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HOW TO SURVIVE PART 2: Arcades.
Arcades for the sane are places of relaxation, where you can let all your daily troubles onto a games machine for the sake of one measly quid. But oh no, someone or something, will try to spoil your fun. Be it your wallet, or a nearby Puffy Jacket....
Getting into an Arcade is easy, but you must first make sure you arn't wearing embarrasing clothing to attract Puffy's attention. Infact, if you can find the money for a Kappa Jacket, all the better. And take ready made change, so you won't have to use the change kiosk. Also bring some body protection....
Once you have entered the games emporium, take a look around and decide which games machine deserves your attention. Find this games machine quickly, and use your instincts. If someone is on this machine already, bager him/her. If Puffy, go "Oh this unsafe geezer has been sorting this machine for a while, maaaaaannn". This is puffy slang for "Get off you git". The Puffy will then reply, if you came with the prepared Kappa Jacket, the Puffy will appove and befriend you. If not however, trust your body protection.....
Anouther hurdle to jump over in the world of life at Arcades is the Fruit machine. Do not touch these monstrosites, as they will take your money. Leave them, don't go near them. Not even the 2p ones. Just don't do it. But be free to laugh at any Puffy losing money, use slang like "He's lost money, Wicked lose Man". The Puffy will then join in with you, by saying "You dissen my lose man?". You can then reply "Yeah man, I'm dissen. But your so unsafe with yer lossen, I'll help you win man. For I have a wicked track record" The Puffy will then give you £3. Pocket it, and put 2p's in instead. Look dissapointed, and claim the machine is not working. Then walk off making out your busy, and use the money for other things. Free £3! (See above incase of punch-up...)
If you get beaten by a certain machine, claim to the man at the change counter that it has swallowed up your money. He will then kindly remove it for you, no questions asked. Though I don't reccommend you doing this again and again and again, you would probably be thrown out. (See above...)
Finally, in the case of walking into a group of puffys, and coming out with a normal english comment, then run. Just Run. And never come back. You know its bad for you anyway, these Arcades......
By PAndroid. Written 2/4/98.