Difficult week for Satire, this

THE DAILY LOWLINE #2

More from the made up newspaper. Paul of Agincourt "writes"

HEADLINE: Let E.Coli live, campaigners scream

As the report into the worst ever E.Coli outbreak is published, members of the "Rights for Micro-Organisms" have been protesting outside Abbey Road. They claim that the Micro Organism is rarely looked after by the people of the nation, and lives and feels just like any of us. Leader, Beck Teria says "If Liam Gallager has a right to vote, than why not the normal bacterim or Virus". The 90's equiviliant of the Chartists are demanding Votes for all bacterium over the age of 3 hours, Special Toilets and the right to stand as a complete twat.

HEADLINE: American poll says "The one about the servey is our faverite"

The American people have stood up against the president with jokes, JD Flower claims. In a servey of over 10 very american brizilians, 90% said the joke about the servery of american women was definitly the funniest. The other 10& liked the one about the Northern Ireland Political Position, though said they would never try it on with him. No one laughed. Unfortuntly. Sigh.

HEADLINE: Television Nasty South Park to be "re-launched"

After intense speculation and pressure from Newspapers-that-don't-have-lives and various US Christian TV channels, the makers of South Park, Comedy Central, have admitted that their show is "Disgusting, foul mouted, unbroadcastable". The Director of the company said "I'm asamed by everything about the cartoon. Which means I'll take it, shove it into a retainer and create a new series called Bitch Mouth Killers In Sudan". The reaction to this news is warm, though many said "Wuh?".

HEADLINE: Clinton's hair "The Same Style as when he shagged Monica"

Special Pedantic Twat Kenneth Starr has produced more evidence that proves that Clinton is now wearing the same haircut as he did when he was having an affair with Miss Monica Lewinsky. He also claims that he was wearing the same hands, legs, arms and eyes. Critics are saying it's simply a "Cynical Ploy, he never has those". The President of the Dis-United States will address the nation at 10:00EDT tonight, cutting his limbs and hair in the process. Hilary says "I love him!"

HEADLINE: BBC makes re-think in NEWS 24 ident

The BBC will relaunch it's BBC NEWS 24 logo soon. It's flags were critizied for being "too damn expensive". Instead a lonely pensioner will stand infront of a camera life thoughout the day, and simply hum the BBC signature tune, taking itself to new levels in lowness. John Birt says "It's a repensentation of the BBC today. We're living in great times!"

HEADLINE: Diana C5 drama approved by Royals

(from our Entertainment correspondent)

Last night, the Royals said they LOVED the Channel 5 documentay into Diana. They said it portayed Diana VERY well. Oh lovely. They're lovely people arn't they?!!?!?!?! Clueless, but absolutly adorable!! A year after as well, christ, dosn't take that long to become idiot liars! Ah ha!

Finally, a word from this weeks Polomist, Mr Blue Beret

"Mr Bill Clinton has things to think about this week. He should place his ties more well, for example. And not talk to his wife in such a manner to make her love him even more. You know what I tell her? I tell her that I love the american people as much as he does. But.

HE'S OWES ME BIG. HE HARRASSED ME! I'LL SUE!"

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