Zimacs, the eternally crap mail & news reader. Availible from Zetnet. Don't buy it......

page170 SPECIAL: THE INTERVIEW WITH GOD(alais MrBiffo)

Well here it is. Finally. After all this waiting, and sending to the wrong Email addy, I recived the email from him on Tuesday. Since I was uploading something else on Wendsday, I lined it up for the Weekend update. It will answer some of the sceptics of digi's questions, and baffle most other human types. Stuff in italics are the original questions from me, stuff not is the reply from biffo and anything in (brackets) is a comment.....

Usuall blurb first: How did you get involved in Digi?

I was already working at Teletext as their one and only design person, when I got friendly - in a non-biblical sense - with the guy who was working on the games page which was planned for the teenagers' magazine. Sensing the opportunity to get my writing oar waxed, I pointed out that an entire section dedicated to games would be a rather good idea, and they agreed - so long as I wrote it, on top of everything else I was already doing, along with Mr Hairs - the existing writer. Hairs didn't object as, by his own admission, he knew nothing about games, whereas I did. Also, I couldn't write, and he could. A winning combination!
(Well I had to ask, didn't I? No Biffo/Digi interview would be complete without a bio)

What other Video Games related stuff had you worked on before Digi?

Nothing. Before working at Teletext I worked on the Wembley Stadium scoreboard, "doing" scores and animations which read "Gooooooaaal" when Croatia scored, and that. I was given free reign to design my own promotional animations and stuff. They banned a "NO SMOKING" animation I did which featured a character called "Salt Water Man".
(Hasn't lost his touch, has he?)

What other Video Game related stuff do you work on ATM?

Currently doing the odd bit for PC Zone, and I had some stuff in PC Gamer recently. So, as you might guess, that Ring Sir the other week wasn't performed on either of them. But I don't want to focus too heavily on games, as it would detract from my dream of being a midget farmer.
(So who did he do the ringsir on then? My guess is something else-zone, but minds in a lock at present....)

More involving Questions: Are Gossi & Fat Sow real people?

Yes, and no. They're real people in as much as I believe they are real, but this is in spite of what others tell me.
(I think everyone's guessed by now that FS & Gossi must be Biffo letting off steam. But he won't own up to it....)

Have you really been threatend with Court Action (as you've mentioned now and again.......) because of the actions of Fat Sow and why?

Yes, but they were never genuine threats.
(Oh....)

What Games mags did/do you idolise (e.g YS, AP etc)?

I'm too old, tired and cynical to idolise anyone.

Do you have a copy of the last issue of YS?

No. Though I used to have a caravan at the bottom of my parent's garden, which I used as a sort of sex den. I kept my games mags down there, but they all got damp and went rotten. I have vivid memories of a sopping wet and mouldy YS[we're talking about Young Stitch-worker, right?].

If so, could I have it for £15? :)

Yes.
(Bugger......)

Do you find Digi's cult following scary?

It's terrifying, and utterly inexplicable all at the same time. We seem to provoke extreme reactions in people - the sign of a true cult. It's always baffling where these 1.5 million viewers come from, but who are we to dispute official N.O.P viewing figures? And stuff.
(1.5 viewers may mean people that have had a passing glance at it. But I think it's more than that. Digi seems to reach the parts of the general public that other magazines can't)

Do you find James Dove scary?

I've paid practically no attention to the whole James Dove thing. It's all rather irrelevent, no? The whole alt.digitiser thing is wearying in the extreme.
(Things have gotten better, though)

How did Bunderman get onto Panel 4?

The previous writer was asked to step down. Leslie Bunder was asked to step up by the gentlemen at Teletext.
(For ppl who don't read a.d, the general concensus is that the bloke from Loaded had to leave because of difficultys with the Teletext ppl. E.g one of his P4's were posted though the teletext letter box, half finished and wet though. Anyone with anymore info? If you do, could you email me it. I would like to include this in the WTF?.

How much control does Teletext have over the magazine? (don't worry if you can't answer that)

Well, ultimately, they have total control. The buck stops with them, and as you'd expect they don't want anything remotely dodgy going on the section. We had the word "crap" edited out the other week, and one time a whole Ring-Sir! was pulled at 4.15pm on a Friday afternoon. But mostly they just don't "get" Digi, and leave us be.
(This is strange, as recently the word "fanny" escaped onto the pages of Planet Sound, Digitiser's sister Music mag, during a review of Pulp's THIS IS HARDCORE. Editing the word "crap" though is a bit immature, in my opinion)

Ego Booster: Do you read page170 regulary?

I've seen it, but I'm a phenomenally busy person, and through work and illness (much of Digi has been written under a blanket of poor health this year - and yes, I'm quite concerned that the quality has suffered), I haven't watched it regularly. But I do dip in from time to time.
(See all you idiots that want digi to preform miracles. He's been ill, see? Nice to know he reads it, though.....)

Like it? :))

What I've seen has certainly stroked my ego sack, and it's always nice when people think you're great enough to attempt to emulate you. I'm all for it - you have my blessing, child.
(Me? Emulating Mr Biffo? No, surly not.... And I'm not a child, I think.......)

More stuff: Faverite Character?

Either the late Doctor Derek Doctors, whose sinister ramblings led to his axing, and a character called Puckles The Cuckold, who was axed for similar reasons of bad taste. And I've a soft spot for Morse And Lewis, though I'm careful not to over-use them.
(Maybe Digi should be 18 certed so we could read all this.....)

Least fave?

The Man has been a real chore to write of late. It's very, very difficult to think up witty, ironic and amusing stories when you feel like you're dying. Hopefully it'll pick up soon - the Man's following wouldn't let us axe him. Despite pointless rumours there was no need to fix any polls.
(See, no fixes! There is a man fanclub somewhere, somewhere.....)

Any clues to the future of the digi website?

I've had a meeting with them, and there are plenty of ideas on the drawingboard. I basically want to tie it more into the regular Digi mag, while stressing the fun angle with stupid Talc The Puffy Jacket-style games, more screenshots, downloadable demos and stuff. The whole of Digi won't ever get teleported on the Web, however. Frankly, what would be the point, other than to appease filthy students who can't buy proper tellies, yet can afford a computer which allows them to hook up to the Internet?
(That's the students told. Hopefully the Digi site will turn into one of the best games site's on the net. Hopefully....)

Were you personally appalled by the "engine" that the webmaster had set up for you?

Well, it's bad that it's fallen into such a state of disrepair, but the rest of Teletext On The Web takes precedence over some scabby games section, don't you think?
(Very true....)

Did you complain?

I pointed out that it wasn't working. But they're very nice people.

How much of the Letters sent in don't actully get broadcast? (Give me a percentage :) )

I've no idea. I don't choose the letters, believe it or not - I just answer them. Compared to mags, though, we do get a phenomenal amount of letters, so quite a few I imagine - I know a lot of them are unreadable rubbish.
(So anyone that thinks that they always get printed because Biffo likes them has got it oh so wrong (and I'm still waiting for my female puffy jacket letter to get onto 174....))

Do you chuck Amiga moaners letters now or are they just not being sent in anymore?

Both. Probably.
(None in a.d yet. /me thinks they all went home and gave up...)

Most annoying poster?

You mean, like, posters that go on the wall? In which case none - all posters are great!
(Not exactly what I had in mind.....)

Did you have any ideas for digi that were flushed because of space probs?

Yes, but I can't think of any off hand. It's more funny stuff that I decide not to use for reasons of taste. I do miss the whole fake ads thing, but the management had concerns over them, which I was happy to accept.
(Fake ads were good. Shame. Could do a few on p170..)

Do you think Digi could continue on a format other than Teletext? [AKA TV,Paper, Web, Digi-text......]

Well, paper-based Digi has been mooted several times - I actually got a call from James Binns at Future recently, who was the most recent to suggest it. He promised to get back to me the next day after discussing it with his superiors. That was, ooh, four months ago now, and I've yet to hear from the ginger bunter.
(Paper Based Digi would be a great idea. Future should get the rights before someone else does....)

Is Digitiser really as disrespected as digi makes out?

Generally, yeah, but we have our allies within the games industry. Mostly the problem is with po-faced PR types who just take themselves too seriously. There's one particular person at one particularly large games publisher who I really, really, really want to kill.
(I guess at E.A, being the largest in the world at the moment....)

Dissapointed with alt.digitiser?

Yes, immensely. It's all so banal.
(It's definitly has gotten better in the last couple of weeks)

And Finally, will there be a Super-text (digital tv) version of Digitiser?

I would hope so, but Digitiser is one of the only parts of Teletext that the firm isn't contractually obliged to carry, so, frankly, they could decide to get rid of it in favour of some pictures of a horse.
(Horse's can be intresting I suppose, but then that's gambling....)

END OF INTERVIEW

Paul Rose is just a man doing his job. He's human like the rest of us (except for the odd Search Engine Bot), and as most humans do at this time of year, he got the dreaded flu. It seems a bit silly that only 2 people run the daily magazine, maybe he should enlist the services of Stu Campbell a bit more until he recovers. But I still like the Digi all the same...