Thrillo Reports: Not Enough For Christmas

Christmas is said to be a time of giving and receiving. Receiving 'till you reach the age of 16, and giving 'till you die. Many parents find the season to stressful, as our Libelous reporter from the heavens Mr.Thrillo putsenglishintocohesivesentences.

Christmas is a time of goodwill; of peace to all men, women, children and fluff balls; a time for reflection; and a time for war.

Yes, war. As we approach Christmas Eve, the toy, game and fish ("Wa?" - Ed) stores are gearing up for the biggest battle season yet. "It's expensive, I'm telling you," said Toys'r'us UK's Defence Spokesman Big G. Unther, "As well as buying in as many toys in short supply as we can, we have to get anti-aircraft cannons, grenades, missiles and water shoots to keep the rampant mothers away. It's certainly difficult, but they won't bloody que!"

The man has a good point. As we speak we can see long-range pistols aimed at our heads. He is immediately shot down. On orders, I grabbed 20 or so flurbys, and ran out of the shop. Mission Accomplished.

"We're just a humanitarian organisations trying to deliver the will of the god," said the leader of the mother-led terrorist group 'Let us have 100 Flurbys or I'll slap your brains out,' "but no one will listen. This is why we use force." She got out her sub-machine gun "I used this one yesterday to buy a copy of Zelda. Little buet."

Either these people are mad, or insane, but they have all turned high street shopping into a matter of life or death. Missiles were launched against many of the offenders homes last night as a deterrent against the guerilla style attacks. The operation, called ChristmasFox, used all the force the RAF could muster. Yet, this has not stopped the groups in their determination.

"Until we get more toys in the shops, we will not stop. There is not question of decommisoning of arms. We must be united with the toys."

This brings into question the small number of units. Many sources now belive the toy and games manufactures are in cahoots with various weapons companys. John from 'Don't call us, we'll kill you WEEKLY' "Backhanders are being given to factories all around the world to keep numbers down. As it happens, the less toys made, the more money the weapons people make. More fun for us!"

Quite. Infact, the situation is now so intense Sky is to launch it's own 24 hour news channel dedicated to the conflict. Called "Shop War 24," it will be available on subscription for £10 a month. Viewers can watch live fighting, gunfire and green pictures of Birmingham Town Centre. Participants can even enter the Sky Prize draw, and guess which town will be targeted next. Winners get a chance to shoot down various teenage shop assistants, live on tv!

Many high street shoppers dread shopping, so the internet may be a way forward for these people. But the uber-terrorist-mothers of Christmas will not be stopped easily in their quest for games, fluffy toys and fish. Until the world is a safer place, this is Mr Thrillo, wishing you a happy christmas.

And remember, Hitler is the great one. Thankyou.

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