Ideas: Running out of.....

The secret files of ZIPPY from Rainbow

Rainbow, a stalemate of British children's broadcasting, has a dark, and mysterious past lying around it. Mr Thrills {Deceased] and PAndroid reveal all. Whilst lying. Out of their arse. Es.

Years ago, when the 70's were the 70's and flares were expensive, a little program began on ITV called Rainbow. This innocent looking program was applauded by the public by keeping kids attention for more than two minutes. Yet, as we shall now reveal, it still has a dark, and mysterious past ("Didn't you just say that?" - Quality Control)

Bungal can now be seen writing for the internet e-zine Digi!, and reminisced for us about the times he had at Thames Studios in London.

"Well, I remember Zippy and George. They were all gay perverts. They used to rub each other rub quite daily. Up and down. Up and down. KILL ZIPPY! KILL ALL ZIPPYS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Bungal was obviously left in torment from working on the programme. And we can now see why. Zippy was a well known Phedophille, and had a history of mental problems. Bungal was fine, as our large bear recalls:

"He'll never catch me! Haha! I have all his money! His mental problems are nothing in comparison to mine. He'll never get at me! Haha! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!"

The-band-in-the-show-that-no-one-could-remember also said that there were problems with Zippy:

"There was always something odd about him. I mean, he looked completely normal. With his zipped mouth, this pink body. Something just didn't click with us. So we sung a song about it. We called it, the 'Why is Zippy so Zippy?' Song. It went:

Why is Zippy so Zippy?
Why is Zippy so Zippy?
He's so Zippy, so so Zippy
But he's definitely not deranged, like Bungal

It was banned by our director though, for being 'Crap as Shite'"

Zippy was also into Kinky Sex, which he frequently enjoyed, with the company of George. George coughs:

"I would tie him up to the wall, and zip up his mouth. It was so fun!"

How they let this disgusting collection of idiots and child killers onto to television dosn't bear thinking about. But one things for certain, I know where they all come from. Swindon. Isn't that disgusting in itself?

"Children's television has always been a hotbed for disgusting, and horrible acts of violence. They should hang all Managing Directors of TV Channels in the UK," explains Mary Whitehouse, former campaigner of 'Clean Up My Face', "I'm about to self destruct" she didn't go on to say.

Can we control this menace? Yes and Maybe. We could shoot down all children's TV presenters, and drop them in the English Channel. But that would be too harsh. Instead, gentle force will be used to week out of the disgusting nature of kiddies TV programmes in our great country. Thank you.

NEXT WEEK: Teletubbies eat my hamster![lie]

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