If Games Machines were Human.....

How the do your bidding. Oh how. They just sit their. Not opening their cd drives/cartridge slots to tell you what a prat you are. But imagine if they did. What would they be like? Who knows? Who knows anything? PAndroid confuses.

(For idiot purposes, this is set in a club, mostly)

Playstation Bloke:
Playstation Bloke would be well known in the area. He wouldn't be the best looking, but everyone would be oddly drawn to the man. At the bar in the club, he would by everyone rather cheap drinks, most of which tasting like piss-in-a-glass. No one can exactly remember why they like him, except that he buys everyone a drink. No one who likes him can remember the quality, however.

Playstation Man constantly scowls at N64 man, and uses "hip" language like "Wicked" and "PaRappa The Rappa". You may find him oggling someone called Lara Croft, who has pointy tits. This is normal.

Playstation Man can also guszzle tonnes and tonnes of food, and not get fat. It's all he ever talks about. And if you push him enough times on the dance floor, he starts to vibrate horribly, and falls into and epileptic fit. After a while he has to walk upside down to stay alive

Mr PS Man can not speak any other language, other than where he was born, until he is fitted with a new vocal chord. Since this is illegal, it has to be done down the back streets of Brixton.

Most Likely to say: "Wow man, get a load of me, I'm wicked. Wicked"

Nintendo 64 Bloke:
Nintendo 64 bloke is well known and liked, but he can never beat PS Man. He is much better looking than PS Man, but resembles a short, fat, Italian plumber. His girlfriends name is Princess Daisy, who walks around in a Pink Dress. No one seems to notice this.

Mr N64 dosn't buy many women drinks, but when he does, they are usually of the highest price. Sometimes, however, they taste like Pond Water. The great "Bombercola" is an example of this.

N64 Bloke can't eat much food at all, before becoming horribly obese. His face also appears horribly blurry, but he says "It's just that anti-alais-ing creme I've been using."

Mr N64 happens to be a lot younger than PS Man. PS Man is the oldest of them all.

Most likely to say: "Were's 64DD gone?"

PC Man:
PC Man is much more posher than the other two. He reads GQ, not FHM. He has a lot more money, his drinks don't taste great or bad. But PC Man does more than just go to clubs. Oh no, he also plays tennis, uses a phone, can write you letters and even use a calculator. PC Man worships the religion of Microgod, and his holiness Bill Gates.

PC Man has a habit of ageing quickly. If he dosn't shove new kidneys down his throught every two weeks, he gets older by 25 years. If he forgets again, he curls up and dies.

Now and again, PC Man will fall to the floor and cry. Oddly, no one will notice.

Most likely to say: "But I can play sport!"

Saturn Man:
Saturn man is a lonely man. The English hate him, but the Japanese keep taking photos of him. Even though he's bought some rather nice drinks, no one cares. He's the ugliest of the 4, and the one with the worst voice. He only ever talks about his smaller brother "Dreamboy", which he says will be "A great lad, he". But no one cares. Except ALL MIGHTY GOD Bill Gates. Sigh

Most likely to say: "Damn Mr PS!"

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