Death of Beret: The Funeral

Only last week one of our pillars of society died. It seems, like a lifetime. AND NOW YOU CAN WATCH THE WHOLE EVENT LIVE ON BACK ROW 67!!!! Ahem. PAndroid offends.

Date: 6/7/98

Location: "Funeral-you-like, Soho, London"

Order of service:

Body of Beret passed into church
Erm
Well....
Elton John sings an old song with 2 lines changed in honour of our Beret.
Speech by Mr Biffo of the Digitiser Family.
A Song Will Be Sung.
The Lighthouse Family perform their new single "Lost in Space".
Chris De Beurg Mouths.
Tony Blair tells us how he was "The People's Hat"
William Hauge just sits there.
Erm....
Everyone goes to pub next door and gets pissed out of their head.
Yeah.

Guestlist:

Bill Clinton
The Spice Girls
David "Nigel No Friends" Beckham
William "No one likes me" Hauge
Tony "My best friend's Des O'Conner" Blair
Elvis
Diana, Prinohshit......
Sir Elton John
John "No one can remeber my name" Major
The 5 guys from 5ive
The England Football Team
The Tunisian Football Team (0-2)
The Anglo-Franco-Tuninsian Hooligan Team
Bob Dole
Phil Gayle from THE BIG BREAKFAST
Dale Winton
Chris De "Fucking Boring Person" Burge
Saddam Hussain
Saddam Hussain No2
Saddam Hussain No3
Bigari
Arce
Err, that's it

Trans Scripts of Speaches:

Tony Blair: "He was the peoples politician. He was much better than me. Soooo better. I love him. By the way, the england side this week played rather well, and should of won. Damn them Argentina! We've still got the Falkland Islands! Hahahahahahahahahahahaha("Slap" - Top Agentinian Premier Bloke) Oh yes. Good on 'em."

Chris De Boring: "Though I did not know him, I am about to sing Lady In Red [Church empties]. Oh Bumph"

Err, god what's his name? Ah, that bloke that runs the tory party: "He was an adrupt arsehole. Look, I'm mooning. Look at me! I said Look at ME! [Onlookers completly miss him, and find the water fountain more exciting]"

After the funeral:

All programming has been cancelled, so you can watch more bits of the funeral, and err, watch the funeral again. And again. And again. And if you want, you can watch highlights on BBC 2 at 10:15pm.

If you would like to send money to the Pink Beret fund, then please write to:

Moneygrabbers Utd.
20 Somewhere
Mangotsfield
Sweden
And we'll see what we can do with your cheque.