IT'S DAVID DEANS! (with an s)

Pete Tong's Essential's

The mind of a real puffy jacket has always confused the many, and baffled the few. Some, it has fallen on, and forced them to go to the Isle Of Whight, where they later conferless and pretend they're swedish. Puffy's drive people mad, and the biggest example of one such Jacket, is a Mr Pete Tong. PAndroid gets arrested.

Yo, sweet, sorted, essential. My names Pete Tong and I'm in that lovely island Ibiza. There's loads a do here like sweet music, giving each other respec', shaggin', loads man. You wanna get down here, and by my cd. It's essential, wicked.

But I'm gonna explain what's essential to me, my brother. Is that sweet for you? Gimme some sounds!

1: Making a sweet cup of tea
This is essential business, it's chillin. You can't 'ave it whilst your're chillin, 'ough 'ate. 'us you get hott then. ESSENTIAL (except when hot).

2: Brushing your teeth
Brushing your teeth is essential, man, cus if you don't brush your teeth, you've got nothing to put into your girlfriend. Sorted, sweet. Down there.

3: Going to Work
That's essential, cus if you wern't doing that, then you wouldn't have any money to buy my latest compilation, sorted. It's essential!

4: Buying My Cd's
That's essential 'cus otherwise man, you won't here my sweet words. You won't 'ere my sorted lyrics. Man, I don't have lyrics. I'm all messed up Man. Stop messin wimmmywoman!

5: Shaggin Women
You've gotta do this my friend, so you experience life in it's fullest. Yeah, but not with my womman. Get away from my woman. Oi! Womman! Stop shaggin the reader! ("Tonight on Jerry Springer" - Go Jerry!)

6: Walking
You can't dance all night, alright. That's funny, haha. So you 'ave to listen up to the Tong, chill. Listen up. One foot forward, one back, forward, back. You see man? ("It's do you see, you newbie. We're eletist" - Sterotypical alt.digitiser's)

7: Saying Essential
At every moment you have you have to say essential, man, 'cus otherwise you won't get anywhere in life, man. Lifes a long journey, it starts when you were born. It finishes when you die. So you keep watch. Sweet. Say Essential!

8: Reading Digi
Cus it says so here, man. Yo! Chill! Peace! Wicked! Cool! Sussed! ("That's enough of Pete Tong's Essentials" - God) ("What?" - Not the a.d Ed)