourself, "Boy! I wonder what that thing looks like on the inside"?

Oh. Well anyway, that's what the Pantheon and both JLAs were finding out. Sort of. It's pretty dark in there, for one thing.

After a moment several pairs of white eyes appeared, just like in the cartoons.

"Man, I sure am glad I paid extra for the solid white eyeslits this time!" said Wally.

"You got that right!" chimed in Kyle.

"Shhh!" snapped Batman.

"Omigod! It's Batman!" squeaked Kyle.

"I can't see a thing," muttered J'onn, whose eyes had no whites.

Aztek was going to say something, but couldn't figure out if he was in the League or not.

"Oops," said someone who sounded suspiciously like the Mighty Hank!

"What's that smell?" wondered one of the JLAers. Um, JLAshlanders. Girl-Man, I think.

"What, that fishy smell?" said Jester.

"Hey!" Aquaman and Wet Willie protested in unison.

"I bathe every 24 hours," huffed Aquaman.

"I'm always wet," added Willie proudly.

"No, no, I'm not talking about that," said the JLAshlander. Maybe it's Bassmaster, actually.

"Hey!" yelled Aquaman and Wet Willie again.

"Why don't I light a match so we can see where we are?" offered Connor.

"NO!" yelled several Pantheoneers at once, utterly panic-stricken.

"That smell is killing me," said, uh, Infinite Mike. Or Flotarr, one.

"HEY!"

"Sheesh, it's just like being in the JLI all over again," growled Batman to himself.

"Why don't you do that nifty Vulcan neck-pinch trick again?" offered the redRicky helpfully.

"Arrgh!"

"Hi," said a new voice. "I'm Mark Waid. Um, gail told me to drop in and say hi sometime...I'm not sure if this is the right way to do it..."

At this point kicking and punching commenced. There may have been some biting, but it was too dark to tell for sure. It's a safe bet no Parademons were involved, however, which is unfortunate since at this point they had bombarded KJST FM with requests for the song "Stairway to Heaven" and were rapidly moving on to buying lots of expensive brass knickknacks from Abdul to put on their fake fireplace mantles.

Next issue: Will hellgirl inexplicably join the JLA only to abruptly leave again? I guess you'll never know!

The carnage-strewn wasteland formerly known as J Street

As the Parademons ransacked the McDonald's at J and 14th Streets, sure that they had a few Beanie Baby Happy Meals left, one cocked his head at the sound coming from a small boombox the late fries guy had left playing.

There, on J Street's other radio station, WJST, was an entrancing sound.

First one, then dozens of Parademons began swaying to its hypnotic beat, the sounds that conjured up visions of worlds as-yet-unimagined by the miserable wretches.

"MMMMMMM-Bop!" they sang in unison, bouncing out into the street in time with the music.

"Retawgnob, hsiugnitxe eht semalf! Laeh Oej Lednerg!"

Zatanna's blast of water splashed down over the fire pit, healing Grendel, as Vixen, Power Girl and Black Canary ripped into the nearby Parademons.

"Oog," Grendel staggered to his feet, held there by an equally unsteady Zatanna. "It's almost like someone out there is trying to get me!"

"Uh, 'scuse me," Vixen broke in.

"Don't be silly, man," Zatanna breathed, putting out enough pot fumes to start a spontaneous Phish concert. "That's, like, goofy or somethin'."

"Typical male ego," Black Canary snipped. "Reminds me of Mr. Blonde Goatee himself ..."

"Uh, HELLO?" Vixen said again, pointing behind them. "You really shouldn't just politely overlook me!"

"LOOK OUT!" Power Girl screamed. "CHIWOWWOW!"

"That's what I've been trying to say," Vixen muttered.

Grendel pulled out his gun, and with the help of Zatanna aiming his arm, fired three shots into the ChiWowWow's massive head.

"Goog. That's some thick skin."

The Justice League Womyn and Grendel were promptly swallowed by the ChiWowWow.

High above, Amy and Diana turned toward endangered civilians.

"Two-timing twit ..."

The Parademons circled 'round The Scarlet Dragon, humming ominously under their breath, holding his reins tight.

He looked at their implacable faces. The Pantheon was gone. The Justice League of America was gone. The Justice League of Ashland was gone. Even Grendel and the Justice League Womyn were gone.

There was only thing to do. He opened his mouth wide, never taking his eyes off the Parademons.

"MMMMM-Bop!"

The Parademons looked at one another, then began bouncing up-and-down with glee.

"MMMMM-Bop!" they sang together, none of them remembering any actual lyrics.

The Minutemen wandered away from the Minuteman Comics construction site.

"Hey!" Dom snarled. "We've barely been IN this story, except for like two chapters with Merlin's sister!"

"Yeah," Karyn roared. "I'm a major supporting character that will play an important part in an upcoming story."

"And," JYu nodded, "It's not like J Street's JUST the Pantheon or anything ..."

Dom looked at him.

"Aren't you dead?"

"Oh, right." JYu vanished into a puff of continuity.

This was followed a moment later by the Minutemen all being swallowed by a ChiWowWow.

Dr. Newg Od's office

"I just feel CONSTRAINED into living a certain sort of role, is all. I mean it's always 'conquer the universe, find the Anti-Life Equation.' Honestly, I don't know what I would do with the googing thing if I found it!" Darkseid adjusted his sunbonnet and looked over at Dr. Od. "You know what I mean?"

The doctor nodded.

"Sure, you're just going through the motions. Tell me, what would you REALLY like to do."

"Really?"

"Uh huh."

"Flower arrangement."

Infernal Retrieval Services

A ChiWowWow shoved its head through one wall, letting in the sounds of shrieking Parademons, explosions, and the song "MMMMM-Bop!"

The enormous beast sniffed the room curiously.

"Do you have an appointment?" Ms. Monday asked.

She was then swallowed.

Impulse's Comic Book Shop

"C'mon, team!" Impulse waved to the not-really-sure-they-wanted-to-be-superheroes-any-more team. "It's up to the J Street Task Force to save the day. That is, if someone can wake up Chihuahua-Lad."

The Mad Hugger shook the prone teen.

"Wake up, dude. What's he saying? He's mumbling in his sleep."

"Mmmmm ... Pamela Anderson!" Chihuahua-Lad's hands shot forward.

"AHHH!" The Mad Hugger screamed. "He's fondling me! He's fondling me!"

As everyone knows, when ever a group of super heroes meet there is bound to be misunderstand at first, then a fight, then they all team up at the end to fight a common enemy. Obviously, the Pantheon does things a bit different. Cuz you see, they did get a visit from the JLA and there were some misunderstandings (That I understand will probably be resolved in a court of law), and while they are fighting a common enemy, Apokolips and his man hungry ChiWowWows, but somehow not only have the JLA and Pantheon, managed to get swallowed alive but also those tough luck heroes, The Minutemen! (Well most of them anyhow)

Can you imagine the Horror! One minute, you are having a nice conversation with an old Friend and then your younger sister comes out of no where, has a conversation with a dead man, and then not only is she swallowed alive by a huge ugly Mexican canine from Hell, but so is your baby sister and a bunch of your would-be-teammates! So it is pretty understandable, that Silver Fox turn to Karyn and state,

"So? How long you staying in town?"

For Silver Fox that is....

"Reality check Foxy, you sisters just got swallowed by that thing." Karyn said pointing at the ChiWowWow now licking his chops. "Aren't you going to do anything to keep them from I dunno... being digested?"

"Oh Almighty, no, I'm sure, their fine, I'd sure that as we speak Dom is working on her way out."

"Yeah, I guess your right, I mean having you as their Older sister, I'm sure they've been in tougher spots than this."

"Exactly... HEY!"

"Anyway, I should get going," Karyn continued while looking at her watch. "I saw about how much money you gave the bartender, according to my calculations my dear brother has probably all but used it up by now and then some."

"Well It was good seeing you again." Fox said giver her friend a goodbye hug, "Call me up before you leave so we can really catch up about old times."

Beginning, to walk away, Karyn began, " Yeah Fox, so far it's been a blast! We definitely have to get together soon! Oh and before I forget, can you please tell me how to break that spell you cast over my poor unassuming younger brother."

"Oh yeah... All you have to say is, 'Megami are indeed the superior life form' and once you have spoken the truth for the first time of your life, then the spell is broken." Fox responded as she smiled and winked at her obviously not amused friend.

Karyn just gave Fox a Smirk and as she turned and walked away laughed to herself and thought "Yup some things don't ever change."

Inside a ChiWowWow

"Okay, whomever's hand that is, better remove it NOW or else they will pay dearly."

"Oh...sorry Dom" Empath replied, "it's way too dark in here, and I thought I was resting my hand against a rib."

"Man, this type of stuff NEVER happened to us at Minuteman."

Finally generating a glow of white light in her clenched fist, Dom turned to Cable77, "and told him sharply, "Stop Whining!" Then looked up and asked loudly, "Is everyone okay?"

Hearing each the distinct voices, of Del, Francis, Empath, and Cable77. Say, "yes" And then Francis muttering something along the line, "I don't care how big the TV is in Cable's Hotel room, next time we're watching the game at our home next time." Dom knew everything was pretty much normal. Well except for that part about being in the digestive tract of a ChiWowWow.

"Del, tell me, can you teleport us outta here?" Dom asked of her little sister.

Del looked rather uncertain, once she had teleported Dom, Red Monster and JYu (who was HUGE) and she was still feeling the strain a week later! She looks at Empath, okay, but then at the size of Cable77 and Francis! She turns to Dom with her head down, "No, Onesan, I am afraid not. I am sorry."

"Don't worry, too much about it Del. You should save your energy anyway, we might need it for later." Dom then turned to Cable, "Well Cable-guy, what about you?"

"Well sure, I just need to know where we are."

"Hell-O!! We're inside a huge dog. What do you need to prove it to you? A giant tape worm to come and attack us!" Francis stated impatiently

"That is not what I meant Franc!" Cable77 snapped, " I meant, where exactly in the dog are we, I need to know so I can make sure the teleport is safe. "

Del who was looking around while the two large Minute-guys were taking swipes at each other, spoke up, "Well according to the tissue in the area and the shape of this bone, I'd say we're somewhere between the withers and brisket."

After receiving blank stares by everyone, Del sighed, "That's between the base of the neck and right behind the front legs."

"Oh..."

In a few moments all the Minutemen that were all teleported straight down to the ground. And they all scurried behind the ChiWowWow to make sure they didn't relive that horrible experience again.

"Thank god that's over..." Francis started as just then the ChiWowWow . "But what are we going to do now? We can't leave that thing just running around."

The Scarlet Dragon opened his eyes and looked around. The Parademons that had been tormenting him had disappeared, drawn by the lure of catchy pop music.

Annoyed, he ripped the bridle off his head and flung it groundward. "I'll have to put a bridle on Grendel next time and see how he likes it!" he fumed.

"Let's see, everyone else has been swallowed by Darkseid's ChiWowWows, except Wonder Woman and Amazon who've gone who knows where. That leaves me to save the day...

"Oh, dear."

At Abdul Aziz's Antique Emporium, Der Blitzkrieger suddenly flew into one of his unpredictable rages. Jumping to his feet and overturning the table at which he and his underlings were playing cards, he flung his hand at his opponents.

"Hey! That iss no vay to be beink a zore loozer!" protested Gunter.

"Jah!" said Friedrich. "You could giff somevun a paper cut that vay!"

"Enough!" Der Blitzkrieger thundered. "Mein time grows short und mein patience shorter! Ve vill now venture forth from ziss place und find der Night-Mope!"

"I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't allow you to do that."

Der Blitzkrieger whipped around to face the source of the interruption, and saw three immaculately groomed men in dark suits and rep ties with slim, real-leather attache cases in their hands.

"Tell me now who you are und vhy I should not svat you like flies vhere you stand," DB hissed menacingly.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the man in the lead answered calmly. He extended a business card, which DB accepted and stared at blankly. "We are Alien, Smith, & Jones, Darkseid's Elite Paralegals. We are here on behalf of our client to cancel your period of service and issue an injunction against any further use by you of the Lance of the Abyss."

"Vhat?" DB protested weakly.

"Darkseid is not pleased with your lax approach to mayhem and your slipshod brand of villainry, to say the least."

"Yah," DB said, regaining some of his haughty demeanor and leveling the Lance of the Abyss at the trio of attorneys. "I tink I blow you avay now..."

"I don't think so," the head Paralegal replied. "You see, we're not here alone..." He snapped his fingers. "Enter... Rhee-P'Hoah!"

A hulking, armored behemoth, his immense form swathed in swirling tendrils of crackling energy, lumbered forward from the doorway and confronted Der Blitzkrieger.

"Well, well," said the armored giant, in a voice very like that of Ned Flanders, "Looks like somebody missed a payment!" With that, he gripped Der Blitzkrieger's shoulder firmly with one hand, seized the Lance with the other, and pulled.

Der Blitzkrieger's scream echoed for blocks away and was heard even in What the Frock?, J Street's toniest boutique, where Amazon was modeling a designer dress in front of Wonder Woman.

"That's perfect, Amy!" Wonder Woman said. "Casual, but elegant - your high school friends at the wedding will be blown away."

"Thanks, Diana," Amazon replied. She glanced with some concern out the window. "Did you hear that scream? I wonder if Joe and the others are still stuck in the ChiWowWows?"

"Oh, someone will take care of it," Wonder Woman assured her. "I found a really cute star-spangled sweater I want to try on. Hold my lasso, would you?"

"AHHH! He's fondling me! He's fondling me!"

The rest of the J Street Task Force rushed to pull Chihuahua-Lad away from the Mad Hugger, as the Scarlet Dragon alit from the sky, sighing with relief. "Kids! Thank goodness! I need your help!"

"We're not kids," Information Booth began...

"Hush, son! Listen, the Pantheon, the JLA, and... the JLA again are trapped inside Darkseid's ChiWowWows."

"Impulse, I want you to go get all the syrup of ipecac you can find, and Buried, go bring back a bunch of empty barrels."

"Done!" Impulse and Buried Alien reported in unison.

"All right, now fill the barrels with the syr..."

"Done!"

"Okay, now, I'm going to take a barrel and fly up to one of the ChiWowWows at a time. When it opens its mouth to swallow me, I'll throw the barrel in and take off! Then, Mad Hugger and Hawaiian Puncher, you head for the dog's stomach and hug and punch like you've never hugged and punched before! And Buried and Impulse, you run in circles in front of them to make them dizzy!"

"What can I do?" asked the Question(?).

"I'm sure not a day goes by that your teammates don't ask themselves that very same thing, Question(?), but I'm afraid I can't help you."

The Masochist raised a hand. "May I be chained to one of the barrels?"

"*sigh.* No!"

"Well, then, may I have that bridle you threw away?"

"*sigh.* Yes."

"Thank you, Sir!"

"*sigh.* All right. Now, is everyone ready?"

"YES!!!!!!!!!"

Inside one of the ChiWowWows, Zatanna and Power Girl clung to Joe Grendel, shivering, while Vixen and Black Canary folded their arms and tapped their feet with a squelching sound in the ChiWowWow's digestive enzymes. Dr. Light stood quietly in the background, politely overlooked once again.

"Not so tight, girls," said Grendel, "You know how rayon wrinkles!"

Just then, a huge wooden barrel came hurtling down the ChiWowWow's esophagus and shattered on Grendel's head.

"YAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" he screamed, before falling unconscious into the viscous puddle of stomach acid and syrup of ipecac that now surrounded him.

"Well, I couldn't have asked for better than that if I'd planned it," Black Canary said smugly.

"What is this s***?" asked Vixen.

Before anyone could attempt to answer, the muscles of the ChiWowWow's stomach began to shudder violently.

About twenty minutes later, the JSTF were hosing off Ms. Monday, and the freshly-rinsed Justice League Bikini Te - er, Womyn had found a first-aid kit and were bandaging the head of the unconscious, sopping-wet Grendel, when the third of the hero-swallowing ChiWowWows took his seat on the porcelain bus, as it were.

The Justice League, Justice League Ashland, and most of the Pantheon came splattering down on the asphalt in a rain of stomach contents.

"Hey, that was just like body surfing at the Jersey Shore!" Wet Willie exclaimed, looking around.

Batman got to his feet, stiffened with anger, and regarded the others coldly. "I'm going to see Denny O'Neil the minute we get back. This never happened! Do you understand?"

"Calm down, old friend," Superman began, placing a hand on Batman's shoulder.

"You're not my friend!" Batman shouted, flinging off the offending hand and running away, dabbing at his eyes with his cape.

"Looks like someone's got a little problem perceiving reality," Flash murmured.

"He wasn't like that back when I helped found the Justice League," Black Canary said.

J'onn and Aquaman turned and stared at her.

"WHAT??" she demanded.

MacTyson coughed. "Hello? Aren't we forgetting something?"

"What?" [fill in your favorite character, other than MacTyson] asked.

"Even if these are the last of the ChiWowWows, there are giant RC Cola Cans roaming free on J Street spreading destruction and a mad Nazi with a Doomsday Weapon that, yada yada yada, waiting to blow us all to Kingdom Come!"

At the mention of Kingdom Come, the entire Pantheon sighed wistfully. Most of the JSTF and both JLAs looked puzzled.

Suddenly, a loud BOOOOOOM! shook the street, and a hulking armored figure appeared before them, brandishing the Lance of the Abyss.

"Well, well! Abusing animals, are we?"

A trio of men in dark suits stepped forward, wielding their briefcases menacingly.

"There are laws against that sort of thing, you know..."

J Street
What the Frock?

Diana stepped out from the dressing room. "Here, you'll have to zip me up," she said, turning her back towards Amazon. Amazon pulled the sweater's zipper shut and Diana turned back around. "So what do you think?"

"It's nice. I like the stars, but the sleeves are a little...weird. Can't you take those bracelets off?"

Just then there was a muffled BOOOOOOM! from somewhere down the street. Diana and Amazon both turned and looked towards the door of the boutique, then turned back. The teenage Goth girl behind the counter hadn't even reacted.

"No, actually I can't," continued Diana as if nothing had happened. "They're too tight to slide over my hands. I don't mind so much most of the time, but they make it hard to bend my wrists."

"Hmm," said Amazon. "That's a problem. Have you tried a blowtorch?"

Abdul Aziz's Pandimensional Emporium

Der Blintzeater sat up on the floor. "Friedrich. Come here und help me get up, " he groaned.

Friedrich looked at Gunter.

"I am not knowing, you haff tried to hurt me, mein friend, mit your playingcardtrowing," he told his fallen leader.

Schweinenfrauen gave him a dirty look and helped Der Bliztkrieger to his feet. He swayed for a moment, regained his equilibrium, brushed off his uniform. Schweinfraulein beat the dust off of his back, a little too enthusiastically.

"Enough! Genug!" he snapped at her. He glanced down at his right arm, which barely looked human. At the shoulder it was ridiculously muscular, but partway down, where the shortened sleeve ended (and the Old Nazi Doomsday Weapon That Might Actually Work had once begun), it abruptly became flimsy and atrophied, thick blue veins showing through the sickly pale skin.

"I am going to kill somevun," he snarled, looking towards Gunter and Friedrich, who snapped to attention. "I am going to kill somevun and I am not going to shtop!"

"Uh...who? Who is it you are going to kill?" asked Gunter feebly.

"Night-Mope?" added Friedrich hopefully.

"Yah, Night-Mope am I going to kill. Und Herrs Alien, und Schmidt, und Yones, und ziss 'Repo' zey haff, ziss 'Repo' mit MEIN ARM!" DB bellowed. "Und! I vill do ziss alone! I do not need you pazetik vurms in mein vay!"

He stormed out of the shop. Gunter, Friedrich, and Schweinfraulein looked at each other.

Schweinfraulein's left eyebrow twitched.

Alien, Smith, and Jones were about to begin serving papers on each and every one of the Pantheon, the JLA, the other JLA (no, not the JLE!), the JSTF, and everyone else in sight when someone spoke up.

"Ahem," said Ms. Monday, who somehow still managed to look impeccably dressed in spite of her recent experiences. "Do you have proper jurisdiction in this purview?"

"Huh?" said Alien, one hand still in his briefcase.

"Do you have clearance to practice law in this dimensional waystation? I'll need to see evidence that you've passed the bar in all dimensions conterminous with this one in accordance with Section 35567.9, Paragraph B.11 of the J Street Accords, Volume G57, Series 98Q. Your bona fides, please?"

"Uh," said Smith, looking at Jones.

"As I have not received satisfactory evidence that this is the case, I hereby enact Provision 34 of Paragraph B.11, Section 35567.9, Volume G57, Series 98Q, which reads 'In the event of the unauthorized practice of law within the demesne referred to herein and throughout as 'J Street', said transgressors are to be terminated immediately with extreme prejudice without recourse to appeal or pardon,'" pronounced Ms. Monday, pulling out a Big Nasty Gun that couldn't possible fit anywhere on her person.

"Look," said Smith hastily. "We don't want any trouble! I'll just go back to Bel Air and, uh, work on my law degree or something..."

"Yeah," added Jones in his gravelly voice. "We don't want no trouble or nothin', sweetheart..."

Ms. Monday plugged him right between his hairy eyebrows, turned smoothly, blew off Smith's head, then followed up with Alien, making a green gooey mess out of him.

"Well," said Grendel, who had finally woken up. "I never did like lawyers."

It was very quiet for a moment. Energy snapped and popped around Rhee-P'Hoah.

"Well, howdly-doodly," said the behemoth. "I guess I'm just gonna hafta kill y'all all by my self!"

"Not so fast, mein friend!!" came a shout from behind him.

Rhee-P'Hoah swiveled around 180 degrees. Everyone stared at Der Blitzkrieger.

His eyes blazed as he activated his heretofore unexploited hypnotic powers.

Gunter, Friedrich, and Schweinfraulein were still standing in Abdul's, trying to decide what to do next.

"Go Fisch?" suggested Friedrich.

Just then the door to the shop opened with the faint tinkling of bells. The three Nazis turned their eyes in their heads to examine the new arrival, a man in a bush jacket with a bag slung over his shoulder. He didn't seem to notice them as he peered into the darkness at the back of the shop.

"Abdul?" he called. "Abdul? You in here?"

No answer. None of the Nazis moved.

"Abdul? I have some stuff to sell..."

A squeaking noise came from behind the counter. "Yess? I am here...what is it you have?" Abdul peered over the top of the counter cautiously. "Oh, hello, Mr. Nick," he said, sounding a bit relieved.

"Just 'Nick', please," corrected the man with a smile. He swung his heavy canvas bag up onto the counter with ease. He glanced at the three Nazis, turned back to Abdul, then turned around again.

"You're Nazis," he told them, finally registering the swastika armbands.

"Yah..." agreed Gunter slowly.

"Take this out of my payment, Abdul," said the newcomer.

Gunter, Friedrich, and Schweinfraulein went exploding through the window out into the street. Nick jumped after them, grabbed Gunter, and used him as a club to pound on Scweinfraulein. Glancing across the street, his eyes took in the sign above the bar:

"Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill"

"Hunh," said Nick. "Sign's on the fritz. I wonder if that's the same Grendel?"

Schweinfraulein grabbed him and booted him over the top of Abdul's.

Cap'n Crush slammed on the brakes in his taxi and swore to himself. "Man! What is going on here?"

In front of him was a large crowd of superheroes, some of whom he recognized, all standing stock still in the middle of the street.

"I wish they'd hold their little rumbles somewhere else," he muttered. "Right, Ernie?"

The taxi didn't answer but he gave the dashboard a little pat anyway.

"Now let's see if we can't find a way around." He put the car in gear and swung it up onto the sidewalk. "No crowd of mind-controlled zombies is gonna stop Cap'n Crush from getting to his next passenger!"

Meanwhile

Merlin walked back up to the bar, accompanied by a cheer from the rest of the bar's diverse patrons. It was turning out to be a very good day.

"Give us another 12 of those pink ones with the little umbrella's." he said to the Human Larva Lamp, cheerfully.

"Are you like, sure about this Merl?" replied the 'Lamp. "That groovy pile of cash she left ran out a while ago."

"Put it on her tab again, you know Silver Fox is good for it."

"Yeah, but I'm sure she meant for you to buy drinks for yourself man, not for every cat in the bar."

At this, another cheer erupted from the rest of the bar. Merlin smiled broadly.

"You don't know Silver Fox like I do Lamp, she's a very, er... giving person. Another crate of blood wine for the Klingons in the corner while you're at it."

"How much of her money have you spent so far little brother."

Hearing his sisters voice behind him, Merlin quickly crossed his eyes before turning round.

"Muuuust buuuuyyy cocktailsssss" he said in a slurred monotone.

"Give it up Merlin, you're not fooling anyone."

"Er... Foxy isn't with you, is she?"

"Relax your safe, she's not here. How much of her money have you spent anyway?"

"Lets just say that if she found out I wasn't under her spell, my prospects of seeing another century would be decidedly slimmer."

"Well, since Foxy is buying, I think I might just have a drink or three myself." she said, sitting down on a stool next to Merlin. "But tell me, how'd you get round the spell?"

"To be honest with you, I'm not totally sure. Normally goddess magic is a right goog to dispel, but I seemed to shrug this one off without even thinking. Maybe its living on J Street, but I've just felt a lot more charged lately. My spells seem to have that extra 'zang, you know?"

"This place is charged all right. Have you seen what's going on outside?"

"Don't worry about it, I'm sure it'll all be taken care of by chapter 45."

"What?"

"I said I'm sure it will be taken care of."

"No, after that, something about a chapter?"

"Did I? I'm sorry, like I said, this place just starts to get to you after a while." Merlin took a sip from his drink. "Anyway, enough about me, lets see if we can find you a place to stay, shall we?"

"You sure you want to go out there? It could get a little violent." she replied, half teasing.

"Karyn, this is J Street. When its not violent, then you worry.

Der Blitzkrieger's eyes filled with those funky spirals always seen in cartoons.

"You are under mein power ..."

As the Justice League America, Justice League Ashland, Pantheon, J Street Task Force and Minutemen stiffened and went blank, a few members stumbled back clutching their temples.

"J'onn?" Aquaman gasped. "Are you?"

"AARGH! SHUT UP!" Cable 77 pounded at his temples. "Must ... concentrate! Must ... resist!"

Der Blitzkrieger smiled nastily.

"Heroes ... kill the telepaths!"

The combined forces of The JLA, The Pantheon and the... uh... JLA, piled onto J'onn. Cable77, meanwhile, was left standing alone in the middle of the street, totally unmolested.

"Hey!" he shouted at the pile of heroes pinning J'onn to the ground. "I'm a telepath too ya' know! Haven't any of you read my 'Who's who'!? Doesn't anyone want to attack me!?"

Cable77 turned to see the rest of his friends in Minuteman advancing towards him, with the same blank stares in their eyes.

"You guys! I knew you wouldn't forget me- HEY! Where are you going! I'm over here!"

Cable77's protest went in vain, as the various members of Minuteman shuffled past towards the Bar & Grill. Realisation dawned on Cable77.

"You're going after the cow!?! But she's only a supporting character! She hasn't even got an entry in the 'Who's who' yet!" he began to tear up a bit. "Doesn't... *sniff* ...anyone *sniff* want to kill me?"

" 'Ello Cable, hey, what's wrong?" said Merlin who, for some reason, had been similarly unaffected by the hypnotic stare.

"Merlin!" said Cable77, grabbing the perplexed mage by his shirt collars, "You'll try and kill me! Won't you!"

"Er... I can't say I'd planned anything along those lines. I suppose I could... er... I don't know, call you nasty names, or something?" replied Merlin.

"No... no, it wouldn't be the same. I... I don't suppose your friend would like to kill me, would she?" said Cable77 hopefully, indicating the woman standing next to Merlin.

"Oh yeah, sorry, I forgot you haven't been introduced. Cable, this is my sister Karyn. Karyn, this is Cable77, the Minutemen's foremost telepath."

"Must... kill... telepaths." said Karyn dully, and leapt at Cable77.

"No! Karyn, don't!" shouted Merlin

"Its O.K!" replied Cable77, as Karyn landed on his back and wrapped her legs round his chest "I don't mind!"

"...?" replied Merlin confused, before he remembered it was Cable77 he was talking too. "Er... watch out for her knives!"

Karyn flicked her wrists and two knives flew out of her sleeves and into her waiting hands. Cable77 grabbed both of her wrists and sent a small TK bolt to knock both the knives away.

"You'll have to do better than that, lady!" he said in his best macho voice.

Karyn head-butted him.

Merlin sighed and turned his back on the brawling pair. One day soon Dom was really going to have to a talk with Cable. At any rate, the hypnosis had obviously dulled Karyn's reflexes (otherwise Cable would be a loose collection of broken body parts by now) and Cable77 wouldn't use lethal force on an unwilling foe, so the two were probably safest if left alone for now. That left the rest of the chaos on J Street to deal with. Cowman and Daisy would probably be O.K in the bar, but he didn't like J'onn's chances, with the combined might of three teams currently in a dog pile on top of him.

Merlin flicked his derringer into his hand and aimed at the pile of heroes.

Just a little energy, he thought to himself, just enough to get their attention.

He pulled the trigger. For a second the derringer, which worked by channeling his own magical charge into blasts of energy, didn't do anything. Merlin had just long enough to realize that if his magic powers had somehow been increasing, the amount of energy the gun channeled would probably be similarly effected.

Then the derringer exploded.

Although the resulting blast did indeed knock the heroes off J'onn (as well as knocking over Der Blitzkrieger, Rhee-P'Hoah a few assorted Para-demons and sending Cap'n Crush' Taxi spinning out of control), it also sent Merlin sailing backwards into the sky. If he'd had a bit longer to think about it, he probably would have screamed.

Inside "What the Frock?"

Amazon was just trying out a new sundress when there was a particularly Loud And Frightful Noise from down the street. She and Diana looked at each other.

"I suppose," she said with a sigh, "we should go see what kind of trouble the boys have gotten into now."

Diana gave one last glance at the sale rack. "You're probably right."

The salesgirl blew a bubble, turned a page in her magazine.

High over J Street

Nick Chase was in the air over Abdul's on his way back into the fray when Merlin came hurtling past with a startled look on his face.

He doesn't look too happy, whoever he is, thought Nick. I wonder if I should catch him.

Very low on J Street

J'onn was down on his hands and knees, his forehead on the ground, a groan barely escaping his lips. Aquaman lay a short distance away, looking even worse off. The remaining Pantheoneers, JLAers, the other JLAers (everybody groans; a heckler in the audience stands up and yells "Enough already!"), and Minutemen were scattered all over the place, dazed from the effects of Merlin's derringer. None of them was in much condition to do anything except moan piteously, like starving kittens left outside in the rain.

Rhee-P'Hoah lay in the middle of it all, the Lance of the Abyss pointed straight at the sky. Funky stars and spirals danced around his head.

Der Blitzkrieger got to his feet, laughing out loud. "Carnage!" he shouted. "Total carnage! Now, mein playtings, crush and destroy! Crush and destroy! CRUSH AND DESTROY!"

Rhee-P'Hoah sat up obediently, aimed the Lance of the Abyss at the scattered bodies of our heroes, and prepared to annihilate them.

Grendel's

Batman sat at a small table in the corner of Grendel's Pond Bar and Grill nursing a glass of milk. The noises outside had kept getting louder and more destructive, but he sat stiffly in his seat, growling to himself, oblivious to anyone around him.

"I am not going out there. I will not babysit a bunch of incompetent amateurs, and I will not put up with their moronic behavior. I have had it with this kind of crass, sales-driven crossover nonsense. I am a serious crime-fighter and I deserve to be treated with some respect. I am not going out there, I am going straight back to Gotham and- "

"Hey Count Chocula!" yelled Timberwolf-By-Night from the bar. "Why don't you shut the [rhymes with duck] up, you [cursed by Jehovah] lunatic!?"

Over J Street

Merlin saw J Street suddenly shoot up over his head and spin wildly as the blurred shapes of rooftops tore past. "Oh [rhymes with trap]," he thought.

Then, just as abruptly, the world stopped rushing by and he was floating in mid-air, unharmed. Nothing seemed to be holding him up.

"Daisy?"

"Just me, pal," said a strange voice. The source of the voice, an unfamiliar man in a bush jacket, was also floating in the air, a short distance away. "Don't try anything funny or I'll drop you."

"Actually," said Merlin, "I think I'm about to throw up."

He immediately proceeded to do so.

Back on the ground

Cap'n Crush skidded, saw the corner of a building coming straight at him, swerved, fishtailed wildly, went up on two wheels, managed to dodge a sentient telephone pole through sheer blind luck, drove straight through a newspaper vending box instead, went for the brake and hit the gas by mistake, was thrown back in his seat, involuntarily yanked the steering wheel hard right, and slammed straight into Der Blitzkrieger, sending him flying headfirst into the front wall of the Testosterone Boys Hardware Store. Ernie flipped onto its side and skidded to a halt, smoke pouring from its demolished front end.

Schweinfraulein, Gunter, and Friedrich (the latter two looking somewhat the worse for wear) came up the street and surveyed the wreckage.

Schweinfraulein shouted something that sounded like "KLOBBERSHTOMPERHAMMERDINGHY!" and her massive maul appeared in her hand. The Vunder Twins struck their fists together and shouted "VUNDERTVINPOWERZAKTIVATE!", and their own weapons appeared as well.

Rhee-P'Hoah, freed from the influence of Der Blitzkrieger, surveyed them. "Well whaddya know! Seems I'm in a bit of a dilemma here! I don't know who to kill first!"

Schweinfraulein looked puzzled. "Ze schuper-heroes, dummkopf!"

Timberwolf-By-Night passed out as Batman returned to his seat.

"two-bit superhero, trying to get a name by insulting me...grumble-grumble"

The Vunder Tvins proceeded to beat the heroes to a bloody pulp. They approached to both JLA teams, Pantheon and other hanger-ons. Every forward step the badguys took, the heroes took a backward one.

"Now that we are out of the nefarious influence of the evil nazi here, what can we do?" asked Superman.

"We can kick those nasty villains's butts, can't we?" Flash itched to cause some damage.

"Yes!" said Aquaman. "We can do that. ...it helps to have quick wits and a good right hook. Which I do. And my left hook isn't bad either."

The DC heroes all looked at Aquaman. "Stop quoting from your pulp annual!""

"Well, excuuuuse me! It's been ages since I've been written properly. I want to show off!" said the Atlantean king of the seas.

"It's unbecoming of a Justice League member to show off in the presence of non-justice leaguers." Said Green Lantern Kyle glancing at the Pantheon members.

"Besides, not all of us can be written by Peter David!" said an embittered Superman.

White Knight was sitting in a chair, not far away from the two warring factions. He saw the evil nazi guys advancing and the other heroes retreating. Slightly, but retreating.

Michael MacTyson took a seat next to him and took a sip from his beer.

"Here you go, Knight. I brought you your ale."

"Thanks!"

They both closed their eyes due to a blue energy flare. "Seems like the one called Superman has taken the lead." White Kight pointed.

"Yeah, but now Schweinfraulein has used her Energy-Soaking-and-Containing-Rubik-Cube and has captured Superman."

"Ah! So I see. And now Amazon and Wonder Woman are joining the fight."

"And what sexy frocks they are wearing"

"Yes. They both have excellent taste in garments."

"Take a look at that! Die-Blitzkrieger has hypnotized them and they are now tending him on hand and foot!"

"Disgusting!"

"You can say that again, pal!"

"So..." White Knight asked "Are we going to join the fray anytime soon?"

"Nah! We've been politely overlooked. You especially."

"And why is that? I'm a powerful warrior that kicked the demon S'ullup of Clarrd and..."

"Hold your horses." They both ducked at a kinetic discharge made by the careening shape of the Flash, which had been rejected by the Vunder Tvins. "Don't forget your origins. You are a resurrected version of a previous hero..."

"But I'm not the same man he was."

"Who cares? And I'm a non-meta with just a gun and a lightsaber." A green glow enveloped the street as the two green lanterns tried to contain the Vunder Tvins, to no avail.

"I see."

"See?" Rhee-P'Hoah used a sentient lamp post to beat redRicky over the head with. "They have everything under control. They don't need us."

"We need help!" screamed Wet Willie.

"Ah, come off it, Willie! We can handle them...aah!" redRicky screamed as Schweinfraulein clobbered him into next tuesday.

Suddenly, the Energy-Soaking-and-Containing-Rubik-Cube which was tied to Schweinfraulein's belt glowed fiercely. Then, it broke into pieces as Superman escaped from it.

Superman proceeded to enlarge his right fist and smacked it into Schweinfraulein's chin. The impact sent her to the friendly sky, as she became a dot, getting smaller and smaller until she disappeared.

"Attaboy, Superman! No one is going to call you an energy-based incompetent, good for nothing, overgrown nerdish boy-scout again!"

"Thanks, Aztek...who called me an energy-based incompetent, good for nothing ,overgrown nerdish boy-scout?"

MacTyson finished his beer. So did White Knight.

"Well, pal. It's time to get our hands dirty and our noses bloody."

"And why is that?"

"Because this thread is about to end and I'd like something more in it besides getting a beating by Batman." He switched his lightsaber from kill to stun and joined the fray.

White Knight summoned his enchanted mace and did the same.

No, his mace does not have a stun switch.

Mere hours ago, the biggest goal for Dom's evening was a long hot bath and a good nights sleep. Mere minutes ago her goal changed to surviving an attack from a hell hound known as a ChiWowWow, now mere seconds ago her goal changed once again, now she just wants to kill her little sister. You see, out of nowhere the Pantheon and several groups of other heroes appeared to confront some evil guy with a really bad accent, his name is Der Blitzkrieger. The villain somehow managed to hypnotize the non psionic heroes into killing their psionic teammates. And for a team full of redundant powers like the Minutemen, that spells nothing but trouble.

Del was running for her life, not from some nasty villain, or from her studies, not even from usual tormentor, her eldest sister, Silver Fox. She was running from her beloved Onesan, her teacher, her role model, and her older sister, Dom. One second Del was standing at Dom's side as most of the heroes were confronted by Der Blitzkrieger and the next she was dodging fire from Dom. Why? All because her powers were psionic and Dom knew it. Now as she hid in the alley behind the J-Street Arms Hotel, she was praying to the Almighty, the Bright Lady, and to anyone else who would listen that her sister would return to normal... And then she heard steps and here sister yelling.

"Come on out Imoto, we have much to talk about! Like about how behind you are behind your studies. Disgracing your entire family"

Del shuttered as she heard a blast not too far from her hiding spot.

"Or how before you were born, I was the one who got all of Okasan's attention! Now I'm overlooked middle child!"

Another blast even closer...

"Or how about the fact that I still owe you pay back after what you did to me back on Megami, and how you were the accomplice to them branding me!!!"

Then before Del could scream she was facing Dom, her body crackling with energy.

"Don't worry Del, I'll make this as quick as possible."

Del's life flashed before her eyes, and right after that last episode of ER she watched, she felt something familiar in the air.

* BBBZZZZTTTT!!!*

"AAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!"

"Well it's about time!!!!" Del yelled as she hid behind her savior, " I've been calling for your help for the past 15 minutes!!!"

"Well I told you never to interrupt me during Days. I had to wait for a commercial." Silver Fox responded, "So we better make this quick, it's about to come on again."

Dom stood facing the building as the dust settled expecting to see her sister's remains, but all she saw a huge gapping whole that went clear though the back and front of the J-Street Arms Hotel. She turned around to see both of her sisters, Del hiding behind Silver Fox who had obviously teleported Del just in the nick of time.

Silver Fox stated, "Sorry Dom, if you wanna kill the brat, your going to have get through me."

"I don't see how that is problem." Dom responded once again powering up.

But before Dom could fire once again Foxy managed to cast a spell on her sister. But never did she expect what happened next. As the Spell made its way towards Dom, it grew stronger and stronger, and by the time it hit Dom, it also took most of the first floor of the Hotel.

"Almighty, Foxy! Did you have to hit her so hard!?!" Del said running towards the rubble.

Foxy just stood there in amazement, "I didn't mean... to..."

Rummaging through the debris Del started to get frantic...

"Foxy!"

"Del, I don't know what I did! Honest! The spell wasn't supposed to work that way!" Stated Fox also upset.

"Foxy..." Del said holding back the tears, "I can't find Dom..."

Meanwhile, Back on J Street:

WHAM! Boof! KA-POW!! SMACK BAMMO! Slam. KERPLOT! BABOOOOMMM!!! Tink. CRASH! OOOOF! WHACK! Zowie! kaWHAMMO! Sploof! Yowza! BONK!! @#$%! ZAP! POOF! BANG! Splash! D'OH! OW! ZOOOOOM! BAMF! Uh-oh. BOOOOOM!

I was going to write this incredibly exciting, mind-blowing fight scene that would keep you all on the edges of your seats, but then I thought, "hey, why bother, they've all seen enough fight scenes by now to know how they work!" So instead I decided to write this metatextual post-modern fight scene and let you guys fill in the blanks. Pretty clever, huh?

Del, losing her composure more and more every second, frantically burrowed through the dust and rubble seeking any sign of her ordinarily kind-hearted onesan, Dom, who had been turned into a bloodthirsty psionic-sister-killer by the evil Der Blitzkrieger. As Del threw broken bricks and splintered two-by-fours into the air, Silver Fox stood several feet behind, wondering what went wrong with her spell. She'd only meant to stun her hypnotized sister to keep her from harming Del, but now Dom was buried, hopefully at least partially alive, under the weight of a crumbled hotel.

"For Almighty's sake, Foxy," Del cried to her oldest sister, "why are you just standing there?!? Help me find Dom!" Before Foxy could move to help her baby sister, a deep, loud rumbling shook the ground beneath them. Something in the back of Foxy's head told her to get Del away from the wreckage. *Now.*

"Del...I think you need to get out of there..." The rumbling got louder and the shaking more violent, so that it was hard for Foxy to stay on her feet. Taking to the air, she grabbed Del and pulled her away from the pile of debris just as Dom burst out from under it like a missile. "Get behind me, Imoto," Foxy said, assuming a fighting position.

"Foxy!"

"What?!"

"You called me 'Imoto!' You never do that."

"Yeah, so? Just shut up and get behind me, or *I* may decide to kill you!"

Dom hovered above her sisters, body lit up like a star, violent energy flowing in and out of her. "Foxy," she said in a voice that was hardly her own, "I don't want to hurt you. It's the brat I want. Step aside!"

"Not on your life! Dom, I know that's not you talking! You don't want to hurt either of us, and we don't want to hurt you (again)!"

"Well we don't always get what we want, do we? Hold still." Dom raised a hand to blast them both away with an energy spell....

" WAIT! " Del's voice seemed unusually loud. She stepped out from behind Foxy and looked straight into her eyes (as much as she could from the ground, anyway) "Onesan, listen! Don't you remember, after I was born, Okasan made you and Foxy both promise to always take care of me?"

Dom did not answer but raised an eyebrow at her sister.

"And then after I was old enough Okasan made me promise to always respect my sisters?"

Dom still said nothing.

"Well you're making it awful hard with all this killing me business, but I still respect you, Dom!"

Foxy caught on to Del's ruse. "Yeah! And color me crazy, but threatening bodily harm certainly doesn't seem like taking care of the little brat!" Foxy picked Del up and flew upwards so that the little goddess was at eyelevel with her possessed sister.

"Dom, don't you think Okasan would be very upset with you? I mean, you're supposed to be protecting me and all and here you are trying to kill me!" Foxy saw Dom's glazed-over eyes clear up a little and her stone-hard face soften a bit. "Keep it goin', kid, I think it's working!" she whispered.

"Poor Okasan must be looking down at us and thinking, 'O Bright Lady! I am so upset with my daughters! Why are they killing each other when they should be loving each other and protecting each other?' "

Dom broke at the mention of her mother's disappointment. She sobbed and sobbed like a baby. "I didn't mean it, Okasan! I wasn't *really* going to kill them! Honest!"

The air-borne goddesses drifted back down to Earth. Del put her arm around her sister. "There there, Onesan, I'm sure Okasan will forgive you, after all you *were* hypnotized!"

Dom sniffled. "How'd you do that, Imoto?"

"I figured if that old 'Megami mind trick' could work on evil clones, why not brainwashed sisters?" Del took a deep breath. "But it sure drained me! I have a horrible migraine...."

"I doubt you could do it again, then, huh? The other heroes are still attacking the rest of the telepaths!"

"Let me check.................no. But maybe, if we can get the other telepaths to try un- hypnotizing the others? It might work...."

"Let's go then! I hope there are still telepaths left! Those Blitzkrieger-induced kill impulses are mighty strong!"

The author of this chapter would like to apologize for the immense *mushiness* of this chapter. Thank you. :-)

After being so shook up after nearly killing her sister and wondering what was going on with her own powers, Foxy decided to go and get a drink and do some thinking.

She entered the bar and motioned to the Human Lava Lamp to bring her a drink.

"um, I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you pay your tab" Human Lava Lamp handed Foxy a bill.

"WHAT!!!???"

"This can't be right."

Then a shock of realization came across Foxy's face.

"Merlin!!"

Her eyes glazed over red in fury "when I get my hands on him....."

The J Street Theater

: WHAM! Boof! KA-POW!! SMACK BAMMO! Slam. KERPLOT! BABOOOOMMM!!! Tink. CRASH! OOOOF! WHACK! Zowie! kaWHAMMO! Sploof! Yowza! BONK!! @#$%! ZAP! POOF! BANG! Splash! D'OH! OW! ZOOOOOM! BAMF! Uh-oh. BOOOOOM!

As the credits began rolling, Night-Mope stood up and stretched. "Looks like the fanboys were right!" he said to his movie-going partner. "Schumacher's Batman films are getting way too much like the old TV show. That one was practically nothing but sound effects!

"Well, my old bones are plenty rested now. I just needed to catch my second wind! What say we go back and check on the battle?"

"Okay!" answered Impulse.

Picking at the popcorn hulls in their teeth, the heroic pair sauntered out onto J Street, where the JLAs (insert tired punchline here), the Minutemen and the J Street Task Force - oh, um, and the Pantheon - were still struggling heroically against Rhee-P'Hoah, Schweinfraulein and the Vundertwins.

"Sakes alive!" Night-Mope whistled. "I can't believe this fight is still going on! All these heroes should have been more than a match for a few tired ol' Nazis and a fake Kirby villain!"

"Yeah!" Impulse agreed.

"Son, help me out here! I'm going to distract the big guy, and you grab that lance away from him, then bring it back to me... okay?"

"Okay!"

Night-Mope cupped his hands in front of his mouth. "Say, isn't that Granny Goodness?" he yelled.

Rhee-P'Hoah jumped and looked around wildly, fear in his eyes. Impulse shot past him and returned to Night-Mope with the Lance of the Abyss.

The forgotten Golden Ager cocked the Lance... "Hope this works like I remember..." and set it on "LOW", then fired four massive shock blasts at the super-villains.

Rhee-P'Hoah and the steroid-enhanced Bundists dropped like ninepins... or is it tenpins? Well, anyway there were only four of them so they were more like four pins... well, anyway, they dropped. Merlin quickly ensorceled them and Der unconscious Blitzkrieger with Moulton's Sigil of Unbreakable but Distinctly Non-Titillating Bondage to ensure their safekeeping.

"Excellent work, Night-Mope!" Superman said, patting him on the back. "Maybe we should have a Golden Age hero in the League!"

"Maybe you could get the Golden Age Hawkman to re-join, nudge nudge, wink wink," Buried Alien cut in. "Ow!" he added, as J'onn kicked him in the shin at Martian-speed.

Unnoticed by everyone, Batman stood watching from a shadowy doorway. "I could have done that!" he sniffed, to no one in particular. "If I felt like it!"

Vixen, her hearing as sharp as the sharpest animal's, whipped around and glared at him. "Shut up, Batman!" she snapped. "Don't you make us girls come over there and kick your rich boy behind!"

"Oh, as if!" Batman blustered.

"Oh, yes, we heard about your little demonstration," Vixen continued. "How about we give you a demonstration of our own?"

She, Black Canary, Dr. Light and Power Girl (Zatanna was huddled, snoring, on a doorstep) took a few threatening steps in Batman's direction. The Darknight Detective wavered for a moment, then quickly cast a bat-line and swung off, muttering about adding Vixen to his super-senses muffling device.

Night-Mope said to the JLA Estrogen Brigade, "You know, if you ladies would like to stop by my costume and supply shop, Hero Heaven, I think I can fix you up so you don't look quite so much like strippers. You too, ma'am," he added, turning to Wonder Woman. "Amazon or no, you'll catch one heck of a cold running around wearing just that red-gold-and-blue belt!"

"Sounds good!" said Black Canary. "But no fishnets! ("Awwwwww!" whined most of the men present.) I don't think we want to rejoin the JLA anyway - I've had it up to here with Silver Age nostalgia!"

"I wish we could just hang out here," said Dr. Light. Everyone stared at her, as she hadn't expressed an opinion in years. "These people remind me of the Giffen League. You know - when it was still good!"

"Should they be doing this?" Borelli whispered.

"What?" asked Amazon.

"Breaking the fourth wall so much..."

"Don't worry," said Grendel. "It's J Street talking. They won't remember a thing when they get back to their isolated corner of the multiverse."

"Why do you people keep forgetting?" asked MacTyson. "We've got 13 ChiWowWows and 13 giant cans of RC Cola to send back to Apokolips!"

"Yeah, that's right! Let's go whup some ChiWowWows!" cried redRicky. "whoops!" he added as Power Girl turned and stared at him, her lower lip trembling.

"Don't forget all the dancing Parademons!" DaDamerican, Kung Fu, Bassmaster, Girl Man, and Flotarr chimed in, all determined to be mentioned by name at least once more before the end of the story.

"Yeah," added White Knight, kevrhon, Dom, Del, Karyn, Nick, Chihuahua-Lad, Red Monster, Cap'n Crush, the... ah, the heck with it!

"There are just way too many characters in this story!" the Scarlet Dragon moaned, frantically scribbling notes and checking off a list.

Just then...

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

"Enough with the frickin' Boom Tubes already!" Wet Willie screamed, clapping both hands over his ears. The others tensed for a renewed battle, then just stared, open-mouthed.

First out of the tube were the hordes of Parademons. Dressed in flowing, gauzy saffron robes, they moved quietly through the crowd of super-heroes handing out daisies and murmuring, "Darkseid is Love!" in gentle voices.

Following the Parademons, the thirteen giant cans of RC Cola rode astride thirteen tail-wagging ChiWowWows, who immediately sat quietly in a circle. One of the cola cans wore a bumper sticker that said, "Mean People Suck!"; another, "Practice Random Acts of Kindness and Senseless Beauty."

Last out were Dr. New G. Od, resplendent in his red, green and yellow executive finery, and Darkseid, who, like the Parademons, wore a simple, drapey orange robe. His craggy mouth was turned up in an unaccustomed beatific smile; he bore a startling resemblance to one of those yellow smiley buttons from the '70s!

"Relax, gang!" Newg called out to the crowd. "I've had some very productive sessions with Darkseid, and he's rethought his whole approach to life - or Anti-Life, as it were."

Darkseid regarded everyone with a warm smile. "I'm taking the Parademons back to Apokolips. We're going to set up a collective and meditate on the location of the Anti-Hate Equation. Peace be with you, friends!"

The Happy Lord of Apokolips and his pleasant minions vanished into another

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!

.

"When will you people learn?" Dr. Od asked, making a "tsk"ing sound with his tongue. "You can't solve every problem with violence!"

Power Girl, who had upended and drained a giant Diet RC, decked him.

"Suppherin' Sappho!" Wonder Woman exclaimed. "I don't think John Byrne is going to like this one bit!"

(A special L'il Corrie (like Shirley Temple's Oscar) to hellgirl for Outstanding Achievement in Sound Effects and Tedious HTML Coding!)