"History Has Been Made" Said 89[ish] times on Good Friday, 1998. Ugh....

Oxygen Kills! A report by Mr.Thrills.

Every Day, of Every Month, of Every Eartly Year, Oxygen kills. And there's no way to avoid it. It's everywhere, on Street Corners, in Houses, even your local Shopping Center. We have proof that this deadly gas is less useful than we first thought. Yes.

To get to the cause of this deadly drug, we had to go down onto the streets man. Yo. We spoke to several serial killers on our travells. All of them said they were breathing at the time of killing innocent subjects. This is more than conincidence, direct blame can be put on oxygen. Oxygen entices people to be evil, and kill.

But it's not just the mentally derranged that this "Clean Air" had an effect on. We carried out a servey in association with J.D Mower, on 10 primary schools in the Bristol Area. The results were shocking. 56% told us that they took the gas. The other 42% said they took regulary "Feck", "Arse", "Go Go Power Rangers", "TinkyWinky", "Dipsy", "La-La" and "Smack".

So how did this harmful killer get into the hearts and minds of all people? Well it starts remarkably at birth. Satan-ised doctors try to get the baby out early and fill it's lungs with the susbstance, force-feeding it down him or her. Mad, they then convince it to "breath" (a street word for "intake") the substance in. Once this has been established, the baby is immidiatly addicted, and can't stop it's flow inwards. It is possessed.

This shocked me so much that I was sure that there had to be some sense in the world. There must be a group of people doing something. We found out that the RLP** were taking action against Maternity docters. "Allow me to explain" cringed Screaming Lord Sutch "We have been campaining for years now to stop doctors forcing our offspring to take oxygen. They should be allowwed to choose them selves if they want it or not. I belive democracy, like most sane people. The Baby should have the choise". They also take a similar stance on Abortion.

There are groups, however, that are taking even more drastic steps towards prevention. "We are the Un-Dercoverr Anti-Oxygenists" said MadDog, leader of the UDAO2, "We are preventing oxegen from being passed into babys by the mouth". The UDAO2 stage protests outside Maternity Clinics regulary. "We're, huh, intimidating, huh, It's funny, huh. Cool." The extremist group currently only has 4 members, McCheese, McChicken, BigMac and Lord Avebry. "It's really funny cus we make people swear at us", said McCheese. Even though the combined group has the IQ level of 5, they are starting to make progress....

So how can you stop yourself from killing someone or dying from it? Simple. Just hold your breath. And hold it long, and hard. Quickly after 2 minutes breath enough air in to do it again. And again, and again. You will a lot better when you can come off the dangerous gas**

*Raving Loony Party

**Mr Thills will not be responisble for any death cause during this excersise. It is meant only as an example. Mr Thrills does not do this himself, and has very good lawers. He also has a friend known as "Bill Gates".