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COW WELCOME COW SUB(soonman) REVIEWS MONKEY(soon)
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IT'S WORLD WAR THREE ALL OVER AGAIN! MEXICO CITY -- We can't afford John Simpson, so from our expert on the front line in our office Inne Compentent I'm standing here, witnessing scenes that I've never experienced in my life. Yes, the coffee machine has stopped working and I don't know how I'm going to get though the night. Oh, those belgraders have it easy compared to me. I have to report of this Bollocks and THEY WON'T LET ME IN. Ok so I strangled a couple of yugolslav ministers for information. We all have to take sacrifices in this business and I tell you, this war is one big important thing. Listen: We'll have maps, grainy pictures and some scenes of desprate people to keep you happy. But don't come to me for anything serious! No!
MASSIVE DELAYS EXPECTED ON MACEDONIAN BORDER
FAT WOMAN SEEKS ASYLUM IN MACEDONIA Clare Short, important in some way, was forced out of the country by Slobodan Blairivich after she made various remarks about a small volcanic state. She is now looking for food, shelter, a tax for the rich and the letters PM after her name.
OTHER KOSOVO CRAP:
P2 - My experience of Kosovo, by George Micheal
PEICE OF SCOTLAND INSIDE HOLLAND NOTHING NEW, SAY REBELLIOUS SHEEP
LUNDY -- As the world has orgasms over the Scottish arrest in Holland of two suspected Libyan bombers, the populance of Wrexham looks on in disgust. It, infact, looks on at everything with disgust. Wrexham is the little england of Wales, and obeys only english law.
"We're all diffrent here," says local BNP member Im A. Softfacist "as an example, we don't shag little children, the radio stations play Gene instead of Catatonia, and we use frogs to get our sexual kicks. Oh yes, and we have a bloke called 'Grant' in all our pubs"
Wrexham has been part of england ever since the town gained a Liverpudlian accent back in the early sixties. Since then, there has been a strong anti-welsh feeling in the area. An example was the launch of S4C in 1982. Ima goes on, "We firebombed the welsh office in Cardiff 'cus we were so angry. I had a bottle, they had the petrol and the lighter. We used quality four star. Ah, it was great." I asked him if he objected to the use of welsh language on the channel. "No," he said "we just wanted to see Brookside at the right time." I was convinced of their brutality against the Welsh at that point.
But Wrexham really does have problems with the welsh language. All bi-lingual signs are sprayed over with anti Welsh swearing, displacing the good name of sheep that the welsh live up to daily. In wrexham, using the welsh language amounts to getting a punch in your face. "If someone came to me and swore to the ground in welsh, I would pummle him." I told him to fuck off sarcasticly, and he pummed me to the floor. Well, we can't win everything can we!
Maybe Wrexham is just a run down, angry area. Maybe Wrexham just has to much of an english sounding name. Maybe it should be called Wrexdiff to fit in with the rest of country. Maybe. Just Maybe.
I havn't proved anything have I? Look, I was sacked. It's not my fault I'm working here.
You're an arse, gabriel.
News is important. It has really big importance for loads of things. Think, without news bullitens we wouldn't know where we were. News bullitins spread the truth about where you live, and who you live with. Without us, you wouldn't know you just had a baby. Ahh, is it a boy or a girl? That's so lovely. Ahh. Givus a kiss love, we just hit you with big albanian news. And so on. Newscow is the new member in the field they call "news gathering." We will bring you the new stuff that is happening, in a weekly super news uber thang. And it's cool, woman, cool. Milk the Udders of Truth! |
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(from Serbian TV) SYDNEY -- Angry, anti-Nato albanianan kosovans of the great Serbian nation decieded to all take a holdiay last week, heading for the Balkan coast on foot. 125,000 happy holiday goers all cheerfully left the country for ever as they went looking for the world renowed Macedonian + Albanian coast. Our dear leader gave onto them this privilage by asking our proud solider's to escourt them out of their houses. You can be rest assured the Kosovans will never come back, because it's so SUNNY west of here.