Microsoft: Where do we want to use Vaporware as evidence in a court of law today?
Microsoft: Where do we want to use Vaporware as evidence in a court of law today?
Put together by PAndroid. Dated 13/8/98. Good E!THE DAILY LOWLINE (by Thrillo and co)
In a whole new irregular feature, PAndroid guides us though his deeply satirical brain. With the help of Thrillo and Co.
HEADLINE: Milk being tested for cow genes Ministers today have relieved that they are testing normally doorstop delivered milk for various cow genes. Newspapers-with-nothing-better-to-do have already claimed that this will lead to a mass of people running around going "Moo". Ministers claim this is nonsense, and have "reassured" the public that this is only possible after the consumption of British Beef. Our Experts say "Eat Mince!"
HEADLINE: Parliament to close, says Gordon Brown Gordon Brown made a dramatic U-turn yesterday and sacked everyone in government, blaming it to the "strength of the pound".and "a ressession in manufacturing idiot politicians". However, Mr Brown only realised he didn't have the power to carry out this task after Mr Blair replied to the announcement with: "I completely agree". Plans have now been put on hold.
HEADLINE: Prince Harry seen jumping off Eiffel Tower Tiggy Legg Burke really pushed her luck today, as she let /poor/ Prince Harry jump off the Eiffel Tower ALL ON HIS OWN! Bitch! Cow! Slapper! How could she let a future head of state do this? Traitorous bitch! Slapper!
HEADLINE: BBC calls on-line department "quite nice actually, the future of ceefax" BBC Managers this week hailed BBC On-line as a success, and claimed that "It's quite nice actually". Some representatives took computers and modems into their arms, and embraced them. Others completely denied the claim that one rather mad BBC Executive ran up to a young BBC On-line girl going "The Net's crap." Instead the man claimed he was just "being funny. Didn't you get the joke? Don't you read Viz man?"
HEADLINE: Media to be curbed on Paedophile releases The Daily Lowline and other various papers have been accused of whipping up Public anger at Paedophile's being released into the public at large. We completely deny this accusation. Disgusting.
HEADLINE: GET OUT YOUR GUNS! It's kill the Paedophile time! Us at the Daily Lowline are telling YOU! The British public, to get out your guns and aim them at William Hague, as he is a Paedophile! We know this because, well, erm. Err. But aim at him anyway! Don't drown him, but soak his body in sickly acid and throw him away. Hahahahahahahaha. Yes.
Finally, a word from our cool colonist, Mr Blue Beret:
"Hello my friends,
In the past week there has been some tomfoolery about the high value of the pound. Well, I am here to reassure you that now one, not anyone, will suffer from this on going problem.
YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR JOBS ALL YOU COMMONERS!
Thank you. Now where's my pay rise?"
Finally, The SPORTS RESULTS, with Bob Wilson [unconfirmed, it may be Bernard Manning. Not sure.] Didn't England do F*CKING CRAP in the 5th test this week? Bloody hell I thought they would win the thing at one point. Ho ho ho ho, merry Christmas. And welcome to the uber-sports results.
But it's not like being a groom at a wedding and running off with the Best man is it? Nowhere f*cking near. Well, they did so well together. I love Gay Marriages. My best mates a Gay Marriage("That's enough Satire" - The Sub Ed)